Paris
by LilyBartAndTheOthers
Summary: My two cents on what could follow the very last episode of Rizzoli & Isles. Daily updates, reviews more than appreciated. It may sound a tad angsty at first but I mostly want to write something sweet in the end. Rizzles endgame.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Back on track with daily updates and reviews more than appreciated, as usual; I will write the sequel to Nine Months once I'm done with this story (it should be a sweet story all in all).**

 _ **"I guess it goes to show that you never know where life will take you. You search for answers. You wonder what it all means. You stumble and you soar. And, if you're lucky, you make it to Paris for a while." A. Thomas**_

 **Chapter One**

It wasn't supposed to happen. It wasn't part of her plans. She was going to Paris for a while – a while that may last forever – and Jane would forget who she was. As a matter of fact, Maura thought that she had already begun to disappear from her friend's mind. It was a long and slow process but she was nonetheless convinced that she would end up being reduced to a mere nothing, to some sort of blurry memory that we can barely name after a while.

She didn't want it to happen but she knew that she couldn't fight against that little voice that kept on telling her that it was just how life was supposed to work out and that she had no choice but to accept it. She wasn't optimistic. Not at all. For the first time in a while, Maura Isles actually felt resigned.

But then Jane took her aback. She stormed back into her life with that loud and exhuberant temper that Maura loved so much. She wouldn't go to Paris alone. Jane would come along, for an entire month. These thirty days would be theirs and nobody else's. The unexpected decision didn't have an impact on the outcome of their life but it nonetheless softened those upcoming days that Maura saw as gray ones.

"Are you sure..." Maura turned around and realized that Jane wasn't in the main room of their suite anymore. She frowned, a bit perplexed. "Jane?"

They had arrived to their hotel fifteen minutes ago. The night had already fallen over Paris and the City of Lights looked like a labyrinth of candles in a fog of rain. The light of Paris in October was always quite singular.

"I'm there." Jane poked her head out of the bathroom door. "I'm gonna have a bath. You don't mind, right?"

"Absolutely not. Is room service okay for you? I feel a tad lazy and I wouldn't mind having dinner here instead of going out."

The jet lag had an odd effect on Maura. The joy of being in Paris with Jane was overshadowed by an immense sadness that she desperately wanted to sweep away. _Carpe diem_. They may go separate ways after these thirty days spent in France but they couldn't be more together than they were now.

"Maura. This suite overlooks the Eiffel Tower. How do you want me to mind having dinner here? As long as you don't force me to eat snails, it's all good to me."

Jane's lightness was warm and comforting. It counterbalanced Maura's latent sadness with a delicate subtlety. Jane was happy to be where she currently was, to experience whatever she may be feeling right now. It caused Maura to smile.

"Perfect. Please enjoy your bath while I check the menu. It has probably changed since the last time I stayed here at the _Lutétia_."

...

"The _Lutétia_ was built in 1910 in the Art Nouveau style. However the interiors are now decorated in the later Art Deco style. Famous guests over the years include Pablo Picasso, Josephine Baker and Peggy Guggenheim. James Joyce wrote a part of _Ulysses_ at the hotel." The more she talked, the more Maura realized how Jane seemed to be fascinated by her words. For once her friend didn't roll her eyes nor did she plead her to stop. Her dark eyes glimmered in the night as she carefully listened to Maura. "When the war began in 1939, the _Lutétia_ attempted to accomodate as many refugees as possible. Because of its reputation, it was filled with a number of displaced artists and musicians. However the French government evacuated the city and the Germans entered Paris. A number of the _Lutétia_ 's residents escaped but others were captured by the Germans. The hotel itself was requisitioned by the _Abwehr_ – counter-espionage – and used to house, feed and entertain the officers in command of the occupation. When Paris was liberated in 1944, the hotel was abandoned by the German troops and taken over by French and American forces. From then until the end of the war, it was used as a repatriation center for prisoners of war, displaced persons and survivors from concentration camps."

Maura paused but Jane didn't taken advantage of this ounce of silence to speak. She remained very quiet instead before succumbing to the obvious weight of the past.

"I think it's important to know what happened here, that's why I told you about it." Perhaps sharing it over dinner wasn't the wisest decision but the words had slid on Maura's lips before her to have a chance to hold them back. "These walls... They have a past. It isn't just a hotel but a monument in itself."

Jane nodded slowly. She had noticed the Art Nouveau and Art Deco styles but at no moment had she imagined that the palace she was staying at had played such big role in the past. It made her feel ridiculously proud.

"Is this the reason why you've decided to stay here?"

"It's very central. We're in the heart of _Saint-Germain-des-Prés_ and as much as I like the other bank, my heart belongs to the Left Bank."

"Oh please." A smirk curled up Jane's lips. "I know it's the Mata Hari in you that pushed you to book this suite!"

Maura laughed lightly. She appreciated the seriousness Jane showed towards the history of the _Lutétia_ but the lightness of her latest remark brought Maura the relief she needed. Maura didn't want Jane to leave. She didn't want her to go to Quantico. She wanted their life to remain the same until they died hand in hand. Sadly life had different plans for them and she knew that she was about to lose Jane.

"Do you like the suite?" Maura cast a glance at the modern paintings on the walls, at the brown leather armchairs by the fireplace. It looked very cosy. "I find it to be peaceful. You almost feel like you're home here. Don't you think so?"

Long after dinner and once Jane's breathing became regular on the other side of the bed, Maura got up. She quietly walked to the living-room of their suite and settled in one of the armchairs by the fireplace. She couldn't sleep because of jet lag and because of a thousand feelings that stormed in her heart.

 _Will you ever understand if I tell you that I don't want you to leave? You're abandoning me, Jane. I don't know what I did to you that you woke up one day feeling the urge to go away from me. I thought we were friends. I considered you as my soul mate. Was I wrong all this time? I feel like I have failed somewhat. It's a terrible thing to say – even more to face – but you're leaving me with a thousand unanswered questions and with a confusion that weighs, and weighs._

 _I love you. Did you love me too?_

 _You go away because you don't feel fine anymore. I don't make you feel fine anymore. What a painful statement to make. I only wanted your happiness but I pushed you instead into a bottomless sadness. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone. People call me the Queen of the Dead and I think they're right, because this is exactly what I am: lifeless, lost on the Styx at the mercy of quiet shadows where you'll forget about me._

 _You've betrayed me, my sweet love. You've betrayed me._

From the shadows of the living-room suddenly emerged an ephemeral light. Maura grabbed her cell phone: her mother had sent her a text message. It was late in the night for most of people but Constance Isles didn't belong to them. As a matter of fact, she didn't belong to anyone but to herself.

 _ **She knows you're in Paris. She wants to see you.**_

A quiet anger darkened Maura's features. Her heart skipped a beat and she quickly cast a glance at the bed in the distance in order to make sure that Jane wasn't awake. The night would be long and cold, and lonely. She could feel it already.

 _ **Why did you have to tell her?**_

Paris was supposed to bring inspiration and hope. A surge of life that Maura needed more than ever. Yet the moment the plane had landed, she had felt the weight of her feelings press on her shoulders. Now ghosts from the past seemed to feel like joining the macabre ballet.

She didn't want to see anyone but Jane because their friendship was sick. At a terminal stage. They needed this last adventure together in order to find the strength to face the bitterness that would hit them hardly the moment they would go back to Boston. There was no room for anyone else.

 _ **Being resentful won't help you, Maura. Be brave and speak out for once. Dare. You're better than this silence that you impose yourself.**_

She didn't answer her mother back because she didn't want to lie. She was too tired anyway. Her emotions were tied together and they would begin to suffocate soon. She needed Jane's warmth.

Thus she rushed back to their bed where she settled against her friend's back. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Jane's scent went to her head bewitchingly.

 _You will forget me but I won't forget you. I can't, even if I wanted to. You're part of me, Jane. Your essence feeds me. I need you to go on and so be it. It's not okay if you don't feel the same but I can't blame you. We don't have a hold over our feelings._

 _We only have a hold over our regrets._

 _And I don't want to regret you, Jane._


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Thank you very much/muchas gracias/merci beaucoup for all your reviews; the bitterness of the beginning will fade away soon, don't be worried. I want every chapter to be sweeter and sweeter.**

 **Chapter Two**

"Please, call me Jane."

She wasn't a _madame_ , even less a _mademoiselle_. If Maura owned the innate aura it took to be called _mademoiselle_ , Jane was born to be a plain Jane and she was really fine with it. A discreet but honest smile lit up the concierge's face. It even reached his eyes that began to sparkle. He was delighted by the innocence of the remark. Jane's request was genuine but it didn't fit. She was staying at a palace – in France – and there were rules to follow.

"Any plan for the day... Miss Jane?"

Jane had left the suite a little while ago. She had discovered the restaurant main room for breakfast and she was quite eager to now see the rest of the hotel. Thus she had patiently waited for Maura to go have a shower before satisfying her piqued curiosity. The _Lutétia_ was beautiful. It reminded Jane of a very British hotel, one that would come straight out of an Agatha Christie's novel. Too afraid to be mocked, she had kept such comparison for herself though.

"We're going to the _Jardin du Luxembourg_." A surge of pride caused Jane to smile: not only had she managed to remember the name of the place Maura wanted to show her but she had also pronounced it correctly. The employee couldn't guess but he had just witnessed a little miracle in itself. "I want to see the Statue of Liberty."

"Already homesick?"

Jane laughed lightly. She shook her head. She had woken up to a big blue sky and to the brownish leaves of the trees outside dancing to the murmur of the wind. She was anything but homesick. She was impatient, curious and extremely happy to be in Paris. She had never said it to anyone but visiting the French capital was an old dream of hers and making it come true with Maura by her side went beyond her craziest expectations.

"I'm just very curious to see it."

"Don't expect anything big though. The one you'll see is a small-scale model. However, you can find a much bigger one in another part of the city but I will let your guide tell you where it is. _Mademoiselle_ Maura is the best guide you can ask for."

 _Mademoiselle Maura._

The old fashioned phrase was singular and unusual but Jane had to admit that she liked it. It fit the context, it suits the luxury of the hotel and the extreme politeness the staff showed towards their guests.

"Maura is a regular guest, isn't she?" Jane tried to guess the concierge's age. In vain. François – that was his name – had salt-and-pepper hair but something about him was young nonetheless. She had come across him after a quick stop by the lounge and the two of them had started chatting. "You call her by her first name..."

Maura received a special treatment at the _Lutétia_. Jane had immediately noticed it. Everyone called her by her name while the other guests were always Mr., Mrs. or Ms.

François rolled his eyes in a dramatic effect.

"I even used to call her _Little Maura_ when she was a toddler. She made her first steps in the lobby on a very hot day of July '77. She's family if I may dare to say it."

...

People walked fast. A lot faster than in Boston or even than in New York City. Jane observed a dark-haired woman who was almost running now in spite of wearing stilettos. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry, everyone but her and Maura. They had all the time in the world and Jane loved it.

"I thought you were gone." Hands in the pockets of her trench coat, Maura cast a glance at her friend. A playful smile appeared on her lips. "On your own."

"I'm adventurous but not that much. My French's rusty... I need you to be around in order to survive the first few days." The street they had taken was narrow but the sun still managed to pierce through the buildings and it warmed up Jane's back lovingly. Were these Hausmannian buildings? She couldn't tell for they didn't look as impressive as the ones opposite the hotel. "I was talking to François."

"Talking about what?"

Maura had walked out of the bathroom to find an empty suite. The first thing she had checked was the closet, just to make sure that Jane's suitcase was still in it. It was stupid as Jane didn't have a reason to run away but it was the first scenario that had developed in Maura's head. Of course she had kept it for herself.

"About the size of the Statue of Liberty and the first steps of a certain someone..."

It wasn't embarrassing. As a matter of fact, it was the most random stage that every human being reached early in their life. Yet Maura froze the second she understood what Jane meant.

She was tired. Emotionally and physically. She hadn't slept well at all and she felt jet lagged. Thankfully the slightly oppressive melancholy of the night before had vanished but it had been replaced by a confusing fragility.

Yet was it enough to explain her reaction to Jane's words?

Maybe.

"What?! It's kinda classy to make your first steps in the lobby of a palace. Actually, it's... It's so you!" Jane's laugh filled the air with warmth. Her eyes were sparkling now and she looked excitingly at Maura. "Why would you feel ashamed of it?"

"I don't feel ashamed!" Maura motioned the gates of the public garden. The _Lutétia_ was located at a very short distance. A bare ten-minute walk maybe. "It's just... It's not the kind of information that I want you to remember about Paris."

Memories.

They needed to create memories because time was running against them. It would be too late in a month. They wouldn't live in the same city anymore, not even in the same state. It was a tad stressful but Maura felt the urge to create these instants now in order to make sure that she would be able to handle their separation.

Her first steps were a waste of time and a waste of memories. She wanted Jane to understand what it felt like to live in Paris. She wanted her friend to feel the city under her feet, and to hear its unique pace in the depth of her heart.

She wanted to fill their days with laughter and sun. With a thousand smiles and delicate conversations. And none of this could be linked to a past that Jane wasn't part of; a past which nobody cared about because it had vanished a long time ago already.

"It's still a lot more glamorous than my first steps."

They stopped at a traffic light opposite the gates of the park. The trees of the garden created in 1612 by Marie de Médicis - Queen of France as the second wife of King Henry IV of France - were still green in spite of the fall being very present in the city.

Maura swept away a quiet disappointment: she had hoped that Jane would walk through the garden while the leaves of the trees would fly around them in brown and red shades. The _Jardin du Luxembourg_ looked mesmerizing under the light of the fall.

"Why? Where did you make your first steps?"

Jane adjusted her sunglasses. The air was chilly but the sun was nonetheless very bright. She barely cast a glance at Maura before passing her arm under her friend's as the traffic light changed and they resumed their walking.

"On an ice rink."

"What?!"

"Never mind." Jane laughed. "Now tell me more about this public garden. Not about the Statue of Liberty though. François spoiled the fun already."

 _You touch me and I collapse. The world stops turning and everything becomes quiet even if your touch lasts a second only. The warmth of your body passes underneath my skin. My heart begins to beat faster. I forget everything. I wish you knew about the reactions you cause to my body, Jane. Yet at the same time I'm desperate for you to never know about them. It would scare you and I would feel ashamed._

 _I have walked through le Jardin du Luxembourg more times than I can remember. I know the Luxembourg Palace – that is now the French Senate – like the back of my heart. I know every alley, every spot of this park. How the chess players quietly focus on their game in the morning by the roseraie. How you're supposed to keep your distance with the bee houses if you're allergic; there is even a note about it on a tree._

 _Yet the moment we pass the gates together, the place ceases to sound familiar. It tastes of first times instead, of moments that you know will be unforgettable ones._

 _You are pressing my forearm. Gently. Lovingly._

 _And it's all I care about._

"Are we going to see the model sailboats on the circular basin as you told me about this morning?" Jane's dark eyes sparkled in anticipation. "And nobody steals them?"

"Why would someone steal them? People are civilized, Jane!"

"... 'Cause you can't trust the French."

 _The street disappears in our backs and I suddenly have the feeling to have landed in another universe where neither Boston nor Quantico exist. It's just you and me. The two of us. We take the main alley that leads to the basin that overlooks the Senate. You smile when you see it._

 _Will you remember this? Will you remember this the way I will?_

Rocked by the quietness of the place and by the warmth of Maura's body against hers, Jane stopped speaking. Words weren't needed anymore.

She may have held her friend's arm, it was still Maura who guided her through the green arcade of the trees in the immensity of a park that stiffled the sound of the traffic. Appearances are tricky.

She felt fine, so fine that she didn't need to fill the air of words nor of any sound. The silence that wrapped them up was enough to comfort her.

She was glad to be there and now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews; feel free to check the places I'm describing on Google if you're curious about them as I can't post pictures here.**

 **Chapter Three**

Resignation was a foreign concept to Maura yet it was exactly what she had begun to feel the moment Jane had told her that she had been offered a job in Quantico. The feeling was new and extremely uncomfortable. At forty years old, Maura lacked what it took to accept the impact the news had on her.

She didn't recognize herself anymore. On one side, there was the Maura everyone knew: the happy-go-lucky woman who always remained optimistic. No matter what. And on the other side stood a very different Maura: one that she could barely describe herself. That Maura was dark, and she terribly felt lonely. She knew that she had feelings for Jane but she didn't know what to do of them. The contrast between both aspects of her persona was sharp but thankfully rather balanced. If Maura suffered from the situation, she didn't let it show.

At no moment whatsoever.

She still managed to feed herself with those moments she spent with Jane anyway, as ephemeral as said moments could be. Blessings in disguise. That was the exact reason why she needed to take the most of Paris. Paris was a miracle in her upside down life. It wouldn't happen twice. She couldn't miss the opportunity she had been given.

"You've never wanted to live here? You look really at ease in Paris."

Jane's question made Maura blush but the glass of wine that she had just drunk and the wind that had embraced her cheeks all morning long hid her emotional reaction. Her silence betrayed a confusing hesitation though. She didn't want to lie to Jane. She couldn't lie anyway, or at least not really. Yet there was a part of her life – of her past – that Jane ignored and it was hard to not link it to the question that had just been asked.

Maura focused on a waiter. After a two-hour walk through the _Jardin du Luxembourg_ , she and Jane had headed towards _Odéon_.

They had walked by the theater of the same name before taking the street that led to the heart of this old neighborhood of the City of Lights, part of Saint-Germain-des-Prés were intelectuals like Jean-Paul Sartre used to spend their days. Just like the evening before, Jane had religiously listened to Maura's explanations without complaining once. On the contrary. She kept on asking questions and showed a real interest in the city.

Maura was touched by her friend's behavior.

The brasserie was crowded and the brouhaha of the conversations rocked Maura peacefully. But the waiter she was observing walked back to the kitchen after attending a table by the large windows and she had no choice but to focus on Jane anew.

Jane had picked up one of the numerous books that littered the shelves of the brasserie, books given away by the publishing houses of the area. It was even the reason why the restaurant was named _The Publishers_ \- _Les Editeurs_ in French. Maura couldn't help but smile as she read the author's name on the book Jane was holding.

" _What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner_..."

Jane looked up from the book and frowned. She didn't understand Maura's remark for it seemed to be rather off topic. To an extent. Because if it was Maura's way of answering Jane's question then she couldn't be more mysterious.

"What?"

"I was only quoting the author of the book you're holding." A bright smile lit up Maura's graceful features. She crossed her hands before leaning her chin on top of them. She tilted her head and finally burst out laughing as Jane looked clueless. "Colette was a French novelist nominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1948. She was also a journalist, a mime and an actress."

"Oh." Jane put the book back on the shelf. "Very versatile, I see."

Maura bit the inside of her cheek in order to not burst out laughing. Versatile was a very interesting choice of word from Jane. Genuine choice but still... Colette was bisexual and she didn't hit it. Maura nonetheless preferred to keep such detail to herself.

"You haven't answered my question though. Unless quoting Colette is your way of answering?" Jane took a sip of wine. She had to admit that whatever winery Maura had chosen, it was good. Very good. "You like Paris – and I can get why – so... Why didn't you move here? Didn't you go to high school in Switzerland?"

Unless it had to do with someone whom Maura would have met. Jane kept this possibility for herself. Maura seemed to be finally ready to speak, to open up a bit.

"I wanted to go back to America. The school of medicine is excellent here but... I felt the urge to be in Boston by then. However, I stayed here for two months after graduating from high school. I spent the summer in Paris."

No lies, just words carefully and wisely chosen.

The friendship Maura shared with Jane was unique. They had met six years earlier – a mere nothing in someone's life – but Maura had confided in Jane a lot more than in anyone else and she knew that it was mutual. She still had secrets though. Were they really secrets? Omissions? Or mere details that she hadn't had a chance to allude to until now?

She learned from Jane every day and Jane learned from her every day as well. That was how it worked out between the two of them.

"What did you do during these two months? Did you go all Hemingway or something?"

"No... I didn't drown my sorrow in alcohol..."

"Oh. Sarcasm!" Jane laughed lightly. It was way too rare to see Maura sarcastic to not mention it. She nonetheless apologized and asked her friend to resume whatever she was saying. "Go on."

The fragility Maura had woken up to had turned into a delicate and oddly comforting feeling. She had got used to it by now and she could finally say that she felt fine and happy to be with Jane in the time being. At last. Of course the dark clouds of Quantico were still floating in the distance but she now could focus on Paris and nothing else.

She was starting to relax. Little by little.

Jane was very helpful too. She wasn't grumpy at all. Her enthusiasm was contagious just like the lightness of her mood. It was exactly what Maura needed. Jane's genuine happiness was immensely reassuring.

"I just... Walked on the streets, sat at the terrace of cafes... I must have looked like a terrible cliché of a tourist at the time."

Then she left for Boston and the storm ceased.

"I'm glad you didn't stay here." Jane looked down at the table. From her whisper had risen a timidity that only echoed the strength of delicate feelings. The remark was unusual for her and she didn't know how to really handle it. "I mean I like Paris but..."

"But we wouldn't have met if I had stayed here."

Jane nodded in silence. For someone who didn't like guessing, Maura was really good at it. The confession was sweet, and honest. It came out of the blue but it made sense. A lot of sense.

Maura bit her lower lip briefly, at the mercy of doubts. It didn't last long. She let the words come out with all the bitter sweetness her heart lived from.

"Everything happens for a reason."

Maura swallowed hard. Jane's confession had touched her a lot more than what people could imagine even if she was convinced – deep inside – that the nature of Jane's feelings towards her had very little to do with the ones she had for her friend. Jane was glad to have her as a friend. She didn't love her the way Maura loved her in return.

 _I wish you played with me. I wish you played with my feelings. Then I would have a good reason to hate you and I would run away from you. But you never do this. You're always sincere instead and you often manage to take me aback with an unexpected remark which bitterness melts into a graceful sweetness._

 _Just like now._

 _You know I love Paris but you're glad I moved to Boston nonetheless or else we would have never met. I wouldn't be part of your life and I wouldn't know that you exist. This is the closest I'll get to an I love you from you. I know it._

 _What if it wasn't true though? What if you and I were meant to be? Perhaps we would have met nonetheless, somewhere else. On the streets of Paris maybe. And my feelings for you would still be the same._

 _You have no idea how much I love you, Jane._

Maura's fingers brushed Jane's hesitantly at first but the gesture won in confidence when she saw that Jane didn't move away from her. Her fingertips slid along Jane's until they came to rest in the palm of Jane's hand. Maura squeezed Jane's hand tightly. Warmly.

"I knew my life wasn't supposed to happen here."

It wasn't a lie as Maura honestly thought what she had just said but as the words passed her lips and they hit the air – the moment they got lost in the brouhaha of the brasserie – she realized that perhaps it wasn't completely true.

Her life was happening now. The life she wanted to live. That was the blatant truth.

She was with Jane and nobody else. Her Jane, as much as she didn't like the territorial nuance that lay behind such phrasing.

"And yet we've both made it here. Together." Jane raised a playful eyebrow. It matched her smirk. "What it... I dunno." She swallowed hard and tried to ignore the obvious anxiety betrayed by her sudden thick accent. "Maybe it's just the beginning."

Maura barely heard Jane's whisper. The restaurant was too crowded for a low voice like Jane's. Besides, she mostly felt the coldness that accompanied Jane's gesture as Jane took her hand away from her grip.

She guessed the words though. She guessed them and let a strange confusion sink in.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, I'm glad to see you're enjoying this story so far in spite of the latent sadness that will soon vanish.**

 **Chapter Four**

"We arrived last night, ma'. The Eiffel Tower can wait, you know. It's not gonna disappear. Besides, I can see it from here. It's just there." Jane grabbed her iPad in order to show her mother the monument. "See?"

The remark amused Maura. Jane was right: they had all the time in the world to go to the other side of the 7th arrondissement in order to see and climb on top of the infamous monument. They were in Paris for thirty days.

They had focused on _Saint-Germain-des-Prés_ and the _Jardin du Luxembourg_ on their first day. One thing at a time. The Eiffel Tower could wait a little while.

A mug of tea in hand, Maura left Jane alone in the living-room of their suite. The fireplace was on and the shadows of the flames danced a tantalizing ballet on the walls all the way to the king size bed. Jane was on Skype with her mother, Maura didn't have to be around. She had said hello to Angela but it was Jane whom Angela wanted to talk to. Not her, not Maura.

She crossed their bedroom and went to sit on one of the large leather armchairs by the windows. She loved the suite for it overlooked the boulevard in all discretion and there was nothing like observing life going on when in Paris. It was Maura's favorite activity. She could spend hours at the window looking at the traffic and at the passers-by on the street. It was a bit mesmerizing.

A strong wind had pushed the blue sky away and around 4pm it had begun to rain. The sudden change in the weather hadn't had an impact on Jane and Maura though as both had kept on walking peacefully through the streets of the wealthy neighborhood. Of course neither of them had mentioned anew the personal conversation they had shared over lunch. They had quickly moved on, too afraid of what it may mean. They had focused instead on the golden shades of the Parisian buildings in the rain, on the shiny cobblestones and on the history of the area. There was a lot to say about those streets, about the people who had lived there once.

"You didn't have to go away. The conversation wasn't top secret."

Maura shrugged. She didn't look at Jane but remained focused on the activity that was taking place a few feet below the window. She had folded her legs under her and – her mug on her lap – had let a feeling of serenity invade her. She was fine. She felt fine. At peace.

Yet she didn't answer back.

"Are your parents around?" Jane sat on the edge of the bed. She had planned on taking a bath in order to relax after all the walking she had done during the day. Her legs were sore. "Or relatives... Do you have relatives who live in Paris?"

"Ahem..."

Maura blushed. Her hesitation was ridiculous for the question Jane asked was very simple if not just completely random. She nodded – slowly, with the reluctance people show when they wish nothing but to be somewhere else instead – but the words didn't come out. They stayed trapped in her throat, in that labyrinth of feelings and that fog of uncertainty.

"One of my aunts lives in Paris."

She had answered. Finally. Perhaps her answer was very brief and not satisfying but she had nonetheless managed to say something to Jane who must have looked at her with great confusion.

"Oh." Jane's surprise was very quiet. As a matter of fact, she didn't really sound surprised; as if she had expected Maura's answer since the very beginning. "From which side of your family? Have you planned on paying her a visit?"

The tea warmed up Maura's mouth as she took a sip of it. She wasn't particularly thirsty but she knew that the gesture would help her win some time. It was a rather shameful subterfuge but she assumed it nonetheless.

"My mother's side. Léopoldine – that's her name – is quite a busy woman, a busy artist actually. So I'm not sure she'll have time to see me."

"Leo-what?!"

"Léopoldine. It's pronounced Leo-Paul-Dean. She was named after Victor Hugo's daughter who drowned at the age of 19. Léopoldine Hugo is very present in her father's work."

"That's creepy."

A clear and loud laugh passed Maura's lips. It was the first time someone dared to say such thing about the origin of her aunt's name. People usually found the story to be beautiful. But not Jane. Of course she saw it differently, because she was unique herself.

"You know, it's all fine if you wanna see her, Maura. I wasn't supposed to be here in the first place so if you have other plans... I mean..." Jane ran a hand through her hair. "You don't have to renounce to everything just because I'm here."

Maura swallowed hard. Jane would have stabbed her that it wouldn't have been more painful. She tried to hide her violent feelings behind a shy smile. She rolled her eyes hoping that it would emphasize the idea that she didn't mind.

The truth was that she was ready to change everything for Jane. She would even give up a life she actually liked for her friend. She would move to the other side of the world if she had to. Or to Quantico. But Jane hadn't asked her to come along. She – Maura – wasn't part of such plans.

"Léopoldine is... A bit singular. I don't plan on visiting her." Maura closed her eyes and for brief seconds the boulevard disappeared from her sight. The world turned dark. She then turned around to look at Jane. "Anyway... What do you want to do tomorrow? Our table is booked for 7.45pm tonight at the restaurant of the hotel but you haven't told me what you'd like to see tomorrow. The Eiffel Tower? The Louvre? Or something a bit less... Touristic?"

Jane moved at light speed. She moved so fast actually that Maura didn't have time to react and – before she could realize what was happening – Jane had knelt in front of her and she had cupped Maura's face in her hands.

The lightness of her mood was gone. Her facial traits were dark now, and deep. Jane seemed to be worried. In doubt.

"Are you alright, Maura? You look..." If "sad" was the word Jane wanted to say, she nonetheless made sure that it would never hit the air. "We'll do what you want to do. I've come to Paris to be with you. I want you to show me what you like about this city, why you've wanted to spend a whole month here. Everything's fine as long as I'm with you."

"Well... What happened to grumpy Jane?"

Jane smiled. Her hands slid down Maura's neck before coming to rest on Maura's lap. The gesture was quite innocent and subconscious. It felt right.

"She doesn't deserve Paris with you." Jane winked at Maura before standing up anew. "You know what? I think you're a bit tired and I think you could enjoy a bath. So... How about I get one ready for you? We have a couple of hours before going downstairs for dinner, right? Would you enjoy a bubble bath now?"

"That's very sweet of you, and very thoughtful."

Jane walked towards the bathroom. She had noticed the way Maura had avoided answering whether she felt fine and it bothered her. Yet her instinct told her to not insist. Not now. It could have been the jet lag or a thousand other reasons. Pushing Maura to admit something wasn't necessarily a good idea.

Besides, Jane may not be ready to handle whatever truth lay behind Maura's tired smile.

"As long as I have time to have a bath or a long shower myself... You have to try this bathtub anyway, Maura. I may steal it before the end of our stay here. It's not just a bathtub, it's THE bathtub. The one I've been waiting for my whole life."

 _You ask me about Léopoldine and suddenly nothing makes sense anymore. Isn't it crazy how a single name can make the rest collapse? You couldn't guess. As a matter of fact, I don't blame you. If there's someone to blame then it's me and nobody else because I never told you about her. But still... Thinking about Léopoldine breaks my heart._

 _You smile, you're sweet and caring with me. All the time. If you think that grumpy Jane doesn't deserve Paris with me then I think that I don't deserve your gentle side either. Oh, I wish it were different!_

 _Your love for me is painful because it's deprived of romantic feelings. The torture I experience through your gestures of atffection is odd and addictive. I still prefer to suffer with you standing by my side than being at peace alone. Your presence doesn't soothe me. It feeds the storm that takes place in my heart. But it's thanks to this storm that I live, that I am who I am._

 _Look at me, Jane. Look at me in the eyes. Don't move. Focus on the depth of my soul, on the sound it echoes whenever you're standing by my side. Can't you really see it?_

 _..._

 _Don't change anything. It's all fine. It's just not meant to be._

"What's Léopoldine's job? You told me she was a busy artist. Is she a painter like your mother? Two artists in the family... That's something!"

Jane's stifled voice rose in the bathroom. It pierced through the door that she had left open wide. Maura stood up and cleared her voice. She still could feel the heat of Jane's hands on her cheeks, on her lap. The touch had burned.

"She's a sculptor. Jane?" Maura leaned against the door frame. She waited for Jane to look up in order to resume. "Thank you for being here. It means a lot to me."

From the smile that curled up Jane's lips rose a singular beauty, one that couldn't be described but that nonetheless fit her and Maura's heart.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews; please read the description of the story for further information about Rizzles or not Rizzles.**

 **Chapter Five**

They disappeared in the depths of the _Louvre_ thanks to an escalator which anachronism amused Jane a lot. The architecture she had seen on the surface had nothing to do with the modernism of the subterranean floors. It was strange. Almost confusing. As a matter of fact, the place looked like a luxury shopping mall downstairs.

Certainly not a museum.

She let Maura guide her through the crowd of tourists that was taking pictures of the upside down pyramid and couldn't help but think about _The Da Vinci Code_. Dozen of groups were following colorful umbrellas that guides held firmly as they walked through the endless marble corridors. The brouhaha was suffocating and the atmosphere singular.

"The _Louvre_ was originally built as a fortress in the late 12th century under Philip II. Remnants of the fortress are visible in the basement of the museum. You'll see them as we head to the Egyptian section. Due to the urban expansion of the city, the fortress eventually lost its defensive function and, in 1578, was converted by Francis I of France in the main residence of the French kings."

"When did it become a museum?"

"In 1793 – during the Revolution – when the National Assembly decreed that it should be used as a museum to display the nation's masterpieces." Maura stopped by another escalator that led to an upper floor. "The Louvre is big, very big. We won't be able to see everything."

Jane nodded. She felt intimidated by the place. She was the one who had suggested to visit the infamous museum but she had expected something very different, something that would simply look like a castle. She was lost instead in a labyrinth of modern corridors.

"Yeah... I just wanna see the mummies, Mona Lisa and all that jazz. That's fine."

"Have you ever heard about the ghost of the _Louvre_?" Maura laughed lightly. She was in a very good mood. She had woken up to a quiet serenity that sharply contrasted with the mixed feelings she had felt the day before. Thus she was ready to tease Jane and pique her curiosity. A ghost story would catch Jane's attention a lot more than the origin of the word _Louvre_. "His name is Belphégor."

"Ahem... Nope." Jane's steps subconsciously slowed down as she tried to remember anything about a ghost. She had read several articles about the _Louvre_ and she had watched documentaries as well but none of them had ever mentioned the presence of a ghost inside the museum. "So it's a haunted castle? I thought it was a Scottish thing."

They had had breakfast in their suite. A delicate laziness had pushed Maura to call room service instead of heading to the restaurant of the hotel. Jane hadn't complained. Eating _croissants_ while observing the _Eiffel Tower_ in the distance was a change of habits that she actually enjoyed very much. She was getting used to the quality of palace services quite easily.

"As a matter of fact, _Belphégor_ is a mini-series that was filmed in the 60's. I'm just messing with you. I'm sorry."

The lightness Maura showed reassured Jane a lot. It had swept away whatever doubts she may had had the day before about her friend's state of mind. The Maura she knew and loved was back - at last - and it felt like home in spite of the surroundings having nothing to do with Bostonian ones.

"Is it any good?"

Maura nodded.

"There are four episodes only. We'll watch them together if you want to. I'm sure you'll enjoy the show."

Jane wasn't very fond of art. She didn't always understand it. As a matter of fact, she didn't have the required sensibility to admire the artist's work through his or her masterpieces. But because she was in Paris – and because she was with Maura – she abandoned herself to the soul of the _Louvre_ with an unusual easiness and the museum revealed itself to her quietly.

Time got suspended. The other tourists vanished from her sight and all she managed to see during her visit turned out to be Maura, paintings and sculptures. How her friend moved with fluidity around the statues. How her hazel eyes seemed to feed themselves of the colors of a canvas. Maura was mesmerizing but Jane couldn't admit it out loud.

"Are you hungry? We can have lunch in the _Jardin du Palais Royal_."

The sudden cacophony of the street as they walked outside the Louvre took Jane completely aback. She had enjoyed the quietness of the museum and the serenity of Maura so much that she didn't feel like being part of this world again. Not so fast. She wanted to remain in her bubble instead and listen to the beats of her heart.

She gave Maura a nod though, because she was indeed hungry.

They chose a table at the very end of the public garden, in the sun. The temperatures were a lot warmer now than the ones of the day before. The pace of their day was different too. Things felt easier. It hadn't been tough until now but a brand new logic had wrapped them up nonetheless. Their vacations had started. Finally. They had found their pace and their jet lag was nothing but an old memory now.

"Why did you never mention Léopoldine until now?" The waitress had just left with their empty plates and the question that had burned Jane's lips all along their lunch finally hit the air. Her voice was low but soft. Her tone was anything but violent. She didn't reproach Maura her silence but she honestly wanted an answer. "Did something happen? You don't seem to like her much."

If Jane remembered well, Maura had told her that Léopoldine was singular. As much as the adjective could define Maura's aunt, it remained extremely vague. Too vague. Jane's curiosity was fair.

The silence that followed the question caused Jane to wonder if she hadn't been tactless. With Maura looking lighter, she had assumed that it was safe to allude anew to the artist but perhaps she was wrong. Perhaps Maura didn't want to have anything to do with Léopoldine and it was none of Jane's business.

"We argued... Once." Anxiety pushed Maura to clear her voice. A smile briefly curled up her lips but a heavy sigh swept it away almost immediately. "It's not worth being mentioned. It's not why I'm here, with you."

Jane nodded but she found herself way too disarmed to even say anything back. Maura misinterpreted her silence.

"Do you think a lot about Agent Davis?"

"Oh no!" The sincerity of the answer made Jane blush. She had showed a lot of vehemency. Too much probably. "He's not part of this trip. Quantico isn't part of this trip. This trip... It's for you and me. For us. So let's focus on this."

...

You and me.

Maura tried to focus back on the page she had opened on her laptop but Jane's words sounded way too loudly in her head right now. As frustration grew, she rolled her eyes then sank her face into her hands. The whiteness of the Word page felt like a betrayal. It stirred up a thousand doubts. She had come to Paris in order to work on her novel but not a single word would stay still in her head long enough for her to type it on her computer.

It was Jane's fault. Jane's sweet fault.

 _You hold my hand way too often here. You look at me – in the eye – all the time. You whisper sweet words that make my heart beat fast. My feelings for you are loud and you don't notice the mere thing. You don't see it. You don't get it. I'm in love with you, Jane. You're the only person I want to be with. So please, don't run away from me._

 _Not after all the things we're presently living._

Jane.

Maura turned around in order to observe the lounge of the _Lutétia_. A few people were enjoying a drink in the room but the place was extremely quiet all in all. Maura couldn't ask for better conditions to work on her novel.

If only her brain could stop thinking about Jane so much...

Even Jane had actually left her alone. She had gone for a swim at the swimming-pool of the palace for a while. It was the matter of a couple of hours but Maura terribly missed her.

 _How is it going to work out if I can barely accept the fact you aren't in the same room as I am for an hour? How do you want me to accept the distance that Quantico puts between you and my heart? I don't know when I've reached such degree of dependency – and the truth is that I hate it – but if you abandon me, Jane, then my life simply ceased to be._

 _I cease to be._

 _It isn't emotional blackmail as I don't force you to stay by my side. As a matter of fact, I have done nothing but to encourage you to embrace whatever feels right to you. My selfishness is awful. Shameful._

 _You deserve to be happy even if it means I'm not part of your life anymore._

"Would you like another cocktail, _Mademoiselle_ Maura?"

The question barely reached Maura. She heard it from a distance. Even her nod seemed to go a tad slow. She smiled at the bartender nonetheless as he held out to her another _Martini_ but her mind wasn't in the room anymore. She was still lost in her thoughts.

Then Jane appeared on the other side of the room and everything turned bright anew.

Life resumed.

 _Sometimes I think you're trying to seduce me. Of course it's just a ridiculous fantasy, because I know that it can't be true. I don't want it to be true anyway. It would make everything even more difficult._

A bright smile lit up Jane's traits as she motioned the drink Maura had in her hands.

"See? I knew you go all Hemingway when in Paris! I just hope it's not a sorrow you're trying to drown... Everyone should be happy in the City of Lights." Jane rested a casual and gentle hand on Maura's shoulder as she slightly bent over to catch the bartender's attention. "May I have the same, please?"

It took Jane a minute to get her drink. Glass in hand, she locked her eyes with Maura's and raised her drink.

"To us."

To whatever was meant to be.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews; for some reason, the reviews won't appear on the website so I can't reply to them as of now. However I get them through the email alerts so please keep them coming and I will reply to them as soon as the issue is fixed. Anonymous reviewer: "infamous" because they have a bad reputation.**

 **Chapter Six**

The singer who stood next to the pianist had something of Ella Fitzgerald but the only thing Maura could focus on was the grace of Jane's nape. Jane had tied up her hair in a bun, she had put makeup on and the ankle-length black dress that she wore echoed the pure darkness of her eyes. She looked breathtaking to Maura.

They hadn't gone out for the night. They had stayed at the hotel instead and had headed to the lounge for the evening in order to attend a jazz band venue. If there was something cliché in their plans, Maura couldn't care less about it: she was living a dream, a terribly sweet dream.

She hadn't even needed to tell Jane to overdress a bit. Jane had implicitly understood that a venue at the _Lutétia_ meant that she couldn't show up to it in her jeans. Maura knew that it was an extra-effort for Jane and - one more time - she was more than glad to see that her friend didn't complain about it.

"I know nothing about jazz but isn't she really good?"

The casual tone Jane used betrayed the innocence of her thoughts. She hadn't noticed how Maura had been observing her all along, how her hazel eyes seemed to feed themselves of the curves of her shoulders, of the femininity of her neck. She was unaware of everything. Maura nodded, she even smiled in order to make sure that her quiet fascination would remain unnoticed.

"She is." Maura wasn't drunk but the few glasses that she had had had swept away whatever inhibitions she usually had. Thus – with an unusual self-confidence – she squeezed Jane's hand tightly before looking into Jane's dark eyes. "I'm really glad you're enjoying the evening."

But the relative serenity that had lit up Jane's face until now vanished in the air at light speed. It made Maura swallow hard. Had she said something that she should have kept for herself instead? She had remained rather neutral though.

She hadn't crossed any boundary except for her hand pressing Jane's comfortingly but she could hardly define the gesture as bold either.

"Do you know what day it is, today?"

The question took Maura aback. She stared at Jane with great confusion and whatever words passed her lips as she answered got swallowed by the applause of the audience as the singer finished her song.

Today was Saturday.

"The date, Maura. It's October, 15th. We met on this day, seven years ago." Jane's cheeks turned pink. She looked down timidly and began to fight against a smile that wanted nothing but to embrace her traits. "It's our anniversary."

Maura blinked. A part of her was overwhelmed by the fact Jane remembered the detail, that she actually considered important enough to mention it.

But sadly, an immense shame turned Maura quiet nonetheless for she had completely forgotten about the date herself. She had missed it. Lost in her thoughts about some impossible love, she hadn't paid attention to the time being.

Carpe diem.

"Happy anniversary." Amused, Maura motioned the lounge. "If you had told me seven years ago that we would be at the _Lutétia_ together for a jazz venue today, I wouldn't have believed you."

Jane burst out laughing. Her laugh was loud and clear. Honest, just like the sparkle in her eyes. She didn't have the discretion other customers had but – instead of being ashamed of it – she embraced her difference in order to turn it into a strength. Maura admired her for it.

"I wouldn't have believed it myself!"

The singer started singing a new song. Jane and Maura turned quiet anew. The parenthesis was over. They both focused back on the pianist and on the other musicians who had just joined both artists. The intimate lights of the palace created a delicate atmosphere that seemed to be coming straight from a movie that would take place in the 20's. A film noir, to be more precise.

It was anything but a random evening.

...

"You're different in Paris. In a good way, I mean."

Surprise showed on Jane's face. She settled on her side of the bed without breaking eye-contact with Maura. The evening was over. The jazz band had played its last notes before calling it a night. Then everyone had left the lounge of the _Lutétia_ with discretion and elegance. Jane and Maura had headed back to their suite after a last drink.

"In what sense?"

Maura was already in bed. She had already made hers the fresh bedsheet, the smooth pillow. Her side of the bed had warmed up under the heat of her body and the murmur of the traffic rocked her to sleep. She was tired but she wanted to keep her eyes open. The evening couldn't come to an end. It was impossible. The sweetness of the last hours was too beautiful for her to allow it to go away within a night.

She had to speak.

"I don't know..." She shrugged. Many words twirled in her head and she needed to concentrate a lot in order to only keep a few; the few that would make sense. "You're relaxed here. And easy going. Always in a good mood."

"Does that mean I'm usually a stressed, complex and grumpy person?"

"Oh, this isn't what I meant. No!" It took Maura long seconds before her to realize that Jane was simply joking. She rolled her eyes at her own silliness, at this incapacity she had to take any remark to the second degree. "Come on, I'm serious, Jane... I like the way you are, here. As a matter of fact, you look at ease."

It was true. Maura's words weren't a simple subterfuge to make their evening last a bit longer. She honestly meant what she said and Jane agreed with it.

Except she couldn't say why.

"It's not every day I have the chance to go to Europe, you know. It's not every day I have the chance to stay at a palace in the heart of Paris. It's not every day I have the chance to share all this with you."

Maura nodded. However she remained focused on an invisible point in front of her. She had stopped looking at Jane because a wave of bitter thoughts had just rushed through her mind and it tightened her heart rather painfully.

Tears. The burning sensation that made her vision suddenly too blurry. She felt like crying.

She swallowed hard then she took a deep breath. She didn't have much of a choice: she had to force herself to show Jane how strong of a person she was. It was exactly what society expected of her. For a long time, people had told Maura that she was too sensitive; too fragile. Too weird. So she had worked on her attitude, she had built herself a precarious shield and she had become the woman she now was.

Except it was just a bunch of appearances.

"I'm going to miss you when you're gone. You know that, don't you?"

 _It has to be the alcohol. It has to be the emotional fatigue. It has to be a thousand things, a thousand things that I can't name. Or else I don't get why I actually said this. It's the blatant truth but I had sworn to myself that I would never admit it because I know how much it may hurt you. I don't want you to think that you're responsible for my pain, Jane. The only one to blame in all of this is me and nobody else. Please, tell me that you understand. Tell me that you don't feel guilty._

 _Tell me that these few words haven't ruined the beauty of this evening._

"I won't be far." Jane's smile had frozen the moment Maura had talked. Her serenity was now gone and her sudden high-pitched tone of voice betrayed a deep anxiety that she had tried to hide until now. "I'll come back to Boston, and you'll visit me."

"Yes. Of course, I will. But it won't be the same anymore nonetheless. Let's face it." A heavy sigh passed Maura's lips. She shouldn't have said anything regarding Quantico if only because Jane had insisted on the fact that she didn't want to talk about it in the first place. Maura had crossed boundaries and she now regretted it. "That's life, I guess."

 _And life can't be beautiful all the time. It can't be that sweet._

"Come here." The two whispered words melted into Jane's timid smile as she opened her arms to Maura. They hadn't hugged once yet since they had made it to Paris. As a matter of fact, they both disliked the gesture of affection. But a bottomless loneliness pushed Jane to hold her friend against her. "I'll miss you too, Maura. I'll miss you a lot."

 _Then why do you do that? Why do you go away? Why do you impose this to us, to everyone? You had a life in Boston, a great one. I thought you liked it. I guess I hadn't realized that you weren't in love with it as much as I am in love with it. See? We always come back to the same thing: our feelings aren't mutual. And I'm sorry for this._

They remained for so long in each other's arms that they ended up falling asleep, rocked by their heartbeats and by the heat of their respective bodies. The sweetness of their gesture swept away the bitterness of their words and the pain of their feelings. Life turned pleasant anew as they drifted off to sleep and they were happy again.

 _I don't know what will be left of this late-night – slightly alcohol induced – conversation once we wake up tomorrow morning. Perhaps nothing at all, not even ruins of a what-if. It's okay though. It's okay because I dared to tell you how I feel, Jane. I dared to say the words and you didn't run away from me. On the contrary. You took me in your arms._

 _It's the only therapy that will save me._


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews, it's a pleasure to read them every day and I hope that you'll enjoy this story till the end.**

 **Chapter Seven**

Jane crossed the street. She murmured a timid _bonjour_ to the doorman before rushing into the lobby of the hotel. The place was very peaceful in spite of a dozen clients in the large room. Jane smiled: the place was always peaceful anyway. Nobody talked loudly, nobody waved at someone who would be standing a few feet away. People who stayed at palaces were extremely discreet and polite.

"Good morning, Miss Jane. How are you, today? You're venturing outside all by yourself like a real Parisian already? The city's yours: embrace it!"

Jane really liked François. He was nice and attentive to whatever she may say or want. The sense of humor he used with her brought her a comfort that reminded her of home. Paris still looked foreign to her but François made sure that she would feel at ease nonetheless and she appreciated the attention. Besides, she had noticed a difference: he didn't talk to her the way he talked to others. Perhaps it had to do with Maura whom he considered as family. If he cared for Maura then maybe he cared for Jane too.

"Yeah well... I just... You know..." A vague gesture of the hand showed the doors that led outside. "I went for a walk in the neighborhood."

She had mostly spent time in the small public garden located right opposite the _Lutétia_. That was the blatant truth. Jane didn't have the courage to lose herself in these narrow streets that she didn't know yet. She wasn't scared of people – Parisians were probably indifferent to her anyway – but of the lack of references she had in the city. Everything looked different here. It had nothing to do with America.

"Excellent! Have you stopped by _The Chapel of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal_?"

Whatever chapel it was, it oddly sounded like a cult. Jane politely shook her head. She didn't want to upset François. He was nice enough to chat with her for a while, she couldn't be rude.

"No... But I've seen _Notre-Dame_ in the distance yesterday." She had also watched the Disney movie with TJ a little while ago - The Hunchback - but it was the kind of details that Jane didn't feel like sharing with a French. She hadn't read Victor Hugo's novel. _Notre-Dame-de-Paris_ was an animated movie to her. It was a bit shameful. "I think I'll go there one of these days and also to..."

"The _Sacré Coeur_?"

"That one. I'm sorry, I always forget the name of the basilica." The fact she actually remembered that it was a basilica and not a church or a cathedral was a miracle. "There are many churches in Paris."

The remark was pointless but she didn't know what to add. Maura was working on her novel, Jane still had some time for hersef. They were supposed to meet in their suite at noon and it was barely 11am.

"Hard to say the French are religious people but they like their churches nonetheless. They see them as monuments... As museums somehow. Churches symbolize the cultural wealth of the country."

Jane gave François a nod. She cast a glance at the lobby in order to make sure that the employee didn't have to help anyone else then she cleared her voice to speak slowly.

"You know... I was thinking that maybe you could help me. You know Maura quite well and... Yeah, I think you're the person I need right now. I need... I need recommendations. Would you mind helping me?"

François' face lit up as a genuine happiness wrapped him up. Just as Jane had done it herself a minute earlier, he cast a glance at the lobby before giving her a wink.

"Come on, follow me to the reception desk and I'll see what I can do for you. It's a surprise, isn't it?"

As a matter of fact, Jane had no idea what she really wanted. The nature of her gesture was probably close to a surprise. François was right. She didn't say a word until they reached the reception desk by the fireplace. The flames were crackling and the delicious smell of wood burning went to Jane's head bewitchingly. This also reminded her of home, of the house of her childhood.

Except her house had never been as quiet as the _Lutétia_. The Rizzolis were loud and they had a tendency to see drama in absolutely everything.

"Hmm I suppose so. You see..." She had to find the proper words in order to describe a whole situation that she didn't want to talk about. It was a challenge, a tough one. Jane had always hated talking about her private life and the reason why she was in Paris with Maura was private matters. Besides, she barely knew François. "Is there a place in Paris that Maura likes a lot? Like... A restaurant or something?"

Jane wanted to thank Maura. For everything. For being part of her life for the past seven years, for being who she was. For having drifted off to sleep in her arms. For having smiled when she had learned that Jane was coming to Paris with her.

For a thousand reasons.

Jane had woken up to an empty bed but the shadow of her friend had answered her quiet question. Maura was sitting by the window, typing slowly on her laptop. They hadn't alluded to the conversation they had shared the night before. They had had breakfast instead while casually chatting about Paris and their next plans in the city before coming to an agreement over a meeting at noon.

As if nothing had happened. As if neither of them had expressed a fear that echoed in the other's heart loudly.

Jane wasn't sure whether they had missed an opportunity. She wanted to believe that it wasn't too late and that it wouldn't change anything to their life, to their stay in Paris.

"Some romantic place, I presume?"

Jane froze. The world stopped turning, or at least her world. She stared at François in disbelief before her disbelief to melt into sheer panic. Her heart began to pound loudly against her chest, so loudly that she couldn't hear anything anymore.

Of course she had got the innuendo.

And of course it was the last thing that she wanted to face right now.

"What?! Ahem... I... Ahem... I mean... Well... Ahem... I... Dunno... Not... Ahem... Not necessarily... It's ahem..."

It hadn't crossed her mind. At no moment had she imagined that the employee assumed that she and Maura were a couple. Jane swallowed hard. If François had come to that singular conclusion, chances were that other staff members thought just like him. She shared a suite with Maura, after all. A suite that only had one bed.

They slept in the same bed.

The same bed.

"Isn't Paris the most romantic city in the world anyway? Every corner of every street is romantic in the City of Lights."

Jane's laugh fell flat. She had tried to sound casual but had miserably failed. A litte voice nonetheless told her to keep on smiling if only to look happy and entertained by François' remark.

"Of course, of course." The taping of her fingertips on top of the reception desk echoed a nervousness that she had more and more difficulty to hide. Perhaps it was nothing but a mistake. Perhaps she shouldn't have asked François anything in the first place. Perhaps she shouldn't even try to surprise Maura because if all of this was fair then why did she feel so awkward right now? "I'd like something that's not touristic like, I don't know... A small square? A garden that very few people know about?"

Jane was about to add something when someone hit her forearm with their elbow. The unexpected contact caused her to freeze.

" _Oh_ , _je suis désolée_. _Veuillez m'excuser_.*"

Jane's dark eyes barely looked at the woman who had just talked to her in French. She focused back on François until an alarm set off in her head. Confusion invaded her. She frowned then slowly turned her head anew in order to look at the stranger who was standing at the reception desk next to her.

The woman looked a lot like Constance Isles. It wasn't Maura's mother as the woman's voice was different but her face was exactly the same. Jane blinked.

The woman gave François' colleague a polite smile. She had taken her leather gloves off and was now playing with them in all discretion.

"Oh, _Mademoiselle_ Léopoldine!" François stood up and went to shake the woman's hand warmly. He looked truely glad to see her at the hotel. " _Quelle surprise de vous voir ici !_ *"

" _Mon cher François... Décidément, le temps n'a pas d'emprise sur vous. Vous ne changez pas !_ *" The woman laughed lightly but with an elegance that pushed Jane to understand who was standing by her side immediately. " _Je viens voir Maura. Est-elle là ?_ *"

Maura.

Jane's blood turned icy. Her French skills was reduced to an absolute nothing but she didn't need to be bilingual to understand what was going on. She cleared her voice in order to catch Léopoldine's attention.

"Are you Maura's aunt?" Hopefully Jane speaking English wouldn't be seen as too impolite. Léopoldine had to speak English anyway. Maura's relatives spoke several languages. It was the base of their education. They were international. "Because I'm travelling with her. I'm Jane. Jane Rizzoli."

Jane held out a shaking hand realizing that Léopoldine had probably never heard of her. Since Maura didn't seem to be in touch with her aunt, there was no reason for the artist to know who Jane happened to be. Yet logic had pushed Jane to introduce herself. Léopoldine would have recognized her the moment she would have seen Maura otherwise and Jane would have felt ridiculous.

"Oh... What a coincidence!" Léopoldine burst out laughing. "Jane..." She said the name the way we allude to blurry memories, to delicate reminiscences of something we have never got to really know. Yet it was clear that Jane wasn't a complete stranger to her. "What a pleasure to meet you... Finally!"

...

 ** _Oh_ , _je suis désolée_. _Veuillez m'excuser_.** \- Oh, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

 _ **Quelle surprise de vous voir ici !** \- _ What a surprise to see you here!

 _ **Mon cher François... Décidément, le temps n'a pas d'emprise sur vous. Vous ne changez pas !** \- _ My dear François... Time really has no hold over you. You don't change!

 _ **Je viens voir Maura. Est-elle là ?** \- _ I've come to see Maura. Is she here?


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages. To people who complain: this story takes place in France so there has to be some bits in French. Or else it will simply look as absurd as a Hollywood movie.**

 **Chapter Eight**

 _I don't want to see you. Go away. Go away immediately. What have you said to Jane about me? What does she now know that she still ignored an hour ago? Don't speak to her. Don't look at her. She doesn't belong to your life. She doesn't exist to you. Leave her alone. Leave me alone. I didn't try to reach you. Respect my choice. Please. Respect these years of silence that I have put between you and me. Why are you here? I don't want to see you._

Maura looked at Jane before focusing back on her aunt. Léopoldine was casually chatting with Jane in the restaurant room of the hotel. She was in a good mood and her eyes were sparkling of delight: she was happy to be there, with Jane and Maura.

Maura felt the exact opposite. She wanted to run away from her aunt. She wanted to grab Jane by the hand before turning her back at the woman who had deeply hurt her once. But Maura's heart beat too loud right now for her to actually take action. She was stuck on her seat and stuck in a life that she had suddenly started hating.

And then there was Jane.

Jane was at ease, and confident. She enjoyed the casual conversation that she was having with Léopoldine. Maura understood her friend's reaction for Léopoldine was a fascinating woman and very chatty. She mastered the art of conversation like nobody else.

Maura swallowed back her sour anger: Léopoldine may seem nice, it didn't change anything to what had happened between the two of them.

"Do you still live in the 14th arrondissement?"

Maura's soft voice interrupted Léopoldine more or less politely. The artist didn't take it badly or if she did then she didn't let it show. She gave Maura a nod before smiling brightly. She actually seemed delighted to see that her niece finally talked to her.

"You know I live for this house." Léopoldine looked back at Jane. "It's very rare to be able to have a house in Paris. Most of habitations are apartments, here."

"I've noticed that. I still have to spot a single townhouse."

Jane cast a glance at Maura. Briefly. Meeting Léopoldine had plunged her in an ocean of confusion. She didn't understand why Maura didn't like her aunt. Léopoldine was nice, and very friendly. She even cared for Maura and she was genuinely happy to see her now. Something didn't make sense. Jane could feel it. Sadly she didn't have all the elements in hand in order to understand the whole story.

"You should come for dinner some time. Then you'll be able to tell people that you've seen a Parisian townhouse!"

Jane appreciated the invitation a lot and if it weren't for Maura's reluctance then she would have immediately said yes. She murmured an inaudible reply instead, a reply that made her feel ashamed. Léopoldine was being nice to her and she didn't dare to be nice in return. Because of Maura.

Yet Jane had the feeling that she wasn't being fair at all.

 _We won't go to your house. We won't be part of your plans. Within an hour, you're going to leave this hotel and you won't come back. I don't want to hear from you ever again. Stay away from Jane._

 _Stay. Away. From. Jane._

 _You have ruined my life once. I won't let you do it twice. Even less now. I used to like you, Léopoldine. I used to enjoy your presence. I missed this warm feeling of trust, actually. But what can I say? It's gone. It's forever gone._

"Right, Maura?"

Maura looked at her aunt in the eye. She remained quiet for long seconds. She wasn't pondering the suggestion because she had already made up her mind. She was simply trying to win time.

"We are actually very busy."

"Oh." Disappointment showed in Léopoldine's reaction. She looked down at her lap before nodding quietly. "I see."

Jane swallowed hard. She didn't like what was going on. Perhaps a piece of the puzzle was missing but Léopoldine looked honestly disappointed and it wasn't fair. Family was family. Thus Jane took a deep breath and avoided looking at Maura as she spoke to the artist.

"But I'm sure we can come for dinner one of these days nonetheless. We're on vacation, after all. And vacations are made for last-minute plans."

Jane was defying Maura. Perhaps she would regret it but for the moment she completely assumed her position. Maura didn't complain. The ghost of a bitter smile played on her lips before she excused herself and left the table.

Her sudden gesture raised a wave of embarrassment between Jane and Léopoldine.

"I'm sorry about the awkwardness of this lunch." Léopoldine gave Jane a smile as she watched how Maura walked to the bathroom. "It's... I honestly thought that Maura would have turned the page by now."

Maura's reaction surprised Jane because Maura wasn't a resentful person. She may be a tad susceptible but she usually and easily forgave people. Whatever had happened between her and Léopoldine must have been really serious. The Maura who had just left wasn't the Maura Jane knew. It was a pale and bitter copy of her dear Maura, of the one she loved.

It hurt to witness this happening without knowing the nature of the issue. Jane felt terribly disarmed.

"Yeah... It's okay. I ahem... I'm afraid I don't really know... Maura never told me anything so..." Jane grabbed her napkin. She folded it in order to calm down her anxiety. "I can't judge."

"If she hasn't told you anything then I'm sorry but I can't tell you anything either, Jane. It has to come from her. Let's just say that... That Maura and I disagreed on something very important – something that has changed now – and this disagreement led to the slight coldness you're now witnessing."

Léopoldine's explanation was extremely vague yet Jane appreciated the fact that Maura's aunt hadn't spilled the beans without Maura's agreement. Léopoldine had tact and she showed respect to people's choices. It was wise.

"Oh."

"I would like to take advantage of Maura's absence to thank you for all the things you've done for her... Constance told me about you, and how Maura opened up thanks to you. These past few years spent by your side have been good on hers. I'm really glad to see that my niece has someone like you in her life. She deserves the best."

The compliment went straight to Jane's heart but it only managed to increase the confusion she felt. And the latent pain that tightened a grip on her mind. Because she was leaving Maura behind. Because by saying goodbye to Boston, she was putting an end to the benefits of the last years Léopoldine had just talked about.

...

The weight - the heat - of Jane's eyes on her caused Maura to turn her head. Amused, she squinted her eyes at her friend as if to read whatever was in Jane's mind. The truth was that she felt proud and touched to be Jane's subject of attention.

"What is going on?"

Jane shrugged. The smile that played on her lips expressed the same degree of entertainment as the one that made Maura's hazel eyes glimmer.

"I hadn't imagined you in the metro. It's weird to see you here." Jane motioned the rather empty coach. "You never take public transportation in Boston."

"That's because the Parisian metro is special. Look!" Maura grabbed Jane by the arm as she pointed to something on their right. The train had made it back to the outside world a while ago and for the rails being high above the streets, they could see the _Eiffel Tower_ a few feet away now. "Line 6 isn't like any other line."

"Oh!" Jane opened big eyes. She hadn't expected to see the monument from such a short distance. "Damn, where's my phone? I need to take a pic!"

But the metro didn't stop and the tower disappeared in the distance just as fast as it had appeared.

Jane observed the buildings in silence. When Maura had suggested a metro ride, Jane had simply assumed that her friend needed some fresh air after the incomprehensible confusion of their lunch with Léopoldine. Maura hadn't complained about it but the tension was palpable nonetheless.

Yet at no moment had she imagined that Maura wanted to show her something special. Something unique.

"The line finishes on _Les Champs Elysées_. I don't particularly like this area but it's a must-see anyway. And please, don't start singing the eponymous song!"

"Oh... The most beautiful avenue in the world!"

As Jane's comment made her laugh, Maura realized that it felt good to be light again. She was glad to see that their lunch with her aunt now was nothing but an unpleasant memory. Perhaps she would give in – if only to please Jane – and they would go have dinner at Léopoldine's house but for the moment she simply wanted to forget till her aunt's existence.

"It's only beautiful if McDonalds and Starbucks are part of what you define as beauty."

Jane sat back on her seat properly. Maura closed her eyes. It felt good to feel the heat of Jane's body brushing hers. She had butterflies in her stomach and her lips had curled up in a big, bright smile.

 _I want to remember this moment for the rest of my life. You and me, in this empty train. The way your eyes begin to sparkle as you spot the Eiffel Tower a few blocks away only. Then the casualness of your gesture, your hand against my thigh._

 _In a parallel universe, I would turn around to face you then I would lean over to capture your lips in a kiss. You wouldn't run away from me. On the contrary. You would hold me tightly against you then you would murmur sweet nothings into my ear._

 _But you know what? I'm actually fine with what I'm having now, Jane. Because you're sitting next to me and I've made you happy. It's worth any fantasy._


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews, suggestions and messages.**

 **Chapter Nine**

"Have you already be kissed in the rain?"

The question would have bothered Jane under other circumstances because she really hated talking about such things, even with Maura. But today was different. Today, Jane had met Léopoldine and she had seen how the situation had been painful for Maura. Jane didn't understand her friend's strong reaction but she nonetheless respected it. There had to be a reason to Maura's feelings.

Besides, she wanted to help Maura to feel better, to feel light again.

"Yeah..." Jane leaned against the window of the cafe she and Maura had rushed to as soon as the dark clouds in the sky had exploded in a torrential rain. "I mean... Somehow. It wasn't romantic like in the movies."

If the first part of her answer had made Maura smile, the end of her explanation swept away said smile almost immediately. Her answer wasn't satisfying.

Maura didn't look at her though. She kept on observing the gates of the _Jardin des Tuileries_ opposite the street. The place looked empty and desolated.

"Hmm. I see."

"Why are you asking me that? Is the current weather giving you ideas?!" Jane burst out laughing until she realized what she had just said. She blushed. "I mean..."

She was mortified. One more time, she had let the words pass her lips before weighing the pro and con. She had been impulsive and she was now paying for it. Of course Maura would pretend that nothing had happened because she didn't want Jane to suffer even more from an already rather embarrassing situation but Jane knew how stupid she had just been. She nonetheless knew it.

"No... I've just... Well, I've never been kissed in the rain."

They had walked down _Les Champs Elysées_ hand in hand. They had stopped by the _Place de_ _La Concorde_ in order to admire the Egyptian obelisk that rose in the middle of the large square. Then it had begun to rain so they had run till the arcades of the _rue de Rivoli_. The serenity of the afternoon deeply contrasted with the tension of the lunch that they had shared with Maura's aunt. The minutes were passing by slowly, lovingly.

"Well... Never say never."

An embarrassed smile played on Jane's lips rather briefly. She didn't feel at ease talking about being kissed in the rain. Besides, the cafe was cosy and very quiet. She was afraid that the few other customers may overhear her and Maura's personal conversation and she didn't want strangers to know anything about her life. It was none of their business.

"You're dying to know why I'm so resentful towards Léopoldine, aren't you?"

Maura's question took Jane completely aback. She thought that they had turned the page, that Maura didn't want to talk about her aunt anymore. There were many untold things that weighed on their shoulders but Jane was ready to handle the silence that surrounded them if it could make Maura happy.

Maura seemed to see it differently.

"I must say I don't really understand."

Maura felt comfortable. Perhaps it was the reason why she had dared to ask such question to Jane. From the serenity of the cafe rose a self-confidence in her heart that she hadn't felt in a while. Her heart was beating fast but it didn't make her feel dizzy either. She was in control of her feelings and in control of the situation.

"I need you to promise me that you won't run away."

Maura's voice broke. She looked down but remained focused on the windowsill nonetheless. She was unable to look at Jane. She may have the courage to open up but she didn't have what it took to make eye-contact with her friend. Her quiet plea surprised Jane. It worried her actually.

"What?! Of course I'm not gonna run away from you. Maura, c'mon..." A nervous laugh slid on Jane's lips. The mystery of the situation weighed more and more on her. She now felt anxious. "It's me. You know you can trust me, right? You know you can tell me anything."

It was true. Jane meant it and Maura knew that Jane was being sincere. It just wasn't as easily as it may seem.

Maura's fingertips brushed the mug of tea that she had ordered. It was still hot enough to leave a burning sensation on her skin. A bearable one though.

"It isn't really shameful. It's just... It's delicate."

The wind suddenly blew harder and rain drops went to end their ephemeral life against the window, just by Maura's side. She observed the last path they took down until they disappeared absorbed by the stone of the Haussmannian building.

"You shouldn't be afraid of my reaction. To be honest, if you are then it means I'm failing as a friend."

Maura closed her eyes. She pursed her lips in order to hold back a sigh of frustration and pain. Jane wasn't failing at being a friend. How could she? She had never failed. On the contrary.

"Don't be silly." The smile that curled up Maura's lips echoed a perfect yet completely unexpected serenity. It was now or never. She could feel it. She ran her tongue over her lips and focused on the wet tables of the cafe outside. "It happened during the summer I spent here. After my high-school graduation."

Jane automatically got tense. She had no hold over the reaction of her body. The shield was a natural one. It made sense after all these long and incomprehensible silences. It really did. Of course she didn't say a word. Her loud and exhuberant temper had come to a halt. She was now quiet. Ready to listen to Maura.

"I was planning on staying at Léopoldine's, at this house that you may see. In the 14th arrondissement. But then... She tried to push me to admit some things – about myself – except I wasn't ready to... To embrace any of them. We began to argue and I told her that she was lying... I thought by then that she wasn't telling the truth but now I can say that I was wrong and that she was right. She just lacked of tact and it hurt me a lot. She could have been helpful but she turned out to be the exact opposite. I started seeing her as... As an enemy. Then I gave up my plans because of what she was saying. I gave up... I left someone." Maura swallowed hard. "Someone who meant a lot to me."

Jane blinked. She was looking at Maura who was staring at the street. The words kept on passing Maura's lips but Maura remained too vague for Jane to understand the nature of the issue.

There were glimpses here and there of a truth that tried to pierce through the fog of memories but they weren't enough.

Yet Jane couldn't push Maura. She couldn't force her to say something quickly. She couldn't make the same mistake as Léopoldine had apparently made during that summer. She had to let Maura trust her own self, to let her take her time as well. The moment was too important to ruin it.

 _People may think that I exaggerate but that's only because they don't know how it's like to be me right now. They have no idea about the pressure, about the anxiety I feel. I know that this pressure is ridiculous but I can't help feeling the way I do. You have to experience it to understand it._

 _I'm not perfect. I've never said I am. As a matter of fact, I'm a mess of feelings – of missed opportunities – and of wounds that will never really disappear._

 _I went through tough moments and these moments hurt me. Psychologically. They made of me who I am today. People need to get this. I'm a patchwork of so-so moments and if I always look happy-go-lucky from the outside, it's only to hide better a deep melancholy._

 _Will you get it, Jane? Of course. I've never had any doubt about it. I'm just afraid that our bond won't be the same anymore afterwards. Something may get broken, because of who I am. I'm not ready for this to happen yet I'm tired of hiding._

"I'm resentful towards Léopoldine because she didn't show the attitude I needed her to show by then. She pushed me to admit things to myself way too harshly. She was blunt and it scared me. It's stupid... I know she only tried to help me but..."

"Whom did you leave?"

"... Anita. Her name was Anita. A classmate."

Jane frowned. She wasn't sure to understand what Maura really meant in spite of it being rather clear. Maura may have said it through half-words, her confession could hardly be more evident yet Jane kept on having doubts. She pondered the words for a few seconds before realizing that she didn't have much of a choice. She had to ask Maura.

"She was more than just a friend, right?"

Maura gave Jane a timid nod, a tired one. She was still staring at the rain that was now falling hard on the street. The weather matched her state of mind: she felt cold, angry with herself because she had run away from Anita – because she felt anxious to reveal it to Jane – because she couldn't turn the page over her aunt's clumsy behavior.

Because of too many things and none of these made sense.

 _I wonder if it's really a surprise for you. You're a detective. You're good at reading people's mind, at understanding who they are without them to even say a word. Had you guessed anything?_

 _I won't tell you that I'm in love with you because I know that it would scare you. But at least now you know that it's a possibility, because it's already happened to me in the past with people you've never heard about. I'm fine with this side of my identity. I really am. But it's not easy to open up about it because I have feelings for you and because it could change everything._

 _I know that Léopoldine only tried to help me. She was too brutal. It can happen. But it determined so many things afterwards that I can help being resentful towards her. I feel stupid. So stupid._

The warm touch made Maura freeze. She felt the heat of Jane's lips against her temple, how comforting the gesture was and how it matched the way Jane was now squeezing her hand tightly.

"Sometimes things happen for a reason, Maura."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages (I'll reply to your messages this weekend).**

 **Chapter Ten**

Maura counted until five in her head before casting a glance at Jane. She burst out laughing with such honesty that she turned out to be the first one surprised of her own reaction.

Jane frowned but she kept her eyes closed nonetheless. As a matter of fact, she didn't move an inch. Her questions barely passed her lips.

"What's so funny?"

Maura folded her legs under her. She had chosen to sit right on the floor between the coffee table and the couch. A woolen shawl embraced her petite frame and the Persian carpet felt soft under her bare feet. She could hear the rain falling outside, in the darkness of the night. The City of Lights had succumbed to a winter-ish evening, a delicate one.

"You know that you can't get suntanned by simply coming as close as possible to the fireplace, don't you?"

Jane rolled her eyes rather dramatically but the smile that played on her lips swept away Maura's doubts: Jane hadn't taken the remark badly. She had understood that Maura's rhetorical question was nothing but a joke. Today had been a real rollercoaster of emotions. They had gone through the tension of a lunch to the delicacy of Maura's confession before the lightness of the evening to embrace them warmly. They now both needed the sweetness of the moment.

They immensely needed it.

"I just like the way it feels against my cheeks. Ugh... If I'd wanted to get sun tanned then I wouldn't have gone to Paris in October. I would have gone to Honolulu or something instead."

Maura poured herself another glass of wine. Jane's had remained untouched. She would drink it but she wasn't thirsty for the moment. Maura wasn't thirsty either though. She simply felt the urge to feel the heat of alcohol warm up her body.

It was comforting.

Maura was lucky and she didn't know what she had done to deserve it, to deserve Jane in her life. Jane's reaction to her confession at the cafe had been the sweetest that Maura could have hoped for. It hadn't changed anything to their bond. Or at least not yet. There was no awkwardness, no quiet judgement either.

Jane had planted a kiss on her temple then life had resumed at a delicate pace.

Perhaps things would become more complex later on, in a few days or in a few months. Or perhaps nothing would actually happen and Maura's fears would fade away slowly revealing the ridiculouslness of her fears.

Jane hadn't tried to solve anything. She had showed wisdom, sweetness and tact instead. She hadn't urged Maura to make peace with Léopoldine as much as it seemed to be the fairest scenario. She had whispered a _maybe_ instead – through half-words – and it had been enough to calm down the storm that took place in Maura's heart right now.

"You don't like doing that?" Jane's dark eyes landed on Maura. The flames in the fireplace echoed in her dark pupils and made her eyes sparkle. "I always did that as a kid."

"Really?!"

Maura's perplexity caused Jane to scoff. As much as Maura's childhood had very little to do with anyone's else, Jane had to admit that she was surprised. Very surprised. Everyone did that. Everyone enjoyed the heat of a fireplace on their face.

"Oh c'mon! All the kids do that, Maura."

Maura came closer to Jane. Her embarrassment was palpable. She always felt a bit ashamed when she realized that she hadn't experienced one of these random but inescapable things that made life so touching. Her existence had been dull, too clean. Not fun enough. Thankfully Jane had changed that side of her existence a bit. Little by little, Maura had opened up to a whole new world, the one she had been staring at with envy for years.

"How does it even work?"

Jane went to sit down on the floor. She reluctantly left behind the smoothness of the chaise longue for the soft but firm carpet. She sat next to Maura, only a few inches away from the fireplace.

"You simply sit there, close your eyes and let the heat of the flames wrap you up."

Maura obliged like the good student she had always been. She closed her eyes and focused on the crackling of the flames, on the strong heat that came from the fireplace. She remained still. But her heart was beating too loud and alcohol went to her head too bewitchingly. She wasn't in the mood to remain quiet. She wanted to smile, to laugh. To embrace life.

She felt too much alive right now.

"And then?"

"And then?! What do you mean 'and then'?! That's it! That's the whole thing. Just enjoy the heat on your cheeks. It's a pretty basic passtime. It ain't meditation or anything. You don't need to open your chakra or whatever."

Maura's light laugh hit the air timidly. She opened an eye only to observe Jane who was really focused on her task. Their sitting position on the floor was similar. Even their hands on their respective lap matched. Maura smiled at the scene. It was exactly what she wanted to live.

They were bickering. Somewhat. Innocently. Playfully. It hadn't happened since they had left Boston a few days earlier. Paris had brought a different nuance of feelings into their life and as much as she liked the novelty, she was also glad to see that what she considered as references weren't gone forever. Bickering was part of these references, part of these details that defined their relationship.

"As a matter of fact, it's a form of meditation. The difference lies in the fact that you don't call it meditation." Of course Maura was teasing Jane and of course she wanted Jane to react to her words. "See? You're ready to resume these yoga classes you gave up a while ago."

"Bullshit!"

"Language... There are some words that one cannot say when one meditates."

...

Jane's curiosity had been piqued but she did her best in order to not show it. She knew how Maura needed the silence over Anita, how she couldn't be rushed into anything. Yet the mere mention of Maura's classmate had caused Jane to come up with a thousand untold questions.

Maura liked women.

So what? All in all, Jane had to admit that it wasn't necessarily much of a surprise. She simply wondered at what extent, how many women Maura had dated if she had dated any already. Maura had remained vague. She had simply said that she accepted this side of her persona. That didn't necessarily mean that she had had a girlfriend. Had Anita been one or she had remained an untouchable fantasy? What did she look like?

It wouldn't be an issue if Maura had been in a same-sex relationship. Jane was fine with it. But she couldn't help being curious about it. Very curious.

"François left this note for you..." François' night shift colleague gave Jane a sheet of paper that had been folded in two. "He hopes this will satisfy you enough."

Jane thanked the employee. Maura was waiting for her in the lounge of the _Lutétia_. She couldn't stay in the lobby for too long if she didn't want to raise suspicions. She nonetheless cast a glance at the list of suggestions. There were at least ten different places, with their respective addresses and websites. François had really done a great job.

Jane put the note in the pockets of her pants before heading towards the lounge. The hotel seemed even quieter than the usual. Not a single client was in the lobby and as Jane entered the Art Deco room, she realized that only another woman than Maura was sitting at one of the tables.

"Where's the singer?"

The question was genuine but it made Maura laugh nonetheless. She waited for Jane to sit down on her seat before replying.

"There isn't a concert every night. Today... You'll have to content yourself with the pianist." The musician was talented anyway. Maura could have spent hours listening to him. "Where have you been? Here's your Martini."

 _I don't know what to think about today. I guess a part of me is happy but another part still feels bitter about the whole thing. I suppose it's because I have only told you part of the truth. You still have no clue about my feelings for you. Do you?_

 _Nothing has changed between you and me. It should be reassuring – it actually is, to an extent – but I can't help thinking that this isn't normal._

 _Are you pretending that everything's fine? Am I pretending that the page has already been turned? Are we trying to fool each other? I wish all these questions could stop, if only for an hour. Then I would be the person I dream to be. Do you know this feeling? Sometimes I think I'm a stranger even to myself. It's weird._

"Oh, to the bathroom."

Maura nodded but she didn't believe a word that Jane said. Disappointment invaded her but she tried to ignore. She tended to overthink way too much anyway. Jane was free to do whatever she wanted and - most of all - she didn't have to tell Maura about it all the time.

No, it was ridiculous. Maura didn't have to worry.

She smiled at Jane in return as Jane smiled at her. The smile reached her eyes with a confusing fragility. She felt emotional tonight.

 _Deep inside, you are probably wondering why I won't tell you more about Anita. About the others. I just don't think it's necessary. You now know the main lines. The rest isn't worth being mentioned. Believe me._

 _Let's just enjoy this singular evening together, Jane. Let's just let the melody of the piano take us far, very far from this world. Music has this power. You forget who you are and how you feel for how long a song lasts. Let's just enjoy this._

 _Nothing bad can happen when we're together._

Against all expectations, Maura managed to relax rather easily. The vapors of alcohol must have helped. She wasn't drunk at all but the few glasses that she had had nonetheless had a favorable impact on her state of mind.

It was a sweet night.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews, suggestions and messages. Keep them coming!**

 **Chapter Eleven**

Jane smiled as soon as she noticed the jugglers on the bridge. A few groups of tourists had gathered in order to cheer up the two young men while someone played saxophone down the street. She cast a glance at the buildings on the left before briefly looking at _Notre-Dame-de-Paris_ in her back. The view she had from the _Saint Louis Bridge_ was cliché but in its most pleasant form and she suddenly had the feeling to be in a movie.

Within a short walking distance, Paris had ceased to be the modern capital it actually was. From the _Île Saint-Louis_ , time seemed to have got suspended. The _Seine_ was peacefully sliding along the Hausmannian buildings before finding its way under one of the four bridges that connected the small island to the rest of the city. It looked like a movie set, a very old movie set. Jane loved it.

She and Maura stopped for a few minutes to observe the jugglers. They had all the time in the world anyway.

"They're always here." Maura gave Jane a smile. They had overslept and had decided to skip breakfast in order to visit _Notre-Dame_ instead. Maura knew a nice restaurant on the island that was just a five-minute walk from the cathedral. Everything was perfect. "I've never crossed this bridge without an artist standing on it."

"Can we go downstairs? By the Seine?"

Of course Maura enthusiastically nodded at Jane. One more time she was very happy to see that her friend was so eager to discover the city. Their vacations seemed to have resumed after an ectic day of emotions and confessions. They were back on track. Together. It felt right.

Maura grabbed Jane by the arm and they began to walk anew towards the stairs that led to the bank of the river where seagulls were searching for food rather loudly. The sun caressed the tree-lined path and made the _Seine_ glimmer like a river of diamonds.

"The _Île Saint-Louis_ is one of the two natural islands in the _Seine_ river in Paris. It is one of France's first example of urban planning. It was mapped and built from end to end during the 17-century reigns of Henri IV and Louis XIII."

As they reached the cobblestoned path by the river, Maura immediately took on her right. Jane followed without saying a word. She looked up at the sky as the sun disappeared under big gray clouds. It would rain. Soon enough. The air smelled of rain and the wind blew hard. But she couldn't care less.

She was with Maura right now and the rest had very little importance.

"Come with me. I want you to see the west point of the island. It's... It's a bit iconic."

The walk was very pleasant. They neither heard the sound of the traffic nor the brouhaha of the tourists' conversations from where they were. The feeling to be alone with Maura in spite of being in the heart of Paris overwhelmed Jane. She swallowed hard before taking a deep breath in order to calm down a bit.

She hadn't slept well. Too many things had happened the day before. When she had opened her eyes in the morning, she had faced a different reality than the one she had known until now. She was fine with it but something bothered her.

Something that she couldn't name.

Maura was still the same though. She hadn't changed. She had simply opened up about herself. The truth was that the discomfort Jane felt didn't even come from Maura. It came from herself. And she didn't know what to do of it.

"There." Maura went to sit on the bench as they reached the west point of the island. The tree-lined path was quiet. The view was spectacular, just as promised. "I often come here when I stop by Paris."

Jane nodded.

She was standing by the bench, her hands sunk in the pockets of her jeans. She didn't feel like sitting down. Not just yet. Maura didn't seem to mind the distance between their respective bodies.

"It's so peaceful here... If I ever had to live in Paris then I would buy an apartment on this island. What do you think?"

Jane turned around in order to look at the buildings but she couldn't see any for she was standing way too close to the wall. She made a few steps backwards – towards the Seine – to observe the architecture of the area. She then nodded.

"I can picture you out here, indeed. Why don't you do it?"

"Do what?!"

Jane laughed lightly. She shrugged with an unusual nonchalance before motioning the buildings anew. She thought she had been clear enough. She looked at Maura.

"Why don't you move here?"

"Because my life is in Boston." _With you_. Maura looked down at her lap. She had swallowed back the last two words before them to have a chance to pass her lips. There were some things that she couldn't say anymore. "I like France but..."

Of course it was easy for Jane to suggest such possibility. Maura pursed her lips. Jane was leaving. She was turning the page over Boston. She didn't have any issue with any geographical distance. But it was different for Maura. Very different.

She was attached to Boston and to the people she knew there.

Jane's family was the family that Maura had always wanted to have. Jane had brought her a lot more than just a strong friendship. During these past few years, some of Maura's craziest dreams had come true. Thanks to Jane. So she couldn't go away like that. She couldn't abandon all this as if all the things she had built didn't mean anything.

"But what if you met someone here? Would you still go back to Boston?"

The question was fair or at least genuine but the idea sounded completely uncongruous to Maura. How could she meet someone somewhere? She had already met someone. The issue was that this someone would never be hers. Or at least not in the way she hoped to. She shook her head vehemently as a tired smile played on her lips.

"That won't happen, Jane. It can't happen."

"Why? You're still young, and beautiful. And smart. There must be plenty of French people eager to meet you. Or anyone. There are many nationalities in this city."

The first rain drops began to fall. Jane moved to stand under a tree nearby but Maura remained on the bench. She didn't care about the rain. She didn't care about anything anymore but about the oddness of the unexpected conversation she was now having with Jane. She was playing with fire and she knew that she would lose the game.

Resignation passed underneath her skin and got betrayed by the heavy sigh of surrender that passed her lips.

"It can't happen because I've already met someone."

She had reached a point of no-return. Her emotional fatigue was on the verge of exploding into a thousand words that she had been holding back for too long. She hadn't forgotten about the consequences – about the impact what she was about to say would have on the upcoming minutes and on the rest of her life – but she was done.

She was so done with pretending that everything was fine.

"What?!"

The perplexity that showed in Jane's reaction didn't surprise her the slightest bit. It pressed a bit more on her shoulders maybe but her loneliness was such that she was fine with the idea of hitting the depths of her painful heart.

"It's you, Jane." Maura bit her lips. She swallowed hard then turned her head in order to look at her friend. "It's always been you."

 _I'm making a mistake. Right now. I'm sitting next to you and I'm telling you the only thing I don't want you to ever know. Something's happening. Is this the end? Sadly I doubt that it's only the beginning. How I wish it were..._

 _I sweep away the decisions I had taken yesterday with a confusing easiness. Everything collapses. Right now. I can see it on your face. Yesterday you learned about Anita and indirectly about the other women and today I drop this bomb on you with all the unfairness my soul is made of. I'm sorry to be so blunt, Jane. I'm sorry if I'm in love with you._

 _I'm sorry if I hurt you._

Maura shrugged as she realized how tactless she had been. She hadn't used any transition. She hadn't brought up the subject subtly. She had been very blunt instead. Too blunt, actually.

A man appeared on their right. He was walking his dog. He timidly looked at Jane – then at Maura – before disappearing anew at the corner of the west point. The intrusion barely lasted a minute but it resulted enough to break the pace of an already upside down moment.

Jane blinked. The rain was falling harder now.

Maura finally stood up. She was soaked wet and rain drops were forming transparent diamonds on her graceful traits. She came closer to Jane. Slowly. Bitterly.

"I'm sorry."

Everything went fast. Too fast. Maura barely had time to capture Jane's lips in a kiss that Jane had already made a step backwards. She turned away and left while mumbling an inaudible reply.

 _This is it. See? I knew that it would happen. I knew that you would run away from me. I knew right from the start. I don't trust my instinct but there's nothing instinctive here. It's just pure logic._

 _I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have told you that I'm in love with you. I should have kept appearances up instead and life would have gone on. We would have spend the rest of the month together then you would have left for a life I'm not part of._

 _I'm not angry with you. I've just taken you aback and I've lacked politeness. What kind of person forces a friend into a kiss like that? Without any warning?_

 _In the rain._

 _You're my first kiss in the rain, Jane._

 _And probably the last one as well._


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for your reviews, I'm glad to see that you're still enjoying this Parisian story.**

 **Chapter Twelve**

"You smoke?! Your mother had told me that you had quit. Like mother, like daughter...?"

The remark caused Maura to stare blankly at the cigarette that she was now holding. She shrugged. She hadn't smoked for at least fifteen years. Or even more. She couldn't remember. She had quit though. It was true. As a matter of fact, it had never been an addiction. She had begun to smoke because she lacked of everything and she found nicotine to be an odd and dangerous comfort.

"It must be Paris."

Her desire for nicotine had always been stronger in France. Perhaps - or even probably - because of all those things Maura went through when in Paris. She didn't know why the French capital had such impact on her life. First with Anita, and now with Jane. Two decades separated both women but the respective situations looked exactly the same.

"Then you shouldn't come here." Léopoldine poured some tea in two mugs. The silence in the room contrasted with the sound of the beverage as it hit the edge of the delicate porcelain. "Smoking is a terrible habit but I'm going to assume that you know this. You're a medical doctor, after all. Aren't you?"

"And so what? Only artists are allowed to smoke?" Maura nonetheless abandoned her untouched cigarette in the ashtray. She had bought the pack just after emerging back from the tree-lined path where Jane had run away from her. She had needed nicotine like we need a hug except she had felt cold afterwards. Cold and lonely. She crossed her arms against her chest and cast a glance at the living-room. "Nothing has changed, here."

Maura walked towards the couch. She liked Léopoldine's house a lot.

Her aunt was living on _Square Montsouris_ , a cobblestoned alley where many famous artists had lived once. In the 14th arrondissement. The heterogeneity of the architecture was surprising for a city like Paris. Maura found it charming. She liked the unbalanced beauty of the place. The mess that rose from it was perfect.

She sat down and picked up her mug of tea. The rain was still falling hard outside. And loudly. It echoed against the floor-to-ceiling windows of the living-room and brought a gloomy nuance to an already gray day.

Léopoldine looked at the room, at the small sculptures abandoned on the floor. The paintings that she had started but had never finished. The books, the candles. The old hardwood floor.

"I've never liked changes."

That was true. Time had no hold whatsoever on Léopoldine. She was still the same passionate and quiet woman. A brilliant mind. People often said that Maura looked a lot like her. Of course it was anything but a compliment for Maura.

Lies.

Maura liked her aunt. A lot. She had just proved it again in spite of that silence that she had imposed both of them for the past twenty years. Jane had run away and the only clear thing that had showed up in Maura's head just after was a need to go and talk to Léopoldine. It was very telling.

"Would you like to call the hotel in order to know whether she's there?"

Maura shook her head. She had showed up at Léopoldine's door soaked wet, in tears. She had mumbled a semblance of explanation and now that her anxious storm had vanished, Léopoldine tried to bring back logic into her life.

"No. Jane may not speak French very well but she will find her way back to the _Lutétia_. She's a very independent person. This isn't an issue for her. She will handle it."

"I thought you were together. I mean... That's what your mother had told me and that's what I thought when I saw you yesterday." A quiet and uncertain laugh passed the artist's lips. She sounded disarmed but at peace with herself, with the words that she was saying. "It seemed evident."

Maura smiled at the remark. Out of politeness. She was too focused on the kimono that she was wearing – her clothes were in the dryer – to pay attention to Léopoldine's thoughts.

"Well... Don't trust appearances."

"I don't think it's appearances. I think she loves you the way you love her but you've been way too tactless, Maura. I don't think she'd have run away if you had taken your time instead of blurting it out the way you did."

The roles had been reversed. Léopoldine now showed wisdom when it was exactly what she had lacked of twenty years earlier with Anita. She had learned her lesson. Maura – however – was just as lost except she had been loud with Jane. Too loud.

"It's a disaster." Maura sank her face into her hands. The skin-to-skin contact warmed her up just enough so her pain would subdue. "We're sharing the same suite, the same bed. What am I supposed to do now? Maybe she's actually already left. Maybe she's at the airport waiting for the next flight to Boston. And what will she tell them once there? What will she tell everyone? She's supposed to be here for a month. It's barely been five days."

The oddest five days Maura had ever lived.

"If she's gone when you go back to your hotel then everything will be clear... Just as if she's still here, in Paris. Either way, it's a declaration, Maura. A declaration that you will have to accept."

Maura had always been unlucky in love. She had had bright days but they had never lasted long enough for her to remember them. She had learned to live among gray, menacing clouds. Among good-byes and failures. She wasn't good at dealing with human beings anyway. She didn't have what it took in order to understand the complexity of relationships.

What had happened earlier on was anything but a surprise. She had screwed it, she knew it. Jane wasn't to blame. As a matter of fact, Maura felt bad for her friend. Jane had been forced into something that she had either never thought about or had denied strongly. Vehemently.

What Jane was going through right now looked similar to what Maura had gone through when Léopoldine had pushed her to admit that she had feelings for another girl.

"Don't give up, Maura. Don't make the same mistake. You know, the one you made with Anita. I have my part of responsibility in what happened and I assume it but... But you ran away from her because you were too scared to face your feelings. Don't do this twice. You can't afford it. You're forty years old now, besides. You're strong enough to face a love story."

"What do you know about love stories? You've always been single."

Léopoldine didn't take the remark badly. An amused smile lit up her traits. It embraced her eyes lovingly. She took a sip of tea before answering Maura's question.

"I'm a lonely person. You know this. But... But that doesn't mean I've never had love stories. Just because I prefer to have affairs doesn't mean there is no feelings involved."

A mistress. Léopoldine had always been the woman who remains in the shadow, the one men meet once a week in complete anonymity. The woman who has no name.

Maura didn't mind even if she wondered if it wasn't just the only way her aunt had found to make sure that she would never get hurt by romantic reasons.

Léopoldine had never got married, of course. She had never had a child either. Perhaps she had had a few abortions. Perhaps. Her life was a delicate mystery, just like her temper. It was oddly fascinating.

"Maybe I'm just like you. I'm lonely, you know. Very lonely."

The artist burst out laughing. She sounded young, all of a sudden. Her voice was bright and clear, a bit high-pitched. She shook her head at Maura with an almost maternal sweetness.

"No, you're not. You wish you were, it's different. You've tried to be lonely, to convince yourself that it's who you are but... You're not, Maura. You're not a lonely person. You're not made for this. If only you could see yourself when you're with Jane... Then you'd understand all this immediately."

 _But Jane doesn't want me. She's never wanted me. She's accepted me in her life as a friend, a very good one. I'm honored by the choice she made. Yet it's this choice that breaks my heart now. It's not enough. I want more, a lot more. It's not a whim but a necessity._

 _I'm angry with you, Léopoldine, because I'm angry with myself. Your clumsiness hurt me. It caused a lot of damage in the building of my identity. The way you pushed me to admit that I had feelings for Anita was traumatic, because I wasn't ready for all the things it implies. Except time has passed by and I'm fine with it now. Thus the anger I feel towards you is ridiculous. I should have turned the page by now._

 _I wish I had._

 _Then I wouldn't feel like I'm wasting time and opportunities. One day I'll feel like talking to you – spending time with you – but you won't be here anymore. It'll be too late._

 _I'm sorry. I want to get over it. I honestly do._

"What I did was led by despair and nothing else. A selfish despair. Jane is leaving for Quantico. At the end of the month, she'll start a brand new life and I won't be part of it. I didn't even believe in the possibility of her kissing me in return... I lost my mind over a fantasy."

"You've missed your career, Maura. You should have been a tragedian." As harsh as the words may sound, Léopoldine's kiss on her niece's cheek swept the bitterness away. She was joking. Her fingertips brushed Maura's nape lovingly. "If only you dared... Even as a child, you didn't dare. You didn't dare to move, you didn't dare to try. You didn't dare to live."

Maura shrugged. Her aunt was right.

"What can I say? It's just the way I am."

 _I don't dare because it hurts. Why would I inflict myself even more pain if I can avoid it? Life is just fine if you're careful. Fine and reassuring. I'm not adventurous. I've never been._


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and your daily patience... ! Sylvie : Oui, je suis française, j'habite Paris ! :)**

 **Chapter Thirteen**

Jane didn't know where she was but she needed the anonymity of the buildings, of all those streets that she walked through. She needed the lack of memories that she had of Paris and the feeling to be a stranger among the crowd of passers-by whom she came across from time to time.

The streets were rather empty though. It rained too much for a walk.

She had headed back to the hotel. After long minutes of an anxious silence, she had rushed to the bathroom of their suite in order to take a bath. The heat of the water had calmed her down for a while but she had soon needed fresh air anew. Thus she had left the _Lutétia_ again – with an umbrella, this time – before starting an aimless walk through the streets of the French capital.

She hadn't tried to reach Maura on her phone. A little voice in her head – unless the voice came from her heart – kept on telling her that Maura was fine, that she had probably gone straight to her aunt's house. They both needed the distance anyway. It was paramount right now.

The rain in Paris didn't look like any other rain. It looked torrential from the outside but it actually felt like drizzle once you were on the street. The gloomy light that pierced through the gray clouds brought up the heaviness of a broken heart. It matched Jane's state of mind rather bitterly. Ironically. She felt less lonely and confused among people on the street.

Maura had kissed her. Maura had opened up about something Jane had guessed a long time ago. The mere reminiscence of that unexpected kiss on the _Île Saint-Louis_ was enough to drag Jane down into a labyrinth of anxiety. Her heart began to beat faster, her mouth turned dry and her hands started shaking. She hadn't simply run away from Maura but from her own feelings as well, from something that she had never really wanted to accept.

It was too complicated. As a matter of fact, none of this made sense. Unlike Maura, Jane didn't feel attracted to women. She had only dated men until now and it felt right. It had to. Nobody changed at forty-one years old. Everything was defined and clear by then.

But Maura had showed up in her life one day and something had tipped over in Jane's heart. What she had seen as certainties had become blurry and before her to have a chance to understand what was going on, those certainties had turned into doubts. Perhaps Jane wasn't the woman she thought she was. Perhaps she was wrong about herself, about what and whom she liked.

Perhaps.

Maura's feelings should have comforted her. As a matter of fact, she should have seen that moment like the most glorious one of her life. But she had been scared instead. She hadn't felt ready for it. Besides, she hadn't seen it come. Maura had honestly taken her aback, too violently.

It was too late to build anything else than the friendship they had. Jane was leaving for Quantico and Maura was staying in Boston. Washington D.C. wasn't a dream but an exit, something that may save Jane from remaining stuck when everyone around her seemed to be evolving.

Frankie was getting married. Maura was writing a novel and she now worked at Hope's clinic from time to time. It smelled of changes, of these moments that define a life irremediably. Everyone had projects but Jane. She hated it.

The FBI was a good excuse. She had accepted the job offer to prove to herself and to everyone that she could do it too, that she could have dreams and life projects. The truth was that she didn't want to leave. She didn't want anything to change.

" _Bonjour_...*" Jane put her apprehension aside and walked into a cafe. She had been walking for at least two hours now and she felt tired. Tired and cold. The temperatures were low and the night would fall soon. She needed a break. " _Je_..."*

The waitress gave her a bright smile. She showed a table by the fireplace and brought Jane a menu. The place was quiet and rather empty. Only a few people were sitting at the counter lost in the contemplation of their drinks.

Jane didn't know where she was.

The name of the cafe that appeared on the menu didn't give her the proper indications to locate the place. The only thing she knew was that she was still on the Left Bank because she hadn't crossed the _Seine_ again. She couldn't do that.

The river was now linked to Maura and to that kiss they had shared. Jane swallowed hard. Could she really say that they had shared it? She hadn't responded to it. She had immediately made a step backwards before shaking her head and running away. The notion of sharing had very little to do with what had happened.

"Ahem... _Je ne sais pas_...*"

Jane looked at the waitress apologetically as the waitress came back to take her order. Jane felt sorry for not knowing what to order and for that terrible accent she had whenever she tried to speak French.

It made her feel ridiculous and uneducated.

The employee didn't take it badly at all though. On the contrary. She rested a hand on Jane's shoulder before giving her a wink.

" _J'ai ce qu'il vous faut. Je reviens tout de suite_.*"

Completely clueless of what the woman had just said, Jane nonetheless gave her a nod as she watched her go away. She then focused on the fireplace. It was a pointless detail but she hadn't assumed that Paris had so many fireplaces. Yet no matter where she went to, she always ended up close to the orange-ish flames. She found the coincidence to be strange but comforting.

The waitress came back with a glass of Cognac. Jane thanked her in silence before holding back a bitter laugh: she must have looked really desperate if the first drink that came to one's mind when seeing her was strong alcohol.

She drank it nonetheless. It burned her throat before warming up her stomach.

Paris without Maura was strange. It wasn't unpleasant but it didn't feel right nonetheless. Jane fed herself of the singular atmosphere of a rainy day in the city but she missed Maura's presence by her side.

" _S'il vous plaît_.*"

Jane motioned her empty glass and quietly asked for a refill as soon as she caught the waitress' attention in spite of her timid attempt to speak French.

She wouldn't get drunk but she wanted to forget everything. She wanted to forget why she had landed in that cafe alone, why she had run away from Maura. Why her heart beat faster whenever she thought about her friend.

Why it was necessary for her to leave Boston.

...

"Good evening, Miss Jane. How are you?"

Jane's smile didn't reach her eyes and it made her feel bad. François was polite and she owed him the same politeness in return. Even more after what he had done for her. She forced herself to smile even more, to look casual.

"I'm okay, how are you doing? Thank you very much for the note, by the way."

"You're welcome. Have you already made up your mind? Whatever you choose, I'm sure _Mademoiselle_ Maura will enjoy it a lot."

Jane had walked back to the _Lutétia_. She hadn't got lost. Against all expectations, she had followed her instinct and she had had no issue to find back the palace hotel. The pride she felt was numbed by the sadness of the day though and she didn't feel like celebrating anything at all.

François' allusion to the surprise she had wanted to prepare for Maura made the situation look even harder. She shook her head before shrugging nonchalantly in order to win some time.

She knew that her voice would be shaking if she spoke right now. She didn't want her feelings to show.

She just wanted to hide.

Would there be a surprise? She hardly doubted so. She could draw a line under it now. She could draw a line under everything.

"May I suggest you something?"

If François understood the peculiarity of the moment then he didn't let it show. His friendly tone remained the same. He was still just as thoughtful too.

"Sure..."

"Take her to some place she's never been to. To the most Parisian one of all."

Jane remained quiet. She wasn't in the mood for charades and mysterious statements. What did François mean exactly? Did she have to take Maura to the Eiffel Tower? To _Le Moulin Rouge_? Wasn't it a bit cliché? And packed?

"The most Parisian place of all is the closest one to the sky." François raised a hand to excuse himself. He turned around then walked to the reception desk where he wrote down something on a small sheet of paper. He held it out to Jane with that discretion that looked so much like him. "Here's what you're looking for. Call them. They speak English."

Jane read the note. The least she could say was that she hadn't expected this. But it fit. It would have fit if Maura hadn't tried to kiss her earlier on.

She suddenly wondered if Maura was back to the hotel. It was very stupid but such thought hadn't crossed Jane's mind until now. She had imagined her friend to be at Léopoldine's, to talk and solve a few things. But what if Maura was here instead? What if she was waiting for Jane?

Jane walked back to their suite with a lot of apprehension after thanking François anew. Silence and darkness welcomed her. The room was empty, and cold. Jane swept away a feeling of disappointment and went to sit on the armchair Maura loved so much sitting on in the morning. Her feelings didn't make sense: she didn't want to see Maura yet she was dying to feel her touch again.

Life was so confusing.

Jane wished she had someone to speak to but the nature of her anxiety made it impossible for her to even put words on it. Perhaps it was the way things had to go.

She closed her eyes then leaned her head against the cold window.

At no moment did Jane think about leaving Paris. She never cast a glance at her suitcase. She didn't think about packing. She had to assume what was happening even if it would take her some time to accept it.

Everything happens for a reason.

Absolutely everything.

...

 _Bonjour:_ **Hello**

 _Je...:_ **I...**

 _Je ne sais pas:_ **I don't know**

 _J'ai ce qu'il vous faut. Je reviens tout de suite_.: **I have what you need. I'll be right back.**

 _S'il vous plaît:_ **Please**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages (I'm sorry I've been terribly busy and I haven't had time to answer your messages yet).**

 **Chapter Fourteen**

"Please give her this note as soon as you see her and if you don't see her then call her aunt. She'll give her the message. It's really important." Jane paused. "Really. Important. Paramount."

The employee gave Jane a polite nod but the serenity that he showed contrasted too sharply with her anxiety for her to feel reassured. She nonetheless left the note at the reception desk – a bit reluctantly – before walking out of the palace hotel.

Maura hadn't spent the night at the _Lutétia_. Her absence didn't surprise Jane much but she honestly hoped that Maura would come back today. She couldn't stay hidden at Léopoldine for the rest of their stay anyway. It was ridiculous. Besides, Maura's clothes were still at the hotel. She would need them at some point.

Jane refused to believe that everything was over. She wanted the exact opposite: it had to be the beginning and only the beginning.

The sound of the traffic on the boulevard brought an unexpected comfort to Jane. It had stopped raining and the sky was blue again. A bright, intense blue. She wanted to see it as a sign: everything would go smoothly from now on, everything would be alright. She turned on her right and began to walk down the _rue de Sèvres_. Peacefully.

Something had changed over night. Many things had changed actually. Paris had ceased to look unfamiliar to Jane. She now knew the streets and the buildings. The stores and the public gardens that the French called _squares_. Of course she didn't know the city as well as Maura did but she now had memories that were linked to Paris.

She wasn't a stranger among a crowd of faces anymore. A part of her life was happening here. And now.

She had a few extra hours before waiting for Maura by the place that would hopefully make the difference. Everything would go fast, she knew it. She didn't have time to lose.

She turned on her right anew as she reached the _rue du Vieux-Colombier_. She walked by the theater of the same name and that belonged to _La Comédie Française_ that has an unbroken tradition reaching back to the days of _Molière_ and was founded in 1680 by a decree of Louis XIV. She cast a glance at the theater and thought about Maura.

Of course she owed whatever she knew about that place to her friend.

She reached the _rue de Rennes_ and walked down the metro station as if she had done that all her life when she had simply woken up with a brand new self-confidence a couple of hours before, with the feeling of belonging to a place.

To someone.

Line 4. It opened in 1908 and was the first to cross the Seine underground that went from North to South. It is now one of the fastest lines, one of the most crowded as well.

Yet Jane felt fine on the train, among people she saw for the first time. She rarely took the subway in Boston because she had a car and that it made things easier but there was something peaceful in the idea of being on a train, on not having control of the situation. She didn't have to care about the traffic nor about being on time. She didn't have to fear an accident. She could relax, quietly.

She did.

She took a connection at the station _Strasbourg-Saint-Denis_ as if she had always known those corridors and those white and green trains. She felt proud of it and slightly upset because there was nobody she knew able to witness it. She was a tourist but she didn't feel like one anymore. She felt strong, and confident.

Impatient.

The building appeared after twenty minutes of a subterranean travel among the dark, among noises that Jane had never heard before. Taken aback by the strength that seemed to emanate from the building that rose opposite the street, she remained still on the sidewalk for long minutes. Just to observe it.

Maura had often told her about it. She had seen it on television a few times already. But she hadn't imagined it to look so impressive. So big. It carried the weight of the past, of moments that make History. It wasn't just another building.

She crossed the large square and climbed the stairs that led to the entrance only to realize that the doors were close.

During the day, people walked into the building on the left side only. The main doors opened when the night fell over Paris and that a multitude of lights began to shine on the streets.

"Nice to meet you, Jane." Anaïs held out her hand for Jane to shake it. A bright smile lit up her graceful traits. She looked exactly the way Jane had imagined. "And welcome to the _Opéra Garnier_."

...

 _Cosi Fan Tutte._

As the buildings were speeding past by the window of the car, Maura understood less and less the message that Jane had left for her at the reception desk of the _Lutétia_. A part of her couldn't care less because the only thing she thought about was the fact Jane wanted to see her again. It meant a lot to Maura. As a matter of fact, it meant everything. Jane hadn't drawn a line under her existence. She hadn't left Paris.

And she wanted to talk to her.

But asking Maura to meet her at the _Opéra Garnier_ was very strange to say the least. Maura didn't see Jane book tickets for an opera, even less for Mozart. Jane had studied music but she didn't like classical music at all. She preferred rock and more modern songs. Going to the opera house wasn't Jane. It didn't fit.

Unless...

A timid smile curled up Maura's lips but too briefly for anyone to notice it. Perhaps Jane was trying to seduce her. Perhaps an evening at the most famous opera house of Europe was her way of telling Maura that she wanted to kiss her in return. Perhaps.

Maura closed her eyes. She didn't have to succumb to such fantasies because reality would hit her hardly afterward. She would pay the price for being genuine.

She looked down at the dress that she had chosen. She couldn't go to the _Opéra Garnier_ in casual clothes. Nobody went to the opera house in a casual outfit. Even less in Paris. Thus she had chosen a Chanel black dress and matching stilettos but the more she looked at her attire, the more she wondered if Jane would look elegant also.

That was another detail that didn't match with who Jane was. Jane was all about casual clothes, all about a pair of jeans and tennis shoes.

"We should be there within ten minutes, Miss."

Maura nodded at her chauffeur. The closer they came to the opera house, the faster her heart beat. She could feel the pressure of important moments on her shoulders and the depth of that ocean of what-ifs she was swimming through.

Hopefully she wouldn't drown.

 _Forgive me, Jane. Forgive me for this kiss and for wanting to kiss you again. I've learned my lesson but my heart speaks another language. There is no logic in love. I wish you could understand. Forgive me for not pretending something else._

 _I love you. I am in love with you. I don't force you to love me in return but I want you to acknowledge my feelings nonetheless. This is the only thing I'm asking you._

 _Please respect the beats of my heart and the endless dreams I have of you. It means a lot to me._

 _I haven't been fair to you and I deserve what has happened during these past twenty-four hours but it isn't a reason to hate me. Please. Don't do this. Don't turn your back at me. I don't have a hold over my feelings but I swear that I won't impose them to you. How could I do this, anyway?_

"We've arrived, Miss. May you have a nice evening."

The chauffeur's soft voice caused Maura to sweep away her daydreams a bit too quickly. She didn't want to get out of the car. She lacked the courage it took to face whatever was waiting for her outside. Whatever life had in store for her.

She wanted her chauffeur to drive away and to pretend that she had never got Jane's note. She dreaded their face-to-face because the awkwardness would be inevitable. She knew it.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. She was really bad at living. She had ruined everything with her so-called spontaneity the day before on the _Île Saint-Louis_. That fiasco was enough to prove her incapacity to interact with people and to embrace a few romantic feelings.

The chauffeur opened her door. Her shaking foot touched the ground and an icy wind went up her leg. She shivered and swallowed hard. She couldn't go backwards anymore. Léopoldine was right: she had to dare, to try. To get disappointed and to be happy. Or else she would never know what she would have missed.

She gave an umpteenth nod to the chauffeur and watched how the car disappeared in the night. She had walked inside the _Lutétia_ in the first hours of the afternoon only to get handed that mysterious note from Jane. The relief she had felt over the fact that her friend hadn't left had quickly melted into that deep confusion that now inhabited her.

What was she doing at the _Opéra Garnier_?

 _I turn around and you're the first person I spot on the stairs. I could notice you in a crowd, Jane. You're standing there, alone. In an ankle-length black dress. You've done your hair and you're wearing makeup. A bracelet is shining on your wrist. It's new. Just like the dress._

 _People think you hate feminine clothes but I know that it isn't true. I know that you're just afraid to look vulnerable in a dress. It's something you hate._

 _You blame your job and the environment you grew up in but I know it's also and beforehand a matter of self-confidence. You're terrified of vulnerability but the truth is that we all are, Jane. We're all scared of getting hurt._

 _Me the first._

 _I walk towards you and you smile at me. There are people on the stairs. Tourists who have sat down there and people who have come to attend the opera. Cosi Fan Tutte. And then there's you. You and your smile. You look hopeful._


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages, as well as for your patience. I promise to not tease you any longer now. ;)**

 **Chapter Fifteen**

Jane's hand felt hot against Maura's. Hot and reassuring. The touch was full of self-confidence as Jane led Maura to some place that wasn't the opera house. Or at least not really.

They hadn't talked. They had barely looked at each other on the stairs outside when Maura had arrived. Then Jane had murmured an inaudible 'come with me' before dragging Maura into a labyrinth of corridors and stairs. The _Opéra Garnier_ was big and impressive. Maura had attended a few operas there in the past but at no moment had she had the occasion to actually visit the building.

They walked past a dozen of doors – all closed – before disappearing in the heights of the opera house. They wouldn't see _Cosi Fan Tutte_. Maura didn't need to ask Jane about it for the bell had rung a few minutes earlier and they hadn't headed towards the main room unlike the rest of the audience.

It was all very confusing. Jane's pace, their mysterious destination. Confusing but fascinating as well, Maura had to admit it.

And then they reached it: the last door, the one that led to Jane's secret plan. It was a very small door – one that could easily pass unnoticed – and you needed a key to actually open it.

Maura stared at Jane with great perplexity as Jane showed said key. Jane had never been to Paris. She didn't know a single soul in that city. Yet she suddenly had access to a building that most of people considered as a monument, an access to a place that only a few would ever reach.

It was immensely confusing.

The wind embraced Maura's nape a second after Jane opened the door but as unpleasant as the feeling should have been, Maura barely felt anything. She was way too taken aback by what lay now before her eyes.

The roof of the opera house. Jane had led her to the roof of the _Opéra Garnier_ ; there, among the statues that overlooked the Eiffel Tower and all the other monuments of Paris. Not only was the view breathtaking but also very unique for nobody but a few employees could access it.

A few employees and Jane apparently.

"Follow me."

The self-confidence that Jane had showed was still very strong and very surprising. Maura followed her quietly, unable to say the mere thing. However she noticed the easiness with which her friend moved on top of the building. It looked like a large terrace - there was nothing dangerous - but it was clearly not the first time that Jane came there.

They walked past a statue and Maura froze. Suddenly. Unexpectedly. The bottle of Champagne and the two glasses had been set on a small wooden box on the floor next to the five steps that led to the edge of the rood where you could easily sit down in order to admire Paris.

Jane sat down by the drink. She gave Maura a timid smile in order to push her friend to join her on the improvised seats.

Maura obliged.

It wasn't as cold as she had imagined it to be. The sun was setting in the distance by the Eiffel Tower. Peacefully. Silently.

Someone had to speak. Someone had to say something at some point. Maura looked down at her feet hoping that Jane would make the first step for she didn't know herself what to say.

She wanted to apologize and burst into tears. She wanted to plead Jane to not leave, to never go to Quantico even if they had to remain friends and friends only. She wanted to forget the last twenty-four hours and the anxiety that those hours had stirred up in her brain.

She wanted a thousand things but couldn't focus on any.

"François helped me with... With all this." Jane vaguely motioned the Champagne as well as the roof of the opera house. "He probably has the best connections in town."

Jane felt like laughing but she didn't manage to do it. Her timid laugh stayed trapped in her throat, held back by the fast beating of her heart. She had spent the last hours making sure that her plan would work out and – just like the artists a few floors below – her performance had just started. It was a key-moment in her life. She knew it. Everything depended on it.

She wasn't allowed to ruin her changes.

Maura nodded.

"He is a remarkable man, indeed. He's... He's family."

Of all the things that they could tell each other after the fiasco of the day before, Maura would have never imagined that talking about François was the one that she and Jane would end up choosing. Of course their casual chat hid something a lot more meaningful and they both needed time to warm up at the idea of resuming their life together but the moment was singular nonetheless.

"I shouldn't have run away but you took me aback, Maura. You really did."

Maura nodded though she remained focused on her stilettos. She was glad to see that Jane didn't want to wait any longer in order to talk about the kiss Maura had given her. It was scaring though. Too scaring. She wasn't sure what Jane had in mind and that lack of control over the situation scared Maura.

She was at the mercy of fate and she hated the vulnerability that rose from it.

"You... Don't wanna talk to me?" Jane cleared her voice as a wave of discomfort rushed through her. "Are you mad at me? I'm not saying you don't have a reason to be mad at me but... I just... I just want to know...?"

A quiet sigh escaped from Maura's mouth. She rolled her eyes then shook her head with a bitterness that echoed the one of her soul.

"How could I be mad at you?"

The words had hit the air in a whisper but the quietness of the roof had caused them to sound almost loud.

She and Jane couldn't even hear the traffic below in spite of the opera house being at the crossroad of boulevards. If Maura looked up, time seemed to have got suspended. All she could see was a ribbon of blue-gray roofs, the old statues of the opera house and the Eiffel Tower in the distance. Paris looked unique from there, unique and breathtaking.

Romantic at its best.

"Good... Because I'm not mad at you either." Jane grabbed the bottle of Champagne with a shaking hand. If she had prepared everything with the help of François and Anaïs – the employee of the _Opéra Garnier_ – she hadn't really thought about what she would tell Maura once they would be together on the roof. On top of the Parisian world. "Here's for you."

Maura gladly accepted the drink.

"You shouldn't have done all this, you know."

Jane put the bottle back on the wooden box. She looked at her own glass of Champagne and brushed Maura's with it.

"I had to. I really had to." She took a sip of Champagne before setting her glass down next to the bottle. "I had to because... Because I need to apologize and because... Because it's not what I wanted to do, Maura."

 _We are in the most romantic city in the world, Jane. Alone, on this roof. With this unique view that even movies can't offer. You are sitting next to me and you are apologizing for something I did. Why does my life have to be so upside down? Why can't I simply tell you the way I feel? The words won't come out. They stay trapped in my throat and they dance a confusing ballet of some sort in my head. I dislike my inner soliloquies. They make me feel lonely._

"I don't understand what you mean."

Fine. Jane counted until three in her head. She then turned around in order to look into Maura's eyes with an intense sweetness. She wasn't scared. She simply felt disarmed because – as much as she knew what she wanted now – she had no idea what tomorrow was made of. What if all this disappeared? What if it slipped through her fingers the moment she would dare to brush it?

"I didn't want to run away from you. I wanted to kiss you." Jane swallowed hard. Her voice was shaking and she spoke very low. Her emotions echoed loudly through her words, and through her glimmering eyes though. "I want to kiss you. Do you want it too?"

 _If we were in a movie then you wouldn't ask me, Jane. You would simply lean over and you would kiss me. It would be simple and it would look natural as if it was meant to be. But reality isn't a movie. It's clumsy, and strange. Nothing is written in advance and you don't know what is going to happen next. You stutter, you look for your words. You focus to find the courage to speak up. The result is unbalanced but unique and that's why we all fall for it._

"I do."

It was the first time Maura was asked to be kissed. The moment was strange but so delicate and important that she didn't mind about her past experiences and about the way things usually go. The moment didn't belong to anyone but to her and Jane.

 _I don't know if I've waited for you to lean over or if I've leaned over. Perhaps it's the two of us, at the same time. I honestly don't know because it's blurry in my mind. Does it even matter anyway? I don't think so. Because the world stops turning as soon as I feel the heat of your lips on mine._

 _You're kissing me. I'm kissing you._

 _Nobody's running away. Nobody's looking for excuses. Nobody's trying to analyze what's happening. We're just in the moment and we're living it. Together. Because it's meant to be._

 _If we broke the kiss then we would realize that the sunset is gorgeous tonight. The sky is made of blue and pink. The Eiffel Tower glimmers over the buildings and Paris looks after us lovingly. The day is over but it's only the beginning._

 _The beginning to something better, to something warm and unique._


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for your reviews as well as for your private messages. They mean a lot to me. Don't be worried: there will be flashbacks of their first night together as I know that this is something you like to read about.**

 **Chapter Sixteen**

Maura walked to the bathroom slowly. The floor felt soft under her bare feet. She closed the door behind her with a lot of care before focusing on her reflection in the mirror. She stood naked in the middle of the room and let reminiscences of the night came back to her mind by waves. The flashbacks passed underneath her skin. They rushed through her veins then spread a powerful heat all over her body.

She wasn't young anymore. She had got older, this year. More than the previous years. She could feel it deep inside, she could see it in her eyes. Her body was different. It wasn't a negative remark. She didn't necessarily feel less attractive but she saw her own persona with distinct eyes. She recognized herself easily but the passing of time had begun its work on her smiles.

It had to happen at some point.

Her fingertips brushed her shoulder. They went down her breasts – the ones Jane had caressed and kissed – before coming to a rest on her lower stomach.

Her lower stomach wasn't as flat as it had been once. Her skin carried the weight of the years and the memories of a past. She closed her eyes and felt her lips curl up into a smile as she thought about the night she had just had.

Jane had ceased to be a fantasy. She had become an entity – a real one – that Maura had been able to touch, to caress and to kiss. Their respective bodies had got intertwined and their sighs had echoed the silence of the night before whispering away the intensity of their feelings. They hadn't really talked though. Everything had been implicit.

They had kissed on the rooftop of the opera house before watching the sunset over Paris. Hand in hand. Then they had headed back to the hotel.

They had resumed the exploration of their new reality and had and made love until the first hours of the morning.

Maura stepped into the Italian shower. She closed her eyes as the first water drops hit her face. She needed to feel the warmth of the water on her body just to make sure that she wasn't dead, that she hadn't got lost in a dream.

What had just happened between her and Jane was delicate. She wasn't sure that the transition between friendship and a romantic relationship had actually occured. She had the feeling to have missed it because they had rushed into things. Of course she didn't regret the night they had had and even less the way Jane had opened her heart to her but she couldn't help being afraid of what lay ahead of her now.

She had thrown her life into a game of kisses two days earlier. The coldness of defeat had wrapped her up until Jane had changed the rules. Maura felt fine, and hopeful now. Yet she didn't dare to talk about any victory because the situation was immensely and dangerously challenging.

She didn't question Jane's honesty nor the depth of her feelings but she nonetheless knew that her friend may end up regretting the choice that she had made. What if Jane was simply driven by curiosity? What if it was nothing but a fling?

They were in Paris, after all. The context was very singular. They were far from their daily life – far from the references that defined their existence – so they easily could feel the impact of that brand new and yet ephemeral freedom weigh on their shoulders. Going away for a while often led to such kind of situations but to what extent?

Maura had a very clear vision of the feelings that she had for Jane. Unfortunately, she didn't know whether these feelings were really mutual. Their kiss on the _Île Saint-Louis_ may have been a trigger for Jane and perhaps she had realized how she really felt for Maura. But perhaps reality was completely different as well: perhaps she wasn't just there yet, and perhaps she would never reach such stage.

Maura knew Jane. She knew her very well. She could feel her friend's confusion just as she could understand her near state of panic when she had kissed her without any warning. She had forced Jane to face a few things a bit too quickly. She had been clumsy.

 _Something important has happened to us. We've reached a degree of intimacy that we hadn't reached before. Now you know the curves of my body, and how they feel under your hands. You know the taste of my lips and how I react to your kisses. You've touched me. You've looked at me. You've heard me. I hope that this novelty will soon melt into something that you want to see as a habit. I won't pressure you, Jane. I promise you that I won't. I will show patience and wisdom._

I will be hopeful.

...

"Good morning." Maura barely waited for Jane to open her eyes. She leaned over and kissed her with a lot of gentleness. With a bit of uncertainty as well. "Good morning..."

Jane's eyes followed Maura's hand for a few seconds. She watched how Maura began to caress her neck, how her fingers slide along her skin and how they came to rest against her shoulder blade after a few seconds of hesitation.

"You've said that twice already."

Maura was wearing a bathrobe. Water drops embraced her nape and she smelled of soap. Her legs felt cool against Jane's as soon as she settled back in bed against Jane's body. Her gestures were sweet, and careful. Too careful.

They made Jane smile.

"I'm not gonna break, you know. I'm not made of glass. You can touch me."

The remark caused Maura to blush. Jane was being direct and casual as if nothing had happened.

Unlike what Maura had feared, Jane hadn't changed much and she didn't feel awkward after the night that they had spent together. It wasn't just another morning though. The moment was important. There had been a lot of first times for Jane these past hours and Maura knew – for having lived it herself once – how complicated it was to deal with those.

"Our train leaves in two hours."

It wasn't a question, even less a remark. It was nothing but a mere statement, one that Maura had made with such randomness that Jane wondered if she hadn't forgotten something during her sleep. Something important.

They weren't supposed to leave Paris now. They still had three weeks left, three weeks of an unforgettable stay in the City of Lights. Besides, they couldn't go back to Boston by train. Still half-asleep, Jane leaned up on her elbow in order to look into Maura's eyes with a sudden and deep seriousness.

"Where are we going to?"

"West. We're going West."

"West?! To meet the Wicked Witch?" Confusion darkened Maura's eyes. Jane immediately raised a hand to apologize for the pop culture reference that she had just made. "Never mind. Which West?"

Maura's light laugh in the morning was probably the warmest sound Jane had ever heard. Even more now as it echoed against her lips when Maura rolled on her stomach and passed on top of Jane to kiss her anew.

"There is only one West, Jane."

A whirl of kisses and caresses dragged Jane out of bed. She let Maura guide her towards the shower and before she even had the time to blink, they were in a taxi that took them towards one of Paris' train stations. To go West.

Life was happening and it was going fast. It made Jane feel dizzy but she enjoyed the bright colors her world suddenly had. And it felt warm. So warm. Maura had rested her fingers in the palm of her hand and the buildings were speeding past.

 _We could have stayed at the hotel. We could have stayed in our suite and let the passing of time take away our kisses. But life is short, Jane. There are too many things that I want to share with you and we can't see them from a hotel room._

 _Maybe it's also my way of avoiding a possible awkwardness because you've ceased to be just a friend. We need time to adapt to the situation but we're running out of it. I know that you haven't changed your mind - not yet? - and you're still going to Quantico. So if what we're living now is just a parenthesis in your life then I want to make sure that it turns out to be unforgettable._

 _I would like to show you the world. My world. I would like to whisper into your ear a thousand dreams I've had and all these desires that make my heart beat so fast. We can't afford to lose time in a hotel room. Not now._

 _The countdown has begun even if you refuse to admit it for the moment._

Going away from Paris for a couple of days would help them embrace the new pace of their relationship. They weren't running away from what had happened. On the contrary. Maura saw their getaway as a chance to soften their new ideal. And it was much needed.

"Don't look at the destinations."

A coffee in her hand, Jane held back a loud laugh. She didn't know France very well. None of the destinations on the board actually rang a bell. Maura's plan would remain mysterious until they reached their destination and even once there Jane would need an explanation anyway.

They stepped on a high-speed train. First class. The quietness of the coach took Jane aback. She followed Maura to their seats and cast a glance at her surrounding. The gray and red seats matched the carpeted floor. It looked very classy for a train. And cosy.

"Is it how it felt yesterday? When I took you to the roof of the opera house?"

The question must have amused Maura because her hazel eyes began to sparkle like diamonds. She squinted her eyes as she focused on the platform by the window.

She grabbed Jane's hand to hold it tightly on her lap and let her murmur hit the air before wrapping her up with a delicate self-confidence.

"Doesn't it feel good to let it go when you trust the person who's standing by your side?"


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: Thank you for taking the time to post a little something every day, I really appreciate it. Even if I can't add all your suggestions to the story, please know I nonetheless read your suggestions and I keep them in a notebook. So they may appear in another story. The angst/sadness should be less strong now as they need to focus on their couple and on what they want from it.**

 **Chapter Seventeen**

The last hours had turned her life projects into a complete chaos but Jane felt fine nonetheless. As a matter of fact, it had been a while since she had felt so much at peace with herself. Perhaps that serenity simply came from the fact that she had listened to her desires instead of abdicating to the dictates of society for once, and from the fact that she had dared to assume her feelings.

It wasn't easy. She had had to overcome many obstacles in order to embrace that night with Maura, all those changes the night that they had spent together implied. The moment being was delicate and hard to handle but she was glad to live it nonetheless. She didn't feel like running away from it anymore. The world hadn't stopped turning. She was still breathing. There was nothing to dread.

On the contrary.

Maura had fallen asleep rocked by the quiet movement of the high-speed train. Her head felt heavy against Jane's shoulder but warm as well. Jane didn't dare to move. She didn't want to anyway. She enjoyed the touch because it felt natural. It was even soothing.

She closed her eyes and focused on the night that she and Maura had shared. Maura's behavior had surprised her. For some reason, Jane had always assumed that Maura was authoritative in bed. In control. But she had showed a lot of sweetness instead, something close to a timidity that had taken Jane aback. She had been gentle, and careful. Perfect.

Jane took a deep breath before sliding a hand along Maura's thigh with the easiness that only daily gestures own. Except it was the first time she did that. She had never showed such degree of affection towards Maura until now.

She had slept with a woman. With her best friend. At forty-one years old, her life had tipped over and she didn't know anything anymore about herself. She could listen to her current feelings though: she liked feeling Maura against her body, she liked the taste of the kisses they shared. She liked making love to her. All those conclusions were very basic ones but they brought the comfort Jane absolutely needed right now.

She didn't want to think about the near future. The shadow of Quantico darkened her current lightness way too much.

One thing at a time.

She and Maura had spent a single night together. A mere nothing in a life. Wait and see. Only time could tell whether that relationship was really meant to be. Besides, the change was very sudden. It was almost crazy. The only thing Jane knew was that she didn't regret it.

She couldn't fantasize about anything. She couldn't make plans for the future already.

Being with Maura was different from any of her previous relationships, not because Maura was a woman but because the bond they shared was a lot more powerful than any bond Jane had built with anyone else. It hadn't been awkward to undress Maura, to kiss her inner thighs and to caress her breasts. It had simply felt right and if Jane was ever asked about it then she would sincerely say that she was more than eager to do it again.

It wasn't a one-night stand. Because it was Maura. There was necessarily a minimum of seriousness in whatever was currently happening to them. Of course, Jane couldn't help wondering whether her desires for her friend were old or if they were all new. The truth was that she couldn't tell. Not just yet. Perhaps she had been denial. Perhaps it hadn't hit her until then.

Yet that implicit seriousness was also the root of the problem.

"I'm sorry." Maura's sleepy voice took Jane out of her reverie. Maura settled back on her seat. "I must have fallen asleep."

"It's okay."

Jane turned her head in order to look at Maura. Something had changed in the way she now saw her friend. Maura had let her see a vulnerable side of her persona during the night, the most personal one as well.

It had to have an impact on Jane's perspective. A positive one.

Their bond had strengthened. Jane could feel it. She wondered if Maura saw her with new eyes as well but she didn't dare to ask anything about it. It would have been way too awkward, even more on that train. They weren't alone and the coach was very quiet. Besides, she didn't have the courage to open up about all those wonders. She wasn't good at expressing feelings. It was an exercize that she particularly disliked. It had always made her feel very awkward, and embarrassed.

She preferred to take action any time.

And it's exactly what she did. She leaned over to plant a soft kiss on Maura's lips. Without any warning.

She kept on making the first move and she couldn't help thinking how unusual it was for her. She didn't force herself though. She did it because she wanted to do it. It simply didn't match with the behavior she usually had when with a romantic partner. She had always been a bit passive, a bit uncertain.

Not anymore, not with Maura.

"How long does the train journey last?"

"Nope." Maura shook her head. She took a sip of water and held back a yawn. She felt tired but happy to be on that train with Jane. "It's a surprise. I won't tell you anything about it."

The Atlantic Ocean? Jane could have rolled her eyes – she could have teased Maura and they would have bickered – but she enjoyed their sweetness way too much to even dare to disturb it. As a matter of fact, she missed the heat of Maura's head on her shoulder. She felt cold now.

Maura must have read through her mind because she instantly went to hold Jane's hand – the one that rested on her lap – in order to squeeze it tightly.

"I just hope that – wherever we're going to – it won't rain. Though to be honest with you, it looks beautiful in the rain too. It looks beautiful all the time."

Jane didn't say anything back. Maura's statement could hardly be taken as a hint and all of a sudden Jane regretted to not have paid more attention to the geography of France when in school. The travel guide book she had with her was only for Paris. Maura had really taken her aback with their sudden departure.

"Had you planned on making this trip? Even before I decided to come with you to Paris? Was it part of your plan already or you..."

Jane didn't finish her sentence. She had a hard time assuming that Maura had been spontaneous because it didn't fit. It didn't fit at all. Yet at no moment had Maura told her about some getaway.

"A bit of both, maybe... But then my stay in Paris was supposed to be a lonely one. And I feel anything but lonely when you're standing by my side."

The confession made Jane blush slightly. Maura had spoken softly, with her usual eloquence. She fully assumed her words and their meanings. You could see it in her eyes, in the way they glimmered of delight.

"Am I being too blunt? Again?"

"What?! No!" Jane shook her head as vehemently as she could. She didn't want Maura to take her silence for a possible discomfort. "No, it's... It's sweet."

Jane wished she could put words on her feelings with the same easiness Maura showed. Yet it was probably not that easy for Maura in the end. Jane hadn't forgotten the despair in Maura's voice on the West point of the _Île Saint-Louis_ when she had opened up about her feelings. She remembered the shaking voice and the tears in those hazel eyes she loved so much.

It wasn't easy for anyone.

"I could tell you the same actually. I don't feel lonely when you're with me." It wasn't a lie. Jane felt complete when Maura was around. Maura's presence in her life brought her a lot of joy, and a lot of warmth. "You know, just because I don't say some things doesn't mean I don't live them."

Jane looked down. Her very own confession was very lame. Or at least she thought that it was lame. But if she had looked up at that exact moment, then she would have seen the joy her words had brought to Maura.

"We don't have to put words on everything. Sometimes words aren't needed."

A shy smile lit up Jane's traits. She let Maura's words sink in. Slowly, peacefully. She was about to say something back when the voice of a man on her left caused her to jump with surprise.

" _Billets, s'il vous plaît._ *"

The inspector. Jane hadn't heard him walk in the coach. She quietly watched how Maura held the tickets out to him and how they exchanged a few words in French. They had left Paris for an hour but the train hadn't stopped anywhere yet. All Jane could now see by the large windows was an endless series of fields.

The French countryside looked just as monotone as the American one.

"What did you tell him?"

Jane waited for the inspector to move to another passenger in order to talk to Maura anew. Her curiosity was piqued.

"I asked him if we would make it on time, because we've left with a ten-minute delay."

"Is it an issue?"

A mysterious smile played on Maura's lips but the sparkle in her eyes betrayed a delight that caused her to laugh lightly. She was enjoying the mystery that floated over their destination just as Jane was enjoying the serenity of their morning on the train.

"Maybe."

Jane's thumb brushed the back of Maura's hand with a discreet gentleness.

"It's okay, to be honest. I'm not in a hurry."

As a matter of fact, Jane wished nothing but time to get suspended.

...

 _*Billets, s'il vous plaît:_ **Tickets, please.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and for your messages, I really appreciate it.**

 **Chapter Eighteen**

They had made it on time. The high-speed train had arrived just as the clouds had begun to darken in the pale light of the day. They had taken a taxi to their hotel immediately and they were now observing the ballet of the waves from the large windows of their suite.

Spring tide in Saint-Malo.

"Saint-Malo is a walled port city in Brittany in northwestern France on the English Channel. The city became notorious as the home of the corsairs, French privateers and sometimes pirates..."

"Pirates?!"

The way Jane's dark eyes widened under the effect of surprise made Maura smile. They had walked into their suite fifteen minutes earlier only and their destination was still a complete mystery to Jane apart from what she had seen during their taxi ride which was a set of tiny buildings and a ribbon of gray with a few ferries on it: the English Channel.

"Pirates, yes... The corsairs of Saint-Malo not only forced English ships passing up the Channel to pay tribute, but also brought wealth from further afield. Jacques Cartier, who sailed the Saint-Lawrence River and visited the sites of Quebec City and Montreal and is thus credited as the discoverer of Canada lived in and sailed from Saint-Malo."

Jane raised a hand in order to interrupt Maura. As much as Maura's lecture satisfied Jane's curiosity, Jane didn't feel the need to know all the details about the city. Even more now that she knew the most essential part of it.

"What kind of pirates, exactly?"

The wind blew harder – suddenly – and caused Maura to pay attention to the spring tide anew. She crossed her arms against her chest and focused on the waves that came crashing loudly and violently against the walls of the city. She would never get tired of it.

"You will know everything about the pirates of Saint-Malo tomorrow. Since we're staying in the walled port city, you'll see postcards of pirates – and books about them – absolutely everywhere."

"Why can't we go now?"

As genuine as the question was, Maura burst out laughing. She then motioned the waves – high and powerful – by the window of the hotel.

"It's way too dangerous, Jane. The streets aren't cut but you'll see that some waves will come crashing against the buildings, way above the walls."

Jane didn't say anything back. She had to admit that Maura's explanation was more than fair. Besides, she could see it herself: the spring tide was impressive, almost scaring. They were staying at a four-star hotel but Jane couldn't help wondering whether the windows were strong enough to handle the wind as well as the tide.

They were facing a storm, a real one. She had the feeling to be stuck in a light house in the middle of the ocean.

"We came here because I wanted you to experience a spring tide in the walled city. I wanted you to walk through the narrow, cobblestoned streets. I wanted you to see the gray stone the buildings are made of... I wanted you to understand that France isn't just about Paris."

Maura's hand brushed Jane's lower back. Her lips planted a quiet kiss on Jane's shoulder before she passed her arm around Jane's waist in order to hold her tightly. Jane let her do.

Maura whispered into Jane's ear.

"Isn't it fascinating?"

Jane gave Maura a slow nod. They were first row to witness the violence of the elements, how the different shades of gray – the sky, the sea, the buildings – melted into each other before forming an odd entity in complete movement.

It was barely 4pm but the sky was just as dark as if it were midnight already. The flames of the fireplace of their suite got reflected in the window and contrasted with the gray light outside.

"It doesn't happen all the time, you know. What you're seeing now is an annual event, something unique. There is even a media coverage."

Maura leaned her chin on top of Jane's shoulder.

There was something almost mystical in the spring tides of Saint-Malo. Of course she could have chosen the Mont Saint-Michel instead but she preferred French Brittany to Normandy any day. Besides, the Mont was packed all year long while Saint-Malo was quieter in the fall in spite of it being a very touristic destination as well.

"But ahem... If it's dangerous to go outside, shouldn't we lock ourselves inside a bit better? I mean, the windows are exposed to the wind and to the waves."

Jane didn't want to sound scared but she felt a bit concerned nonetheless. They were really close to the top of the walls of the city. She could see the walk that people probably took every day when the tide wasn't so high on top of them.

And there was nobody there, nothing but the Channel which swell reminded her of a rather realistic Hollywood movie. A disaster movie.

"I wouldn't have taken you to Saint-Malo if it was risky. We'll do just fine if we stay inside... They are used to facing it. I made sure that we would have this suite, so you can enjoy the view like nobody else."

The pride that showed in Maura's voice caused her to blush. She couldn't help feeling proud though. And immensely happy. She was sharing a unique experience with Jane and it was exactly how she saw their vacations in France.

The moment had to be theirs, and it had to be unique.

"So we're in a pirates' city..."

"Oh god." Maura rolled her eyes. "The main point is the spring tide, Jane. Not the pirates. Besides, there aren't pirates in France anymore. This time is over."

"Who cares? They were here at some point. That's super cool."

Words had a strength that often took Maura aback. The feelings that they could stir up were intense, very intense. And it's exactly what happened as Jane spoke. Her remark caused a warmth to invade Maura. It passed underneath her skin and went deep in her bones. The bright smile that played on her lips barely echoed the power of her feelings.

"I'm glad you like it."

Maura knew that – in spite of focusing on pirates – Jane understood the importance of the moment and she lived it too. Jane simply didn't dare to say it openly. She wasn't good at expressing herself.

With the same quietness and the same gentleness as the ones that she had showed in the morning when Jane had woken up, Maura walked behind Jane. She settled in her back and passed both arms around Jane's waist. She was dying for the touch, for the heat of Jane's body against hers.

Jane didn't say a word. She didn't need to. Her thumb caressing the back of Maura's hand – just as she had done on the train – resulted enough for Maura to enjoy the comfort of their quiet embrace.

 _This is our moment. We both want it and we're both aware of it. I won't forget the other moments, Jane, but I want to remember this one as the first one that symbolizes the serenity I feel when I'm in your arms. There's a storm outside but the suite is quiet. We're inside, and at peace. We can face the force of the elements and we aren't scared of it. This is how I define us, how I see us._

 _I want to remain in the time being. From now on I'm going to put aside Boston and Quantico, all these little details that don't deserve a second here. Alea jacta est. We'll see._

 _I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy. I'm with you and you're being sweet to me. You know how I feel about you – more or less, even if I haven't said the exact words out loud yet – and I know that you don't see me just as a friend. I don't care about the rest. The rest can wait. I just want to enjoy the moment and feed myself of this smile that lights up your face. I've made you happy. You're happy to be here with me. Perhaps I shouldn't admit it but you have no idea how proud it makes me feel._

 _I've succeeded. Whenever I see this sparkle in your eyes, I know I've succeeded. And there's nothing more satisfying. You have no idea how alive I feel when it happens. Everything suddenly makes sense: I'm here for a reason and this reason is you. It's you, Jane. It's always been you. You._

"So... Besides these awesome pirates, what else are we supposed to see here? What's Saint-Malo famous for?"

Jane was teasing her. Maura knew it and the truth was that she really enjoyed it. It felt good to see that some things hadn't changed, that their bond was still the same. It was the proof for her that what she and Jane were living was meant to be. It comforted the idea she had had, her sweet fantasies.

"Oh, many things actually! The Solidor Tower, for instance. It's a 14th-century building that holds a collection tracing the history of voyages around Cape Horn and it's by the sea. The Privateer's House... It's a ship-owner's townhouse built in 1725 that shows objects from the history of privateering, weaponry and ship models..."

"Say no more, Maura: I need to visit this house. We can't leave without visiting this house." Jane turned around. She didn't break the embrace, she simply made sure that she would be able to pass her arms around Maura's waist the same way Maura was holding her instead. "But before..."

Maura frowned. A genuine and sweet confusion darkened her traits. She wrinkled her nose and tilted her head as she tried to understand Jane's imminent thoughts.

"I've told you that we cannot go outside now. It's way too dangerous."

Jane leaned over and only stopped when her lips brushed Maura's. Her desires were clear now, very clear.

"Good. Because it's not what I had in mind."

 _You're being bold now. Do you even realize what a turn-on it is? I love it. Please don't stop, Jane. Don't ever stop it. Be in command, be mischievous. Be alive. Be mine._


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews, I'm happy to see that you're enjoying their few days outside of Paris. I can't post any links in the chapters so if you want more info about the different places I talk about then feel free to message me.**

 **Chapter Nineteen**

"Jane?!"

Maura stopped. She squinted her eyes and listened to the echo of her voice as it floated in the distance, as far as the wind could carry it. Nobody answered her. She turned around in order to observe the empty beach carefully. In vain. Jane was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is she...?"

If the English Channel had crashed against the walls of Saint-Malo the day before, the new morning had taken it far away leaving the beaches of the city to an immensity of sand and seaweed. The gray clouds had disappeared, swept away by a pure blueness that blinded Maura as she looked for Jane.

Maura took a deep breath and smiled: she loved the smell that spring tides left behind them. She found it unique and rather bewitching.

"Jane?!"

They had had breakfast in bed – in each other's arms – before heading to the beach for the ribbon of damp sand that they could see by the windows of their suite was terribly appealing. Thus Jane had almost run to the _Plage du Sillon_ followed by a merry Maura who couldn't stop feeding herself with the innocence of the sparkle in Jane's dark eyes. Her joy.

Their happiness was genuine and it felt comforting after the doubts they both had had in Paris. Of course their future was still blurry – it was too early to talk about it anyway – but for the first time since Maura had kissed Jane on the _Île Saint-Louis_ , they both managed to focus on the time being at the same time.

Their synchronization was perfect and well needed.

"I'm there!"

A very tiny hand appeared on Maura's left. It wasn't tiny but the distance was such that it gave Maura that feeling. Jane was hidden by rocks a few feet away from her.

Somewhat reassured, Maura sank her hands in the pockets of her jeans and walked towards that tiny hand that she knew was Jane's.

She knew that hand by heart, the lines on the palm and the depths of the scar on it. That scar Jane didn't want to talk about. She knew its heat and how good it felt against her skin. She knew everything about it and she was dying to hold it again as tightly as she could.

"What are you doing?"

Maura climbed on top of a rock and looked behind it. Jane had leaned over something but her back prevented Maura from seeing whatever Jane was observing.

"I'm trying to catch razor clams." Jane moved on her right for Maura to see the little hole left in the sand by the clam. "See? There are plenty of them. Grandpa Rizzoli was a great razor clam catcher."

The sky was blue but the wind was chilly and Maura couldn't help smiling the moment Jane looked at her with those big red cheeks. Her hair was a mess but she looked happy. So happy.

"Please, be careful. Don't cut yourself. Besides, what do you want to do with these clams? We're not on a fish trip, Jane. I thought you wanted to see the National Fort." Maura motioned a castle a bit farther down the beach. "It's there."

The semblance of tribute to Jane's grandfather was sweet but Maura was worried. Razor clams had the word 'razor' in their name for a reason.

With the same fluidity as Maura, Jane climbed on top of the rock anew but she didn't stop there at all.

She grabbed Maura's hand then dragged Maura towards the sea. Maura burst out laughing. She hadn't expected it. She liked the spontaneity of their morning though. It made her feel alive and light. Even in Boston they never were so light.

Maura wanted to believe that it was because of what had happened in Paris, because they were closer now. Because they weren't just friends anymore.

Because their togetherness was meant to be.

"You're going in the wrong direction again!" Maura's hoarse laugh rose in the quietness of the beach. Her remark didn't have to be taken seriously. She simply wanted to tease Jane. She was in a playful mood. "Where are we going to? Jane!"

Jane suddenly stopped. She grabbed Maura by the waist, made a step backwards and lost her balance. They both fell then rolled on the sand. Their laughter hit the air with a barely hidden mischievousness.

Maura had sand in her hair but she couldn't care less. Her jeans would be a bit damp but it was a detail and nothing but a detail. She was in Jane's arms – in public – and nothing else mattered in the end. She cuddled against Jane before smiling brightly at the cam. Jane had her cell phone in hand and she wanted to take a picture of the two of them.

"This is how I want to remember us." Jane sat up after she took the picture. She looked at it on the screen of her cell phone but the smile that had lit up her traits suddenly faded away. "With messy hair and red cheeks. And you makeup free. That's us. That's my memory of us."

"I often go makeup free."

Jane raised an amused eyebrow. She looked at Maura before smirking. If she hadn't expected such remark, she also knew how untrue it was.

"You're gonna get hives, Maura."

Maura scoffed. Loudly. Dramatically. Nothing could ruin the joy that she felt that morning. Absolutely nothing. She was playful and she completely assumed it.

"I don't wear makeup all the time."

She slightly leaned over to look at the picture that Jane had just taken. Their happiness hit her without any warning, just like the degree of intimacy betrayed by their smile. A new degree of intimacy. It was obvious that they were more than friends. Their look on the picture spoke for them. There was something in their eyes, something in the way they stood in each other's arms.

The words brushed Maura's lips before she had a chance to hold them back. She already knew the answer deep inside because in spite of talking to the present time, Jane had actually mentioned the past.

"Are you going to post it on Facebook?"

Maura's question was anything but innocent. She and Jane knew what she meant because what echoed in that picture was obvious. Jane remained silent for long seconds. She finally shrugged then cleared her voice in order to whisper an answer that lacked self-confidence.

"I don't have signal now."

It wasn't a lie. Perhaps it had to do with the spring tide. Neither she nor Maura had signal on their phone at the moment.

Maura nodded. She swallowed hard and quietly swept away the bitterness that lay behind Jane's answer. It didn't have to be an issue. Maura couldn't let it be an issue. If Jane didn't want to show her friends – colleagues – and relatives that she and Maura had reached a new stage in their relationship then Maura had to respect it.

She couldn't force Jane into anything.

 _At least you aren't running away from me. You're holding me into your arms, you're making love to me. You're kissing me. You're proving me that you care for me. Perhaps some people would say that it isn't enough but it's actually a lot more than what I would have imagined._

 _I don't want to rush into things. The lack of transition between the moment we ceased to be friends and the moment we became lovers is delicate enough to handle. I know that I need to be careful, and patient. Just as I know that I cannot ask too much. It's okay. It really is, Jane. It's okay because everything doesn't have to be defined so early on. Everything doesn't have to be said out loud._

 _I just hope that you don't feel ashamed and that you will be able to assume it not only in front of strangers but also in front of people you know. In front of our friends, our relatives. If only..._

"Come on, let's go walk by the sea."

Maura broke the silence in order to escape from her thoughts. She wouldn't let bitterness win. Not now, not in Saint-Malo. She stood up and held out her hand to Jane but Jane seemed to hesitate.

"You're not going to throw me into the water, right? 'Cause I'm not wearing rain boots... Unlike you."

If Maura wore jeans, her attire was very fashionable nonetheless. She had put on a pair of yellow boots that matched her yellow oilskin. She had zipped the coat up but a tiny bit of her blue navy strip sweater showed through it.

She certainly knew how to dress appropriately.

"The water must be icy. I would never do this to you, Jane." Her answer didn't seem to reassure Jane at all so she winked and burst out laughing. "I swear that I won't do this to you!"

She only wanted to hold Jane's hand and plant kisses in the crook of her neck every five minutes. She wanted to feel warm and desired in her embrace. She wanted to close her eyes – there, by the sea – and let the wind brush her face while she would feed herself of Jane's body heat.

She wouldn't take a picture of that moment but she would make sure to keep it in mind for the rest of her life. It would pass underneath her skin before rushing through her veins in order to reach her warm heart.

Then life would be eternally sweet.

 _I love you, Jane. Do you love me too? No, wait. Don't answer. Don't tell me anything. I don't want to know about your feelings. I'm enjoying way too much what we're having now to feel like darkening it with what-ifs._

"You can't make it to the fort all wet anyway. It wouldn't be appropriate at all." Maura passed an arm under Jane's as they resumed their walking. A few people were walking in the distance too enjoying the extremely low tide that would disappear in the afternoon. "Do you think it would be? I don't think so." Maura brought their intertwined hand to her lips. Her kiss sounded loud. "I don't think so at all."


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages, I promise you a very happy ending. Don't be worried. I also need to answer your messages... I'm sorry I've been busy. I am not home right now actually so it makes it hard to spend time here. I'll be back home on Wednesday though.**

 **Chapter Twenty**

Maura cast a glance at Léopoldine. Her aunt was casually - and quietly - preparing a set of foie gras but what really caught Maura's attention turned out to be that little smile that had appeared at the corner of her lips: Léopoldine was happy and she didn't hide it.

Her usual serenity was glowing in the evening. Léopoldine was always happy to be there, in the moment. For years Maura had tried to embrace the same mood and it had worked. To an extent.

"It's just the beginning though."

The remark made Léopoldine roll her eyes playfully. She was in a very good mood and nothing could apparently change that.

"You used to be a lot less pessimistic, Maura. The joy of being eighteen again." Léopoldine picked up the plate with the foie gras on it and she set it on a tray. The slices of bread were ready as well. "Enjoy what you're having! Carpe diem, Maura!"

Maura did. She did enjoy what she and Jane were having. Their getaway to Saint-Malo had been sweet and they had come back to Paris with a thousand unforgettable memories. Going to French Brittany had been an excellent idea as it had provided them the peace and quietness that they both needed.

"There's a difference between being pessimistic and not wanting to rush into things, you know. It's just..." Something brushed Maura's ankle. She looked down at the culprit: it was Picasso, one of Léopoldine's cats. "Being optimistic means thinking about the future and that's something neither Jane nor I can do right now."

Maura took the cat in her arms. She caressed its fur and the cat began to purr. Perhaps she should get a cat when she would be back to Boston. The purring was really soothing.

"Picasso usually hates it when someone takes him in their arms. You're the exception."

Both women were standing in the kitchen. Alone. Jane was on the first floor of the house admiring Léopoldine's work.

The evening carried a very important symbol for Maura: it was the first time since she had argued with her aunt that she accepted to come back to the _Montsouris_ house for dinner. She still could feel the scars that their argument had left on her heart but she was nonetheless relieved to see that she slowly managed to go towards something a lot friendlier with Léopoldine. She had missed their bond terribly.

"Hmm."

"You can't think about the future because she's going to Quantico?" Léopoldine shrugged. Her gesture betrayed the lack of importance she gave to her rhetorical question. "Why don't you move there with her?"

"She hasn't asked me to come with her."

Maura focused on Léopoldine's traits, on the mere reaction her aunt may show. But the artist barely remained quiet for an extra-second. She didn't look concerned at all.

"That's because she doesn't dare to ask, Maura. It's not really complicated... How come you can make the dead talk but you're unable to read through Jane?"

"It's a lot easier to understand the dead. It's nothing but a scientific process. There is not a single feeling involved when you practice an autopsy. You need to cut yourself from any feeling, actually. If you don't do that..." Maura shook her head. She picked up the bottle of wine before following Léopoldine into the living-room. Picasso was back on the floor The cat followed Maura haily.. "If you don't do that then you won't be able to do this job."

That was true and perhaps it was even the reason why Maura had chosen to become a medical examiner. Of course, she cared about the dead and wanted nothing but to ease the pain linked to their deaths but the moment she held a scalpel in her hand then she ceased to think about all this. Her emotions shut down by then and she focused on the medical aspect of her task only.

"Jane?"

Maura called Jane softly. She had told Léopoldine about her and Jane as soon as she had walked into the kitchen because it was only fair. Léopoldine had seen Maura in tears after the fiasco of the kiss on the _Île Saint-Louis_. She deserved to know what had happened once Maura had headed back to the _Lutétia_ after a sleepless night at the _Montsouris_ townhouse.

"Yeah I'm coming!"

Jane rushed downstairs. Her steps sounded loudly and for a few seconds Maura felt like she was home. Except things had got immensely better. Her bitter fantasies had come true and ithey had turned into was the sweetest thing that she had ever lived.

Maura motioned the tray that Léopoldine had set down on the coffee table as soon as Jane walked in the room..

"Foie gras and wine."

Jane's dark eyes disappeared behind a curtain of eyelashes as she came closer to the table and leaned over in order to look at the plate. She gave her assistance a very slow nod.

"That's the liver thing?"

"Oh god." Maura rolled her eyes. She wasn't annoyed by Jane's question – as a matter of fact, she was entertained by it – but she wanted to play her role nonetheless. Because it was how it worked between the two of them, because it was how they liked things to be. "It's foie gras. Foie. Gras."

Léopoldine laughed lightly.

"I must admit that your banter is entertaining. My sister was right on this point..." Léopoldine sat down and invited Jane and Maura to sit down as well. "Is it the first time that you're served foie gras, Jane?"

Jane shook her head.

"No... Maura makes sure I have my annual slice of foie gras on Christmas day. Organic foie gras, of course."

The sarcasm in her remark didn't pass unnoticed and caused Maura to scoff lightly. Her ego wasn't bruised but it wasn't intact either. She had to make things clear, because foie gras was a big deal for her.

"I only make sure that you get the best one, Jane. And that the regulations are strictly followed. I refuse to buy a foie gras from a farm that wouldn't respect the current regulations."

Léopoldine looked at Maura and frowned with perplexity.

"You can make and buy foie gras in the USA?!"

Jane held back a laugh. Touché. Maura made a vague gesture of the hand in order to sweep away her aunt's question. Léopoldine had raised a good point, except said point bothered Maura a bit.

Because it wasn't legal indeed.

"I may be on a secret VIP list. Only a dozen of people in the country have Marc's address. He lives in Maine..." Maura cleared her voice. She felt a tad embarrassed by the semi-legality of her foie gras purchase. "Jane loves it though."

 _I could tell you about the first time she had some. As a matter of fact, I could tell you every single day I got to share with her, Léopoldine. Because every day has been a blessing. There has been ups and downs but even these obstacles didn't manage to separate us. Our bond got strengthened instead. It has to mean something, doesn't it?_

"I'm not a big fan of the making process but... Yeah, I gotta admit it's pretty good." Jane took the glass of wine that Léopoldine held out to her. "Maura's always trying to make me become the next francophile of the BPD."

"And does she succeed?"

Jane pouted. Playfully. She cast a glance at Maura then focused back on Léopoldine. But the randomness of her gesture vanished the moment she went to hold Maura's hand. She wasn't showing boldness but self-confidence.

In front of a relative.

The storm of feelings that her gesture stirred up in the depths of Maura's heart sounded loudly and caused Maura's cheeks to turn pink.

"I guess we can say she's trying hard and it's not always vain."

 _We came back to the hotel and you kissed me with such freedom that I still can feel the touch of your lips on mine. You held my hand when we walked out on the streets. You sat down next to me in the taxi, so close to me that I could feel the heat of your thigh against mine._

 _And you're doing it again now. In front of my aunt._

 _You don't know it but your gestures of affection bring me hope and a warmth I hadn't felt in a while. You make me feel alive, Jane. And proud, ridiculously proud._

 _My doubts vanish whenever you hold my hand or kiss me in public. Please tell me that it's the right thing to do, Jane. Please tell me that I don't have to have any doubt, that I can trust you. Please. You have no idea how I want to believe it._

 _To believe in us._

 _Please._

"Excellent!" Léopoldine focused back on Maura after giving a wink at Jane. "So what's your next evil plan, Maura? Are you going to try to turn Jane into a real Parisian, this week?"

"There are many places left to visit here." Maura smiled at Jane. She didn't feel embarrassed at all by the fact Jane was holding her hand but it was intimidating nonetheless. "So many places... The right bank, of course. Famous "

And so little time.

 _We'll use in Paris the same pace as the one we succumbed to when in Saint-Malo. Let's not think about our flight tickets, Jane. Let's focus on what Paris has to offer us instead. Its streets, its parks, its light. Its buildings. Its cafés. We are lucky enough to be in one of the most wonderful cities in the world._

 _Let's take advantage of it._

 _And then we'll see. It's too early anyway. Making plans would be stupid. It's barely ben what? A week? What's a week in a life? Nothing. It's absolutely nothing. And I refuse to reduce us to a mere nothing._


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews, I'm touched to see that you're reacted so well to the fic (sometimes to the point of thinking about an extra-scene). I'm sorry for the ones who are bored. It's been so-so yesterday because I was/am sick so I don't feel 100% yet.**

 **Chapter Twenty-One**

It wasn't a shock but a realization, the kind of realizations that you never want to have. It had happened just as they had reached the top of the stairs in front of the _Sacré Coeur_. Ready to admire the view of Paris that spread below, Jane hadn't seen it come at all. She had been focused on the idea of spending another beautiful day with Maura, a day that nothing nor nobody could ever reach but them. She had been wrong.

Maura's cell phone had rung: it was the morgue, she had to take the call.

Under other circumstances, Jane would have found it completely random but the context was different in Paris. The phone call had burst her bubble, her and Maura's bubble. And the truth was that she had a hard time dealing with it now.

She had put Boston aside the moment she had waited for Maura in front of the _Opéra Garnier_. As a matter of fact, she had forgotten about America and every single person linked to it. What could be defined as her daily life had vanished in the air within a few seconds. Way too easily.

Then she and Maura had begun to build their very own world. It was a beautiful one, very sweet. Full of smiles and discoveries. Disconnected from reality.

But it wasn't as strong as Jane had thought it to be because a mere phone call had been enough to make it collapse like a house of cards. There, in the heart of Montmartre. On the highest point of Paris.

It had nothing to do with jealousy. Jane wasn't jealous of Maura because someone had called Maura and nobody had tried to reach her. The fact the morgue called Maura was fair since she was the chief medical examiner. But it didn't fit. It didn't fit the world Jane had lost herself into these past few days. The conclusion was harsh but Boston didn't have its place in her life anymore. Not like that. She and Maura had reached a brand new level of intimacy in a place that had nothing to do with America. So it was hard now - if not just impossible - to link her old life to what shee was currently living.

Of course, she could have simply tried to cope with it one way or another but her genuine reaction had caused her to wonder if it meant that she and Maura weren't made for the real world. For what they called their daily life.

Paris wasn't part of it, nor was Saint-Malo and even less the roof of the opera house. Reality was a lot more abrupt. Almost brutal. It was made of Boston and of Quantico. Of new jobs and of new paths that they were supposed to take alone. There wasn't room for any relationship at all if neither of them made changes soon.

And it was the word 'soon' that scared Jane the most. She and Maura were running against time. The world seemed to have stopped turning in France and everything was beautiful. But one day they would head to the airport anew and they would leave Paris behind.

It was ridiculous. She should have thought about it earlier on. The fact it hadn't crossed her mind scared her quite a bit.

"Is everything okay?"

She couldn't let her doubts show though and she gave Maura a smile as soon as Maura put an end to her phone call. The call had lasted ten minutes. Barely ten minutes.

Maura nodded but the pout on her lips betrayed a so-so feeling.

"They have landed a big case..."

Jane swallowed hard. She didn't want to think about the worst yet it was the only thing that she had in mind right now. She let the words come out nontheless, because she had to.

"Do you need to go back to Boston?"

It would be a disaster for them because they needed time. They absolutely needed the parenthesis that Paris offered them in order to understand what was going on and in order to take the right decisions when the countdown would be over.

"Oh no! Kent is doing a great job but..." Maura made a step on her left to make some room for a family of tourists. The stairs of the _Sacré Coeur_ were packed. As usual. It was a must-see in Paris."But... I haven't quit and I'm still the chief medical examiner so I may need to adapt my schedule here."

Alright.

Jane could do with that kind of scenario. It wasn't as bad as it could be. Perhaps it was even something that would do them good in the long run. Now Paris ceased to be disconnected to their daily life and they may be able to work on their relationship better from now on.

Because Jane didn't want to give up now. That was the truth, her truth. She didn't want to put an end to something that honestly made her happy. She still had to figure out a couple of things about herself but – all in all – she deeply enjoyed what she and Maura had developed together. It was new but it felt right. It even brought her a balance that nothing else had ever managed to bring her until now.

"Do you want to go back to the hotel? I assume you've already received the case through an email..."

"No, thank you. I will check it tonight. It's okay. They just want my opinion on something that is a tad... Unusual... For an autopsy."

Jane frowned. Her curiosity was piqued but – at the same time – she didn't feel like talking about the morgue nor about any case. She was on vacation and it hadn't happened in a while. Thus she wanted to focus on nothing but that.

"That bad?!"

She was polite though.

"Bad isn't the proper adjective I would use... Let's simply say that it's different. Exceptional." Maura turned anew towards the view. She took a deep breath and smiled brightly. "Anyway... We're in Montmartre and all I want to think about right now is Montmartre."

Jane welcomed Maura's statement with a discreet relief. She was really glad to see that Maura wasn't ready to put their day aside just to spend the afternoon studying a new case.

"Okay." Jane nodded. She brought her hands to her hips before squinting her eyes. "So... Where is Amelie?"*

...

Maura stared at the screen of her computer for long seconds. She didn't want to open the message because she knew that – the moment she would do it – something would be gone forever. And she wasn't ready for it.

Jane had remained very quiet but Maura hadn't missed the impact of the morgue's phone call on Jane. Her traits had got darker, and deeper. It wasn't Maura's instinct that had led her to such conclusion but the simple fact that she actually felt the same.

She didn't want to renew with Boston. She loved her job. It wasn't the issue at all. It was just that Boston was linked to Quantico and that was something that she didn't want to think about. She didn't know if she had what it took to handle it one day. That was the blatant truth.

Carpe diem.

Léopoldine's wise and cheerful words sounded loudly in Maura's head but it wasn't her fault if reality had decided to take a different turn. It was nobody's fault. It was nothing but life happening. And blaming life was ridiculous.

 _We can only adapt to life, not the other way around._

 _We knew that it had to happen eventually. We knew it, Jane. We did our best to ignore it but it was only a matter of time. It simply happened earlier than what we had imagined, earlier than what we had hoped._

 _Maybe that's where we got it wrong. We shouldn't have ignored it._

Is it going to change something? Is it going to have an impact on the pace of our days? I wish I could give you a proper answer but I can't because this isn't something I have control over. Of course I hope that it won't have an impact or that – if it does – then the impact will be a positive one. But it's only a hopeful thought and nothing else.

 _It's not an affirmation at all._

A challenge. Maura wanted to see it as a challenge. If they managed to insert a bit of their American life in their Parisian romance then it meant that – perhaps – what they were living wasn't a mere fling.

It didn't change anything about Quantico though. Nothing at all.

 _I think that we have the strength it takes. We've been through a lot of things together, Jane. And I honestly think that if we've always overcome whatever situation we had to deal with then it was because we were together._

 _We've been a couple for a long time. That's the harsh truth. We simply didn't sleep together until last week. The nuance is almost invisible. We've dated without realizing it. We've been an item since the very beginning. Our friendship has always been symbiotic._

 _We've subconsciously given up on any romantic life because we had each other, and because it was enough for us. This is very telling. As a matter of fact, it couldn't be more meaningful._

 _Life is full of surprises. We don't know what tomorrow is made of. But there's one thing we're sure of: I belong to you just as you belong to me. Neither of us can deny it._

Maura clicked on the email. She cast a glance at the bathroom door that Jane had left open ajar as she was taking a bath. Their suite was quiet and the sweet moments they had shared in Montmartre today still warmed up their respective hearts.

Everything was perfect.

Back to the laptop screen. Maura focused on the message that Kent had sent her and – within a few seconds – she became the chief medical examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts again.

...

 _"Amelie" in reference to the movie of the same name, "Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain" in French. Amelie lives and works in Montmartre. It's a sweet movie. I recommend it if you haven't watched it._


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and the well wishes messages. I'm feeling a tad better now and I will be back home tonight. And I'm glad to see many of you already know "Amelie".**

 **Chapter Twenty-Two**

The bed sheet felt cool against Maura's legs. She would need the usual few seconds to warm up the bed, to make it reach a pleasant temperature. Then she would be able to relax and everything would go just fine. Random gesture, comforting routine.

She rolled on her side in order to face Jane who had already laid down in bed. The night was quiet, even the traffic down on the boulevard had ceased. It was late. They had come back to the _Lutétia_ after dinner in _Belleville_ , a rather popular but trendy area of Paris. On the right bank. Just another peaceful day in the City of Lights. Without any phone call, this time.

Boston hadn't interrupted their glorious plans.

"Are you tired?"

Maura's hoarse voice betrayed her very own fatigue. She had worked on that case until late in the night the night before and she hadn't slept well afterwards. She needed a full night sleep. Playing the tourist with Jane while working somehow for the morgue at the same time was exhausting. She had to slow down, to find back a regular pace.

She had to find the right balance between both worlds.

Jane gave her a slow nod but she didn't say a word. She brought her hand to Maura's cheek instead and began to caress it with a lot of care. Her fingers slid along Maura's skin before following the shape of her neck. Maura smiled: the gesture was soothing. Soft.

Except Jane didn't stop there. Her hand went down anew, towards Maura's left breast. Towards the heart that was beating loudly there. Jane barely brushed Maura's skin with her fingertips. Her eyes stared at her own gesture.

It was a gesture deprived of double-entendre. Its innocence carried a strength that quietly broke the silence of the suite.

It was symbolical. Very symbolical.

Jane was going for Maura's heart and nothing else. She didn't want to make love, or at least not just yet. Of course, the frequency of their intimate moments was typical of the one new couples had but tonight she wanted to slow down and think about something else. Something deeper that lay within herself.

The palm of her hand pressed against Maura's chest. She could feel Maura's heart beat at a regular pace. Peacefully. Strongly. There, underneath the skin, behind the ribcage.

Maura's heart.

"I love you."

The words hit the air with a beautiful sweetness. They passed Jane's lips quietly as she looked up at Maura anew. It wasn't calculated. She hadn't planned on saying it. As a matter of fact, she hadn't come to such realization before. Or at least not clearly.

Her own confession took her aback but she completely assumed it nonetheless. She didn't want to go backwards. She hadn't lied anyway: she meant what she had just said. It had simply not crossed her mind until now. It had remained blurry, and uncertain.

The smile that played on Maura's lips would be an unforgettable one to Jane. She knew it.

Because Maura loved her as well.

...

Maura felt at home underground wandering through a labyrinth of darkness and bones. She and Jane had left behind the light of the day ten minutes earlier for the quietness of a parallel world. A very peculiar one.

The catacombs of Paris.

"The catacombs – undergound ossuaries – hold the remains of over six million people in a small part of the ancient Mines of Paris tunnel network. Located south of the former city gate – _Barrière de l'Enfer_ or Gate of Hell in English – it was founded when city officials were faced with two simultaneous problems: a series of cave-ins starting in 1774 and overflowing cemeteries. Nightly processions of bones from 1786 to 1788 transferred remains from cemeteries to the reinforced tunnels and more remains were added in later years..."

The catacombs weren't spooky. They had nothing to do with some Disneyworld ride. It was actually a place dedicated to silence and respect. Or at least in theory. Sadly the amount of tourists who visited the singular place each day often saw it differently. It bothered Maura a lot – even more when she learned that some tourists happened to steal the bones – but she absolutely wanted to show the Catacombs to Jane because she knew that Jane would find it fascinating.

And because she wanted Jane to see and live something that she - Maura - liked a lot. A bit like Saint-Malo. Maura had wanted to share something special with Jane in order to build a moment, to make memories together. Just in case.

A large part of the ossuaries was in the dark and the eyes needed some time to adapt to the lack of light. At first you didn't even notice the bones for they formed like a second wall against the stoned walls of the mine tunnel. Then they appeared to you with the impressive silence that only cemeteries can bring.

"The catacombs in their first years were a disorganised bone repository but Louis-Etienne Héricart de Thury, head of the Paris Mines Inspection Service, undertook renovations that would transform the undergound caverns into a visitable mausoleum. In addition to directing the stacking of skulls and femurs into the patterns seen in the catacombs today, he used the cemetery decorations he could find to complement the walls of bones."

Walls of bones.

Jane gave Maura a slow nod. It was exactly what it was: an endless wall of bones. A strange, singular place to say the least.

Of course, Maura knew the history of the Catacombs by heart. She even owned a multitude of books on the matter. Jane had already leafed through some. But what Jane didn't know was the reason why Maura liked that place so much in spite of the line of tourists that always waited outside to get in.

Maura didn't like the place for medical reasons but because it was the best reflection of her life that she had found until now. A dark labyrinth among the dead: it was exactly how she saw her existence. Except the loneliness she usually felt when she visited the underground mausoleum of Paris had disappeared now.

Because Jane was standing next to her.

And it was completely different.

Jane had told her that she loved her, that she was in love with her. The confession had been just as unexpected as it had been immensely relieving. Of course, Maura had immediately embraced Jane's feelings with an abandon that she had never showed before then she had murmured against Jane's lips – just as she was going to kiss her – that she loved her too.

They hadn't made love after their mutual statement. They had remained in each other's arms instead then they had fallen asleep happy and hopeful.

 _It is going way too well for us to ruin it. We can't pretend that this is just a fling, because we both know it isn't. I know you, Jane. And I know that the words you told me last night aren't words that you easily throw around. You respect their meaning, and that's why it takes you a lot to actually assume them._

 _You love me. You're in love with me._

 _I didn't force you into any of this. Just as I wanted to, I gave you time and I didn't pressure you. I never said that I expected anything from you. I took what you gave me – which is already a lot more than what I would have dared to imagine – then you came to your conclusions on your own. At your own pace._

 _You love me._

"I don't want you to go to Quantico. I don't want you to leave me in Boston, alone. I don't want any of this. I don't want you to go away from me. Stay in Boston, or ask me to come with you. I would follow you anywhere. Absolutely anywhere. Don't do this to me, Jane. Please. Don't do this to me. I can't handle it. I don't want to. We don't abandon people we love. We don't do this."

The semi-darkness of the tunnel hid Maura's cheek that had turned into a bright pink as her boldness had completely overwhelmed her.

She really wasn't good at communication or else she would have chosen another place to say all this. They were stuck in a long tunnel, among a crowd of tourists.

Besides, she hadn't talked about Quantico until now. She had simply lost herself into an explanation over the history of the Catacombs.

Her remark came out of the blue.

Yet the sincerity that showed in her voice spoke for her. She didn't need to add anything. Her hazel eyes looked for Jane's dark ones in the semi-darkness. They had stopped by an old chapel and candles were burning in the distance. The shadows of the flames seemed to dance a dark ballet against the walls of the mine. The place looked gloomy, almost creepy.

Absolutely not made for the words that had just passed Maura's lips.

 _I had to say it. Now that we are lovers and that you have said that you love me, I couldn't keep it for myself. I couldn't do this anymore. It wouldn't have been fair._

 _However, I had assumed that it would bring me relief. That relief I need so much._

 _I was wrong. I have just said the words and nothing has happened. I still feel the bitterness of your decision to accept this job weigh on my shoulders, tighten a nasty grip on my heart. Nothing has changed. I still feel blue and desperate. Disarmed._

 _What am I going to do without you, Jane?_

 _What am I going to do?_


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews, suggestions and hopes over this story. The story isn't over yet (I don't know how many chapters are left to publish and write) so... Anything still can happen to Jane and Maura! (anything good, of course)**

 **Chapter Twenty-Three**

"Excuse me."

A foreign voice caused Jane to jump with surprise. She turned her head on the left – where the sound had come from – and stared at a visitor in the dark. She mumbled inaudible apologies before making room for the person to walk past her and Maura.

Maura.

Jane couldn't see her very well because of the lack of light in the tunnel of the ancient mine but she could feel her despair nonetheless. Maura's hazel eyes were shining as well. Jane swallowed hard. It must have been the tears, tears of distress in Maura's eyes.

Distress.

Jane frowned. She could already feel the icy grip of panic on her heart. It had just passed underneath her skin and had made her freeze. The world had stopped on turning. Or at least her world. Everything, actually. Everything had stopped making sense. Life had ceased to be.

"I..." Jane ran a hand through her hair. She hadn't seen it come at all. Not there. Not in the middle of a tunnel that only had one exit and that exit was fifteen minutes away from her. It oddly reminded her of that stolen kiss on the west point of the _Île Saint-Louis_. She hadn't seen it come either. "I mean..."

Except she didn't mean anything, because she didn't have any satisfying answer to give. She needed time and light, and fresh air. The semi-darkness of the Catacombs brought her the exact opposite. She took a deep breath but the dampness of the place stuck to her lungs. She didn't suffer from claustrophobia but the walls of bones suddenly seemed to be way too close to her.

She needed space. She needed to get out of there.

"Never mind."

Maura turned around and resumed her walking through the long tunnel. Her pace changed though and she began to walk a lot faster. By the time Jane reacted anew, Maura had already disappeared among the crowd of tourists.

It wasn't Jane who had run away this time but Maura. The bitter parallel between both scenes caused Jane to smirk. They couldn't keep on running away from each other. That wouldn't lead them anywhere.

They had to take action, and to assume everything. They were adults. They knew what they were doing. Trying to escape inevitable feelings was nothing but a waste of time and energy. Besides, Jane was tired of that game. She didn't want to run anymore.

Neither to Quantico nor to Boston.

She wanted to stop. She needed it. She had run behind something all her life and it was now time to see things differently because all that running hadn't brought her any satisfaction.

"Shit."

Jane started walking. She couldn't catch back Maura but hopefully Maura would be waiting for her by the exit. There was only one path anyway. Maura simply couldn't disappear. She hadn't left running. She was simply walking at a fast pace.

She didn't have to vanish in the streets of Paris. Not again.

Jane tried to walk past a dozen of tourists but the tunnel was too tight and she had to wait for her turn with the patience that she had never had. The Catacombs were packed. Bad timing.

She finally managed to read a sign that said 'Exit' after an endless walk in the dark. She climbed the stairs – over two hundred steps all in all – and winced as the light of the day suddenly pierced through the darkness of the underground world.

" _Bonne journée, madame_."*

Disarmed and disoriented, Jane vaguely gave the guard a nod before walking outside the small exit that led to a small street. She looked on her right: the street was empty. She looked on her left: Maura wasn't there either.

Just as she was beginning to think that Maura had run away, Jane heard a well-known voice. It came from the small boutique opposite the street. She would have recognized that voice anywhere. It belonged to her life, to her memories. To her smiles. Except that voice carried all the sadness of the world now.

"I'm here."

...

" _Merci..._ "* Jane gave the waiter a timid smile as he brought her an espresso. Or at least it was supposed to be an espresso. It looked more like a miniature coffee to her. Even the cup was a doll-size one. She cleared her voice and consciously avoided Maura's eyes. "I liked the Catacombs a lot. Thank you for taking me there. It was... Ahem... A... Unique experience."

They had walked until the first cafe that they had found after meeting back at the exit of the underground mausoleum. Neither of them had talked during that short walk. Timidity and embarrassment floated above their respective heads. An invisible pressure weighed on their shoulders as well.

The imminence of a necessary talk made them feel nervous, and almost resigned.

The situation was delicate to handle. Neither of them wanted to hurt the other yet they both knew the power words could have. Words could hurt a lot more than a thousand blows.

"I'm glad you did." Maura picked up the small sugar cube and began to play with it. Her unusual gesture highlighted an extreme nervousness. Then she sighed. Heavily. Too heavily. Quickly. "Please forget what I said. It was incredibly childish, disproportionate and... And selfish. Immensely selfish."

"No."

Maura looked up, taken aback by Jane's very short but clear answer. She opened her mouth to speak but the words had a hard time hitting the air. She was stuttering. Jane's monosyllabic answer had betrayed a strong will. It was almost - if she dared to say it - intimidating.

"I... I beg your pardon?!"

"It was neither selfish nor childish and even less disproportionate. It came out of the blue but it was fair."

Maura had rarely seen Jane so serious. Her traits were deep and her eyes dark. Her level of concentration was intense. She wasn't here to make jokes nor to run away from something as important as the conversation they both needed to have.

Her stubbornness wouldn't let her do this.

Not this time.

"It was. Because you're allowed to live your life. You're allowed to go away and to start something new. Besides, Quantico isn't far from Boston. It's barely a..."

"Just as you're allowed to not like it and to tell me that you don't like it. Don't apologize for the way you feel, Maura. Don't ever do that. Your feelings are fair. More than fair, as a matter of fact."

The semblance of a smile brushed Maura's lips. A ghost, nothing else. It vanished even before Jane to notice it. Maura shrugged – not really convinced by what Jane had just said – and focused on the tiled floor of the cafe instead.

"What for? It won't change anything anyway."

It didn't have to change anything. Maura didn't want Jane to renounce to her dreams just because she was in the picture. That was terribly selfish. A relationship – no matter the nature of it – was made of compromises but not to the point of giving up on everything. Jane hadn't complained when Maura had begun to work at Hope's clinic. On the contrary. She had encouraged her.

It had to be mutual.

"I... I don't know. Maybe it will. It could. "

 _You sound desperate and terribly insecure. Because of me. I appreciate your sincerity and I understand that you can't give me a proper answer. It's too early. You love me but how can you be sure that your feelings will still be the same once we head back to Boston? Everything started here, in Paris. It may as well finish here before we leave._

"Maybe?"

There wasn't any hope in Maura's voice. As a matter of fact, her voice was shaking. It was her heart that had spoken. Not her head. Her head kept on yelling at her that she had to accept things the way they were now, that Jane couldn't take a decision within the next seconds because it wasn't possible.

Nobody gives up on an opportunity like the one Jane had been given in Quantico. Nobody. Not so easily. It required a lot of patience and an immense wisdom. If Jane now rushed into things then chances were that she wouldn't make the right choices and the consequences would be disastrous ones.

"It won't be the same without you." Jane bit her lips. She didn't regret what she had just said but her statement was brutal nonetheless because she had consciously avoided thinking about it until now. She had succumbed to a bottomless denial and everything had collapsed within a second. She felt lost. But not lonely. Not lonely at all. "Even more now. Even more after Paris."

 _You're torn. I understand your reaction because I feel exactly alike. I'm torn as well. A part of me wants you to stay by my side for the rest of our life while another one wants you to follow your dreams._

 _We both know that I don't belong to Quantico nor to Washington D.C. And that's the problem. It's a dead-end path and I hate it. We're stuck. We're completely stuck, Jane. Whatever you decide to do, it will change our lives forever._

"I meant what I told you last night, Maura. I really meant it." Jane approached a timid hand towards Maura's. Her fingers brushed Maura's wrist. Softly. Carefully. "Perhaps Quantico isn't a good idea."

Perhaps. A fragile, tiny doubt.

Maura looked up for the first time since they had walked in the impersonal cafe. Her hazel eyes looked into Jane's dark ones with a strength that defied Jane's stubborness.

"Perhaps Boston isn't a good idea either."

A honest surprise lit up Maura's traits as she spoke. Her sentence was clear, and simple. Except it was made of a hundred different layers and those layers hid a thousand different questions. Unanswered questions. If neither Boston nor Quantico were an option, then what was left exactly?

...

 _*Bonne journée, madame :_ **Have a nice day, Mrs.**

 _*Merci :_ **Thank you**


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews and messages (I'm back home so I should be able to reply to your messages this weekend, finally!). I appreciate them. The review glitch is back so I can't reply to them right now. However I got them in my mailbox and was able to read them. Hopefully they will appear here soon.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Four**

Maura sat up in bed. She turned her back at Jane and stared in silence at the rain that was sliding down the windows of their suite. The wind was blowing hard and it made the trees bend rather dangerously.

The weather reminded her of Saint-Malo. It carried the same strength, the same violence. The only thing missing was the spring tide. Even the sky was dark as if it were midnight while it was barely 2pm. It was one of these days when the sun never really shows up, when the light remains bare and cold. Gray. Almost absent. A typical winter day in Paris. A bit early for the season.

Jane's fingertips running down her spine made her shiver. Maura didn't turn around to smile at her lover though. She remained focused on the windows and on the trees of the small public garden opposite the boulevard instead. The storm was hypnotizing. And it oddly rocked her to sleep.

They hadn't left their suite yet. As a matter of fact, they hadn't left their bed. The bad weather had pushed them to postpone the visit of the Rodin Museum and the uncertainty of the conversation that they had had the day before after visiting the Catacombs had pushed them into a frenzy of intense, lustful desires.

They needed to make love. Over and over. As if to protect themselves from the uncertainty of their future together. Building a shield of sighs and moans in order to face the harsness of a brutal reality.

They hadn't taken any decision but they had nonetheless made a step forward. Somehow. To an extent. Now Jane knew what Maura felt and Maura knew that Jane cared for her. A lot. It may make the difference in the end.

"I like your skin."

The remark caused Maura to giggle. She and Jane hadn't really taken the time to have a break until now and it felt nice to spend the day in bed. Together. Sweetly. They took advantage of it to discover each other under a different light, the one that only lovers share. There may be bitterness in their smiles, it still felt relieving and delicate.

Jane leaned up on her elbows. She came closer to Maura. Her lips brushed Maura's lower back and she began to trace a path of kisses down the curves of her hips.

Maura's body immediately reacted to the feather touch. Her breasts hardened and her breath became shorter. She closed her eyes in order to focus on her feelings. A bright smile lit up her traits. She felt at peace, and desired. There was no better feeling in the world.

Jane was a sweet lover. She always showed a lot of care even in the most intense moments, when the paroxysm of her orgasm took her to another dimension. She was very protective towards Maura and kept on covering her skin of endless kisses.

And gentle caresses.

She showed confidence as well. As a matter of fact, she showed a lot of confidence for a novice. It surprised Maura every single time because it had taken her a while to reach such degree of self-confidence herself. Maura was the one who had the most experience but Jane showed boldness.

"How did they touch you? How did the women touch you? The ones you met after Anita? You dated some, right? Of course, you did."

The question was anything but casual yet Jane had whispered it with a confusing nonchalance between two kisses, just as her left hand had started travelling up Maura's stomach. Jane was now sitting in Maura's back. She planted a kiss on top of Maura's shoulder and waited for an answer.

"What... What do you mean?"

Maura frowned. She looked down at the bed sheet on her left but avoided Jane's eyes. Her cheeks were burning. She was probably blushing.

Of course she knew what Jane meant. Her question was pointless. She was simply looking for an escape, for extra-seconds before giving Jane a proper answer.

"How did they make love to you? They probably had a lot more experience than I do... I mean... I can't compare it to anyone else... You can. What did they do to you? How?"

The shrug Maura gave Jane highlighted a deep uncertainty. Her shoulder rose like a wave before finding back its usual place in silence. She didn't know what to say. Nobody liked talking about exes, especially when said exes had remained hidden in the dark until now.

There was a reason why they were exes in the first place and that reason rarely was a glorious one. Maura didn't feel like alluding to the past, and to failed experiences.

"I don't know... It was different."

"Show me." The remark caused Maura to react. She turned around and looked at Jane. Jane didn't smile. She simply looked into Maura's hazel eyes with a rare intensity. "Show me what they did, and how."

Under other circumstances, Maura would have said that Jane was being bold but today wasn't like any other day. Just like Paris wasn't like any other city. And Jane's remark mostly sounded sweet. Adorable. Even amusing.

"No. I like it better now. I like it better the way you do, the way you touch me. The way you kiss me. It's better with you."

Jane slid her legs around Maura's waist. She sat closer to Maura with a quiet fluidity. Their respective bodies – intertwined – began to feed each other of their heat. Jane resumed her kissing. Her hands moved anew along Maura's skin. She wasn't good at talking, at expressing her desires and her feelings. Thus she preferred to concentrate on her gestures.

They spoke for her with a bright glory.

...

"You look tired. And pale. Are you okay, Janie? You're not sick, are you? Is Maura dragging you around every night? You're not twenty anymore. Slow down!"

Jane forced a smile. Of course she wasn't sick. She gave her mother a nod and tried to push away that uncomfortable feeling that had begun to stick to her chest the moment her mother had appeared on the screen of her iPad for their Skype call.

Guilt.

Jane felt guilty. Guitly for remaining silent, for hiding something important – if not just paramount – to her mother. Sometimes the words were there, just at the edge of her lips. She could almost feel them. But a desperate cowardice always pushed her to remain quiet in the end.

It wasn't easy, even less when she didn't know where all this would lead..

"I'm fine. We're fine... We've visited... Plenty of stuff. France's a great country. You'd love it here, you know."

Words. Random words that – once assembled together – made sentences that were just as random. Jane was filling empty spaces with little nothings when what she really wanted was to yell at her mother that she was finally happy. Happy with Maura, happy in her arms.

That she would have spent the rest of her life kissing Maura if she had been given the choice.

She wanted to say it but she didn't manage to say it. It was very frustrating, and painful.

"But you're coming back here, right? You're coming back here in..." Angela leaned over the table. She squinted her eyes at a sheet of paper that she was holding. "In ten days. You're not staying in Paris, are you?"

Jane laughed but her laugh fell flat. Her mother's question wasn't as innocent as it should have been. It was actually very meaningful for Jane. Too meaningful.

"Of course I'm coming back to Boston." The name of the destination hit the air a tad too harshly and it took Jane aback. She hadn't said 'home'. She had been a lot more neutral. Subconsciously. "We're coming back in ten days, that's right."

Ten days. The countdown had begun and Jane had the feeling that she and Maura had way too many things left to do and see before leaving Paris.

She liked France a lot but she couldn't imagine living in Europe nonetheless. Her family was in America and Jane wanted to be there. Yet the truth was that she didn't want to leave Paris either. She was stuck. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck.

"Ten days and you still have to visit the Eiffel Tower."

"Oh god, ma'! Why are you so obsessed with it?!" Jane rolled her eyes. "We'll go there. It's fine. It's all fine."

"I'm not obsessed, Jane. I just find it strange that you haven't visited the most famous monument of the city while you've been there for two weeks already! And where's Maura?"

Jane swallowed hard. She cast a glance at the bed, in the distance. Maura was there, lying naked under the bed sheet. Her hair was a mess and her cheeks were pink. Her lips full because of all the kisses they had shared. Needless to say that she couldn't talk to Angela right now.

"She's working."

"Working?! I thought she was on vacation... Oh, Jane! Can't you just tell her to stop at least once in her life? The two of you are so alike... Workaholics. That's what you are: workaholics. What a waste of time! Why don't you try to have a life outside of your job instead? You should try it, you know. 'Cause it's worth it. It really is, Jane."

 _I know._

Jane opened her mouth but the words stayed trapped in her throat and frustration began to boil in her lower stomach. She couldn't agree more with her mother because the life her mother was talking about was exactly the one that she was having now with Maura.

"I gotta go, ma'..." Jane took a deep breath. Her heart was beating fast and it caused her voice to sound too shaky. "I'll make her slow down. I promise you I will."

"Alright. Take care. Oh, by the way... The name of the perfume that I want is... Do you have a paper to write it down?"

Jane nodded. She grabbed a note book that Maura had set down on the coffee table and wrote the name of the fragrance. But her mind was somewhere else. Her mind was stuck on these few words her mother had just said.

 _To slow down._

Jane looked up at Maura anew. They didn't need anything but this: to slow down. And to start living. Yes, it was time for a new beginning.


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews and messages. There should be a maximum of 30 chapters to this story so we're coming to an end soon. Also, I haven't thought about publishing all my fics but who knows... They would need a good editing though.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Five**

"Hurry up!" Maura's laugh sounded clear and bright in the rain. She cast a very fast glance at Jane before speeding up the pace of her steps on the damp asphalt. "Come on!"

They had walked out the Picasso Museum five minutes earlier just as very dark clouds had invaded the sky and it had begun to rain. The cold weather had swept away the quietness that had wrapped them up during their visit and they were now running towards one of the most famous squares of Paris: the _Place des Vosges_. The oldest one of the city as well.

If Maura hadn't been short of breath then she would have told Jane that the square – inaugurated in 1612 – was the prototype of all the residential squares of European cities that were to come, that the novelty of the _Place des Vosges_ was that the housefronts were all built to the same design of red bricks with strips of stone quoins over vaulted arcades that stood on square pillars.

Of course, Jane saw it by herself as soon as they reached it. She saw the beautiful buildings and the public garden in the center of the square as well as the arcades all around her. The unique architecture. Maura took her there, under one of the arcades.

"You're going to be soaked wet."

It was neither a reproach nor a warning. The lightness of Maura's comment highlighted a deep and sincere amusement instead. She felt free, all of a sudden. In the rain. Free and immensely happy.

She pulled on Jane's hand with more authority in order to make her turn around before pushing her against one of the square pillars. She swallowed hard and tried to catch her breath. Her cheeks were red because of the rain and because of the wind. Her hair was a mess.

Her eyes were glimmering.

Without any warning, Maura leaned over and captured Jane's lips in a deep kiss. She felt Jane's chest against hers, and her heart that was beating fast because they had just run.

The streets of Paris were empty but the potential presence of passers-by wouldn't have had the slightest influence on Maura's move anyway. She wanted that kiss. As a matter of fact, she had dreamed about that kiss for too long to miss her chance to make it come true now.

Jane responded to it immediately.

They weren't standing in the rain but the anonymity of the arcades brought a softer shade to the moment. It was a lot better than in Maura's fantasies. Besides, she still could feel the rain drops on Jane's lips, on her tongue. Those drops kept on sliding down their respectives faces and they came to die at the corner of their lips.

A kiss in the rain. Her kiss.

Maura had just slid a hand along Jane's nape and her fingers had begun to go up through her hair when a car honked on the street causing them to break apart. Maura looked at the car and realized that the driver hadn't seen them, that he hadn't honked because of them but because of a truck that was blocking his way a bit further down the street.

"Are you cold?"

Jane shook her head immediately. She didn't feel like talking. She didn't have anything to say, anyway. The grin that lit up till her eyes spoke for her. It echoed the intense feelings of her heart and nothing else mattered at that exact moment.

They were building memories the way we build a wall, adding one brick after the other with a lot of care and consciousness. They were in the moment, in the time being. They were being themselves.

Just as it had to be.

"We can't stay here..." Maura looked on her right and then on her left. She felt like kissing Jane anew but with an eagerness that didn't fit for they were not in their hotel room. The lustful desire that had passed underneath her skin didn't fit right now. She had to accept it. "Ahem..."

"There's a cafe out there." Jane motioned a few chairs. "Maybe we can sit there for a while. Or take a taxi."

Except there wasn't a single taxi around. The _Place des Vosges_ was quiet anew as the driver who had honked had just left for an unknown destination.

"Okay. Let's go have some tea."

Being in Paris during the fall meant that you had to deal with fast and drastic changes in the weather. It happened without any warning. All of a sudden the blue sky could disappear and a torrential rain ended up falling over the city. It made your visit a lot more complicated and you had no choice but to find relief in the imposed breaks that the weather could bring all along the day.

Going to a cafe was one of them.

Jane gave the waitress a smile as the young woman brought her a hot chocolate. She murmured an inaudible thank you then focused on her hot drink. The cafe was empty. She and Maura were the only customers. As a matter of fact, the whole city looked oddly empty.

For brief seconds, Jane wondered where the other tourists had gone to. It was a touristic area, she knew it. Yet tourists were nowhere to be seen.

"Are you alright?" Concern rose in Maura's voice. She forced a smile to make sure that she wouldn't sound too clingy but a little voice told her that her attempt was vain. She shrugged apologetically. "I mean... You look a bit off."

"Oh no, I'm here." Jane grabbed Maura's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I'm here with you. I was just wondering... I don't know."

Maura laughed lightly. She didn't want the lightness of her mood to vanish. She didn't want to deal with what-ifs. Not today. Today she wanted to have fun. She wanted to enjoy being with Jane and not think about what may happen. She tilted her head.

"What? Tell me! Come on, Jane! A penny for your thoughts."

"How did you..." Jane was showing signs of nervousness. It didn't match Maura's light mood at all. "How did you tell your parents that you... Ahem... That you weren't necessarily interested in dated men and men only?"

"Oh."

That.

Maura couldn't guess it but the topic had been weighing on Jane's shoulders since the last Skype call to her mother. Jane had tried to handle it on her own at first but she had to admit that it didn't work out at all. And perhaps she needed help, Maura's help.

"Well..." Maura ran her tongue over her lips. She had kept her hands around her mug just to make sure that the heat of her tea would warm her up. "They guessed it. They simply asked me to confirm it, more or less." Maura swallowed hard. "Because I was dating someone at the time. I must have been... Transparent in my actions."

 _And I didn't want to hide anymore._

 _Is this what you're trying to tell me, Jane? That you don't want to hide? That you're ready to say it out loud? Ready to assume it? To assume us, to assume what we are? In front of everyone?_

"And what did they say?"

Nothing. They had said nothing or at least nothing worth being mentioned but then Maura's parents were a bit singular.

Her saying yes had simply confirmed her parents' doubts. Then everyone had turned the page and they hadn't really mentioned it anymore. They had simply accepted it as a fact, a very random fact. Her parents were open-minded and atheist. Same-sex relationships had never been an issue for them.

Jane's background was different, very different.

"They were supportive. They are supportive. I mean.. They don't really care."

Maura felt stupid because of the shortness of her answer. Jane expected something else from her than a nearly monosyllabic statement. But it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to let her heart speak because then Maura would simply express her fears way too directly.

Jane nodded. She didn't look convinced but she nonetheless took Maura's words for what thy were.

"Do you think it's going too fast? I mean... I was talking to ma' yesterday and I wanted to tell her that... I wanted to tell her. Then if I do – if I do tell her – it settles things down, right?"

 _And if it settles things down then it means that Quantico doesn't make sense anymore. It means that you shouldn't go there, Jane. That you shouldn't accept this job. That's what it means. And you know it, just as I do. The question is: are you really ready to assume it?_

"There are a thousand different options, you know. We haven't neccesarily studied each of them." Maura wanted to sound reassuring but it didn't seem to work. "I think that you should give a chance to Quantico. We can make this work."

The worst of all was that she wasn't lying. She honestly wanted Jane to have her chance at a different career. Even if it meant that they wouldn't see each other every day.

"You mean like... Me coming back on weekends or you visiting me?"

"And if it doesn't work out then we'll find another way." A heavy sigh passed Maura's lips. It was a compromise that she was ready to accept. "We could give it a try."

Jane hadn't needed to ask Maura why she had immediately alluded to Quantico because behind the possibility of her coming out lay that situation she didn't know what to do with. Maura had been right to talk about it. Her being direct meant that they didn't waste time with implicit allusions.

"You're happy to have got this job, aren't you? If Quantico is your dream then you shouldn't give up, Jane. It's your dream, isn't it?""

The question hit Jane harshly in spite of its genuine sweetness. She tried to take a sip of her hot chocolate but she didn't manage to do it. A lump had formed in her throat and she couldn't breathe anymore.

And then the words came out.

"I don't know anymore."


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's Note: Thank you very for all your reviews and messages. It's really nice of you to take the time to post something every day or so.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Six**

Jane walked out of the elevator. She made five steps then stopped. She looked on her right and then on her left. A ribbon of buildings, streets and trees spread in front of her. Or below her feet to be more exact. Everywhere. The sky was blue and clear. It wasn't overcast and she could see as far as little hills in the distance. A green patch as well. She frowned.

"What is that?" She pointed out the green patch as soon as Maura reached her. "Woods?! There are woods in Paris?!"

Maura gave Jane a nod. She grabbed Jane by the elbow then pulled her closer to the edge of the last floor of the Eiffel Tower. The place wasn't packed as they now regulated the amount of tourists on each floor but they weren't alone nonetheless and it was difficult to share a somewhat personal moment on top of the famous monument.

"It's le _Bois de Vincennes_... Ancient royal woods. There's even a castle there." A smile curled up Maura's lips as she apologetically shrugged at Jane. "We didn't have time to go there. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. We can't see everything." Jane ran a hand through her hair as realization hit her. She burst out laughing. "I can't barely believe that it took us so long to climb on top of the Eiffel Tower!"

The monument was impressive from the ground and the view was rather breathtaking from the top but Jane understood why Maura didn't like it, why so many Parisians seemed to actually despise it. It wasn't Paris. It didn't have the soul of the city. It was a must-see and it ironically symbolized the French capital but it had little to do with all the streets Jane had walked through, all the buildings she had looked at and all the public gardens she had stopped by.

The Eiffel Tower was almost – and rather unexpectedly – impersonal.

"Let's take a picture." Jane grabbed her cell phone out of the pocket of her coat. It was a sunny but quite cold day nonetheless. She had even bought a scarf on her way to the monument. They had watched the weather forecast on television and had been surprised to learn that it was already snowing in Boston. It would be a cold winter. "For ma'..."

"Oh, sure!"

Jane rolled her eyes and for brief seconds she sounded just like the Jane from Boston, the grumpy yet funny homicide detective. It warmed up Maura's heart. She hadn't missed grumpy Jane but grumpy Jane reminded her of home nonetheless.

"Then her goddamn Eiffel Tower obsession will stop. At last."

They made their way to a quieter area of the floor. The view behind them was still just as breathtaking. Maura came closer to Jane. She slid an arm around Jane's waist then smiled at the cam on the cell phone. Her pose was classic if not just random.

Against all expectations and without any warning, Jane decided to place herself behind Maura at the last moment. Quickly. Too quickly for Maura to react. She leaned her chin on top of Maura's shoulder before kissing said shoulder as she took the pic.

"Jane..."

The unexpected move had caused Maura to freeze. She had kept on smiling but her heart had skipped a beat. She had no issue with Jane kissing her in public but she hardly found it appropriate if Jane wanted to send said picture to her mother.

The kiss was very telling. Their pose as well. It wasn't how friends took pictures together.

Jane let go of Maura in order to check the picture but it was nothing but an excuse. She barely looked at it. She counted until five in her head instead then pressed the 'Send' button. She swallowed hard and forced a smile in order to reassure Maura who looked very confused.

"Done."

...

"And what's been your mother's reaction? What did she say? Did she call you?"

Maura cast a glance at Jane before holding back a sigh of despair. She and Jane had just told Léopoldine about Jane's odd – and unplanned – coming out of some sort.

Jane laughed lightly, casually. But deep inside, she wasn't as relaxed as she pretended to be. Deep inside, she felt lost and anxious. She didn't like her mother's silence. It didn't fit. Angela Rizzoli never turned silent.

"She still has to reply, as a matter of fact."

A glass of wine in hand, Léopoldine raised an eyebrow with great perplexity. She honestly looked surprised by Angela's silence but the timid smile that suddenly played on her lips betrayed her desire to reassure Jane and Maura immediately.

"Give her some time. That's all she needs..." Léopoldine looked down at her plate. She perfectly knew that she hadn't convinced anyone. She had miserably failed. She cleared her voice and took a deep breath before looking up at Jane and Maura anew. "So your stay is coming to an end, isn't it?"

One day. They still had one day left. And a thousand questions that remained unanswered.

They had climbed on top of the Eiffel Tower in the morning before going for a walk by the Seine in the afternoon. They had hold hands all along but had barely chatted. The bitterness of an imminent departure weighed on their shoulders.

Things would have been different if they had known what was expecting them in Boston but they didn't. Their future wasn't bright but uncertain, made of nothing but what-ifs. They were hopeful and wanted to believe in it but only time would tell.

"So... Are you going to Quantico, Jane?"

Jane gave Léopoldine a very brief nod. She felt ashamed to admit that it was still her plan because she hardly believe in it anymore. As a matter of fact, a little voice in her head kept on telling her that she had never wanted it. She had forced herself into it because everyone around her was making changes. Everyone but her.

It wasn't easy andthe more she thought about it, the more Quantico appeared as a mistake.

"It's a big opportunity to work for the FBI, you know. I didn't go to college so... Joining the Bureau is very meaningful, I guess."

 _I guess._

Léopoldine didn't miss the last two words that Jane said. They meant a lot more than what Jane was eager to admit. But since Léopoldine didn't want to ruin the smooth dinner that the three of them were having in the heart of _Saint-Germain-des-Prés_ then she didn't mention it.

"I'm sure it is."

"Quantico isn't far... Besides, I'll make sure to have my weekends off." Maura spoke loudly, too loudly. It made her attempt at being positive fall flat. "For years I accepted the same work schedule as my employees while I am the chief medical examiner... Maybe it's time for me to use the privilege that my job position brings."

 _The situation isn't perfect but it's a realistic scenario. Many couples work in different cities - in different states - and they handle it quite well. At least Jane wants to believe in it, it's already a lot more than what I had dared to imagine. So I'll do my best to make it work. I really will. We can do it. We have to._

"Fair point." Léopoldine nodded at nobody but herself. She paused for long seconds then let a mysterious smile light up her traits. She looked up at Jane before focusing on Maura. "Nothing is irreversible anyway."

Jane let the words sink in. She knew that Léopoldine had meticulously chosen them, that there was nothing random about them. On the contrary. They were extremely meaningful.

"So did you like Paris, Jane? Wouldn't you like living here?"

"Oh, Léo..." Maura shook her head at Jane apologetically. Just when Léopoldine showed empathy and sweetness, she had to be just as blunt as her mother again. "Quantico, she's going to Quantico."

"What?! She doesn't speak French but she could easily learn then find a job... Gosh, you know that we have influence at the US embassy. This wouldn't be an issue at all."

 _Except France isn't where we should live. It may have all started here – in Paris – that doesn't mean that we should stay in this city. Our life is in America. In some place there. We just need to figure it out somehow._

 _Perhaps I could move to Paris and embrace the French life style but Jane isn't made for that. She won't live abroad, even less in Europe. She's too attached to Boston. This is what happens when you have a strong family spirit, Léo. I don't blame you for not getting it. I know way too well how it doesn't run in our family. Just accept the fact it's different for Jane. And for me, because Jane's family is my family._

"Paris is a wonderful city. I first decided to come here because of Maura but..." Jane gave Maura a shy smile. "But I've really discovered a city and... And Paris will always mean a lot to me."

"So... No US embassy?"

Jane burst out laughing. She shook her head at Léopoldine before giving Maura a wink to let her understand that everything was okay. She was okay.

"I don't think my mother would agree with this."

The same mother who still had to send a message back to Jane. It wasn't too early in the US anymore. Angela had had to check her messages by now. Her silence made Maura feel uncomfortable. Jane had been very blunt with that photo.

Too blunt, maybe.

But then it was Jane. At least she had been true to herself. She had found the courage to assume her feelings and it had touched Maura a lot more than what she had then expressed. Jane was serious about them. She wanted to believe in their story.


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages. I think I have two chapters left (epilogue included). Then I will write the sequel to Nine Months.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Seven**

The plane took off. Maura closed her eyes and tried to focus on those first seconds of weightlessness in order to forget the weight that kept on pressing on her heart. She thought about her and Jane's last hours in Paris, the stroll by the _Canal Saint-Martin_ and the quietness of the _Père-Lachaise_ cemetery. Jane's genuine excitement as soon as she had found the grave of Jim Morrison. They were leaving Paris with a thousand, untouchable memories and with the soft taste of novelty. The City of Lights was now deeply connected to their relationship. No matter what happened, Paris would always be the city where they had dared to make that step towards something more intense and more personal than a friendship.

It hadn't started in Paris. Now that she thought about it, Maura could affirm that what she and Jane were now having had started a long time ago – way before their trip to France – and that perhaps fate had something to do with it. She didn't like the idea of a natural force controlling her life – her emotions – because it didn't match with her scientific mind but she nonetheless had to admit that there might be something. Something that she couldn't explain.

Something powerful and eloquent.

"Are you alright?" Jane pressed Maura's hand. "Why have you closed your eyes?"

To forget. Maura had closed her eyes to forget the unknown that lay ahead of her – ahead of them – and to concentrate on a past that had already begun to slip through her fingers like grains of sand. She didn't want to go back to Boston because that meant that she was about to lose Jane. For the first time since she had been assigned to her job, Maura didn't miss the morgue. She wasn't eager to go back to her office nor to put her white coat on anew. She wanted to remain in that suspended lapse of time instead, the one that had witnessed the surfacing of her romance with Jane.

She had woken up in the first hours of the morning only to realize how hard it was for her to believe that it was true, that Jane had become her lover. Her partner. She hadn't forgotten about the pain that she had felt until the day she had kissed Jane on the west point of the _Île Saint-Louis_ , how shameful her fantasies had been because it wasn't appropriate. Nobody is supposed to fall in love with a friend. Nobody. But against all expectations, Jane's feelings were mutual.

Probably a matter of luck, of hormonal dosage.

"I'm fine." Maura gave Jane a very brief smile before looking out the window plane. It was 8pm and the night had fallen two hours earlier. They were now flying over Paris, over a multitude of lights that glimmered in the dark like diamonds and pearls. " _Ce n'est qu'un au revoir..._ "*

Her whisper caressed her lips before dying in the depths of her heart. She would come back. Of course, she would come back. With or without Jane. Paris had always been part of her life. One of her aunts lived there and Maura liked the city a lot anyway. She was a francophile.

Jane didn't insist. She understood Maura's silence. Sometimes, the only thing you needed was to not speak. To not say the slightest thing. You needed peace. She unzipped her backpack and turned on her cell phone.

Nothing.

Her mother hadn't sent her the mere text message. Angela had remained quiet and it worried Jane. It wasn't normal. It wasn't normal at all. Jane had tried to call Boston when she and Maura had reached Charles de Gaulle Airport but the call had been disconnected before anyone to pick it up on the other end of the line. Then she had had to board and she had simply sent a text message to say that their flight was on time.

Jane had a hard time believing that her mother could be mad at her because of the picture that she had sent her the day before. It didn't make sense. Her mother was open-minded. Perhaps the situation would have been different a few years earlier but Angela Rizzoli had changed since she had filed for a divorce. She had found a new balance in her emancipation and same-sex couples weren't an issue to her. She had even showed a lot of enthusiasm when Frost's mother had got engaged. That had to mean something. It couldn't be different just because Jane was her daughter.

"When are you supposed to leave?"

The question was rhetorical. It was only there to fill blank spaces and a silence that Maura didn't want anymore. She turned her head to look into Jane's eyes. All she saw turned out to be an immense uncertainty.

"I leave on Sunday... I start on Monday."

Which meant that she would barely stay in Boston for a day. Their plane landed on Saturday. It had seemed to be a great plan when Jane had booked her flight tickets. Besides, she couldn't postpone her arrival to Quantico too much. It wouldn't have been seen as a sign of seriousness and motivation. Now she regretted to not have at least a whole weekend to spend with Maura. Everything felt rushed, even more after the slow pace of their vacations in Paris.

"Sunday. Okay..." Maura nodded. "You will send me a text message on Monday to tell me how it will have gone, okay?"

Jane rolled her eyes. She scoffed rather loudly before turning her tablet – personal screen on in order to win some time. She didn't want to talk about Quantico. Not now.

"I'll call you, idiot. Are you working on Monday?"

"No... But I think that I will stop by the morgue nonetheless. I was gone for a long time and I have many files to catch back on."

And nothing else to do. Maura bit her lips. On Monday, her life would be dull and pointless. She wouldn't have anyone waiting for her at home, anyone to share a lunch with. Her best friend would be gone. Her best friend and partner. It would be a hard day and finding an escape in work seemed to be rather appealing now.

"Like that case you've been working on?"

"Hmm..." Maura gladly accepted the glass of Champagne that the flight attendant held out to her. She rarely drank alcohol on a flight but the singularity of the current situation was such that she wanted to make an exception this time. "It has to do with children."

She wasn't supposed to talk about a case with someone else than her colleagues and collaborators but as much as Jane didn't belong to the BPD anymore, she was still the person Maura trusted the most. Besides, she wasn't afraid of listening to murders. On the contrary. Crimes belonged to her daily life. It was her job and that was immensely comforting for Maura.

"A serial killer?" Jane swallowed hard. An ounce of excitement had showed in her voice as she had asked precisions to Maura. She wouldn't go on a crime scene anymore. Becoming an FBI instructor meant that she accepted to put aside the adrenalin that rushed through her veins whenever she reached a crime scene. That part of her life was over for now. "Who's on it?"

"Liam O'Connor."

 _It could have been you, Jane. You could have been in charge of this case. Then the conversation we're currently having – so inappropriate for a commercial flight between Paris and Boston – would have sounded completely different. It would have symbolized our return, you to the BPD and me to the morgue. The partners in crime back in town after a vacation abroad._

 _It sounds flat instead, and terribly fake. Something is missing. Your badge, probably. And my faith in my capacity to keep on doing this job without you by my side. It's completely stupid. I know it is. But it sounds like goodbyes._

Jane took a sip of her Champagne. It was probably the last time in a while that she travelled First Class so she wanted to take advantage of it at the most. She settled her glass down on her small table before leaning over to kiss Maura on the cheek. Just there, at the corner of her lips.

"Liam's a brilliant detective."

Jane meant what she had just said. She had a lot of respect for her colleague and she would miss him a lot. Just as she would miss everyone. She settled in the crook of Maura's neck and closed her eyes. She needed the touch, to feel the heat of Maura's body against hers. It would all be gone in two days and she would wake up to a cold and empty bed in a city that she didn't know. The flight from Paris to Boston lasted seven hours: she wouldn't waste a second of it being far from her partner. Not now.

"I love you."

Maura smiled as she said the words out loud. They sounded right, and pure. True. She liked their melody and what they stirred up in her heart. They made her feel proud, very proud.

 _I love you and I can now say it out loud. Except you nonetheless run away from me. Somehow. At least I know that you're supposed to come back after a while, that I don't scare you with my feelings. Because you love me in return._

 _I don't like the miles that will separate us. I despise the few hours it will take to be in your arms. They are my enemies, the main obstacle to you: love of my life._

 _I hate Washington D.C. almost as much as I hate the FBI and agent Davies. Don't ask me to be nice to him because he's the one who's taking you away from me. I hate all of this but I love you too much to ever compromise our relationship. So I'll do my best, Jane. I'll do my best to keep on smiling whenever you'll look at me._

...

 _*Ce n'est qu'un au revoir :_ **It's only a goodbye**


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all the reviews. There is one chapter left and an epilogue so the story will come to an end on Thursday.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Eight**

It was snowing. All around them. The streets of Boston had disappeared under a thick layer of whiteness that stifled the sound of the traffic. The weather was completely unexpected. They had left a rainy Paris for a winter-ish Massachusetts. The contrast was sharp and it made Jane feel dizzy.

She didn't like it.

The taxi driver stopped in front of Maura's house. Nothing had changed: the old bricks of the façade still looked the same and the neighborhood was quiet as well. Beacon Hill. One of the wealthiest areas of Boston. Home. Somehow. It had felt like home once. Now there was nothing less sure.

Maura went to pay for the ride but Jane insisted to do it. They didn't argue very long. Maura simply ended up giving the driver a generous tip after he took their suitcases out of the truck of his berline and he carried them until the door.

Maura grabbed the keys that she hadn't touched in a month. She opened the door of her townhouse and walked inside.

The house was quiet but clean. Obviously Angela had taken great care of it. Maura would have to thank her. Perhaps a dinner in town would make Jane's mother happy. Since Jane didn't have a house anymore, Maura didn't need to ask her whether she would spend the night with her. At least the situation allowed her to avoid a delicate, slightly embarrassing question.

Of course, Jane would stay with Maura. It was the last night that they would actually spend together before Jane to leave for Quantico. There was no way Jane wouldn't stay home.

"Your mother must be working." Maura had walked till the kitchen. She rested a hand on top of the counter then gave Jane a smile. "She isn't here."

Neither of them dared to talk about it but they both had the same thing in mind: Angela's odd silence. Maura honestly felt concerned. She wondered if something had happened to Jane's mother, something bad. And nobody would have told them because it would have ruined their vacations. She couldn't be at the hospital, could she?

Jane gave Maura a very timid nod. She was tired and she needed to have a shower. She felt a bit shaky, and anxious. As a matter of fact, she dreaded the moment she would face her mother.

"Yeah you must be right."

It didn't fit though. Angela Rizzoli would have taken her day off in order to welcome back home one of her children after such a long separation. She would have even made it to the airport. But Jane had looked at everyone in the terminal of Logan International and she was sure that her mother wasn't in the crowd. Nobody was waiting for them anywhere.

"I'll go have a shower, if you don't mind..." Maura didn't dare to invite Jane to join her. It really didn't seem to be very appropriate. The freedom of space and the intimacy that they had shared in Paris was gone. Boston followed different rules. At least for the moment. "Unless you want to go first...?"

Jane shook her head vehemently. She rushed to the kitchen and took two mugs out of the cabinet. Random move. A desperate one too. She absolutely needed to get her hands busy on something in order to hide how shaking her hands were.

"No. Go first. It's fine. I'll make coffee in the meantime."

Maura had just reached the first floor when the main door opened in Jane's back. The sudden loud intrusion caused her to freeze. She swallowed hard – counted until five – then turned around to look at the person who had walked in.

Her mother had finally showed up.

"When did you arrive? Where's Maura? The grocery store's packed, I lost time there." Angela trotted to the kitchen. She dropped the grocery bags on top of the counter before giving Jane a perplexed look. "Really?"

Jane blinked.

"Really what?!"

Her question betrayed her latent nervousness. Her voice was unexpectedly high-pitched and shaking. She didn't feel fine at all.

"What do you mean by _really what_?" Angela rolled her eyes. Her exhuberance oddly echoed Jane's deep silence. The scene was very unbalanced. "You're off for a month and you don't hug me when you come back home?!"

"Oh." Jane obliged. As a matter of fact, she would have hugged her mother if the circumstances had been different, if she had known for sure that her mother was fine with her and Maura's relationship. But she wasn't sure at all. Not yet. She didn't know. "Sure. Sorry."

Angela looked genuinely thrilled. At least it was comforting. Yet Jane's heart wouldn't slow down. It kept on beating fast. Too fast. The matriarch turned around in order to look at her surroundings.

"Where's Maura? Where is she?"

"She went to have a shower."

"Good." Angela turned anew. She looked into Jane's eyes with her typical determination. Sometimes she made life sound terribly easy compared to the storm of doubts that invaded Jane on a regular basis. "Where are your boxes? You're moving in, right? You're not going to waste money on a rent. That'd be ridiculous."

Everything was going at light speed and Jane felt left aside. Perhaps it was because she was jet lagged. She honestly felt like she had missed something, the key-element that would allow her to understand her mother's reasoning.

"My boxes?! They're on their way to Quantico because that's where I go... Ouch!"

Jane hadn't seen it come. She hadn't seen her mother's hand come closer to the top of her head in order to slap her.

"What do you mean by Quantico?!" Angela's eyes widened with fear. "Jane Clementine Rizzoli! Don't tell me Washington D.C. is still in the picture while we now have a doctor in the family!"

"So... You're fine with it?" It wasn't easy to look at her mother. Jane had never liked talking about her romantic life with her mother but she knew how paramount it was to make an effort right now. As a matter of fact, she desperately needed it. It would be relieving. "With us?"

"Wasn't my text message clear enough?" Angela scoffed. She grabbed the mugs out of Jane's hands: now that she was back from the grocery store, she was in control of the situation. She walked to the coffee maker and proceeded to prepare some for the three of them. "And by the way, it's not really nice of you to not answer back all my messages, you know... I get you and Maura were busy but still... A bit of politeness wouldn't kill you."

Of all scenarios Jane had imagined, that one hadn't even crossed her mind. She didn't understand anything anymore. That conversation she was currently having with her mother didn't make sense at all. She shook her head and began to stutter.

"B-... But... You didn't send me any text message. I'm still waiting for one, actually!" Jane walked back to her backpack. She opened it and grabbed her cell phone. "Oh!" She had just received three messages from her mother, three messages that had been sent days earlier. "What on earth?! There must have been something wrong 'cause I just got them! I didn't get them in Paris."

It didn't make Angela smile. As a matter of fact, she looked upset. The perfect grin that had lit up her traits until now had vanished and she looked at Jane with sad eyes.

"You honestly thought that I could take it badly? Jane... When did I ever sound... So harsh to you, exactly? How could you come to such conclusion? Maura's family! The two of you have always been together anyway. Just not in an ordinary way. Now you are. It's the least surprising event of the year but it still makes me happy and proud."

"Oh."

Jane didn't know what to say back. As much as it was nothing but a misunderstanding and that she wasn't to blame if she hadn't received the text messages when in France, she actually also felt sorry to see her mother so upset because of the doubts she – Jane – had had. It wasn't fair at all for her mother.

"And why do you still go to Quantico? What was the purpose of that pic if you haven't changed your plans?"

"We'll see each other on weekend. That's a good compromise. Maura'll come to visit me and I'll come back here from time to time. It's perfect... Don't you think so?"

"No. I think it's a waste of time and I think you've already wasted too much time like that." Angela poured coffee in the three mugs that she had set down next to the coffee maker. "It's a waste of life, Jane. A complete waste of life."

The relief over her mother's acceptance vanished right away. The remark hit Jane like a ton of bricks. She grabbed the mug of coffee that her mother held out to her but she didn't take a sip. She stared at her mother instead. Blankly.

"Couldn't you show support, ma'? The situation's enough hard like that..."

Angela scoffed anew.

"And who's to blame for that?! You're the one who's making it hard, Jane. You and Maura, as a matter of fact. Why do you keep on putting obstacles into your life when you can get it more easily?"

Jane frowned. She hated admitting it but her mother was right.

She had hoped that her mother would be supportive no matter what but it was a mistake. Jane should have known better. Angela had her opinions and she wasn't afraid to speak out. If she thought something was wrong then she said it, even if it may hurt. Jane had tried to sound cheerful but her mother's remark had killed her fragile joy over the compromise that she and Maura had chosen. Angela hadn't lied. She hadn't pretended that she thought it was just fine.

Jane's mother was actually the first person telling Jane that she wasn't taking the right decision and it had taken Jane completely aback.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews and messages. Epilogue tomorrow, then a few days off and then back to Nine Months. I guess we all need the cuteness and innocence of babies right now.**

 **Chapter Twenty-Nine**

If asked, Maura would have been unable to say how she felt on that day. Knowing that Jane would leave for Quantico in a few hours seemed to drag her down into a frenzy of blurry feelings. It was strange and rather uncomfortable.

She had woken up next to Jane feeling lucky and extremely vulnerable. Jane was still sleeping by then. Her regular breathing was soothing but Maura knew that it wouldn't last and that she would miss it soon. She had got used to it in Paris though. She had got used to feeling the heat of Jane's body against hers. Now her bed was about to get cold again. Icy. And too big.

Jane hadn't wanted to do anything special. They had had lunch at the Dirty Robber with everyone because they had felt the urge to catch back on the month that had just slipped through their fingers. Time hadn't got suspended unlike their wish. It hadn't sped up either. It had simply followed its cruel pace and now Jane was about to leave.

"What are you going to do, tonight?"

Maura gave Jane a smile. She didn't want to sound anxious but relaxed even if it wasn't true. Her heart was beating fast and she couldn't help casting glances at the crowd of Logan International. A random conversation seemed fair.

Everyone had said goodbye to Jane but she was the one who had driven Jane to the airport. Nobody else. Jane would be back in two weeks anyway. She wasn't about to leave forever. Their friends and relatives had wished her good luck and Maura had pretended to be happy while a lump had formed in her throat. She felt like crying.

"I don't know... Maybe unpack a few boxes." Jane swallowed hard. The FBI had found her a house. Nothing big but she had liked the different photos that they had sent her of the place. She should be okay there. "... I start early tomorrow anyway."

They had decided to go to Logan International a few hours before her plane to take off in order to share a last coffee but the place looked dull. Impersonal and cold. It wasn't such a good idea.

Boston wasn't any better though. The city had weighed a lot on their shoulders all day long and they hadn't felt fine at all out there. As if they didn't have a place anymore. They felt like they were strangers among streets that they nonetheless knew. They weren't home anymore. There were somewhere in between, lost and alone.

"You don't have to, you know. I will help you unpack."

Their talk was desperately random but then Maura didn't know what to say. Not a single word passed her lips unless she made almost inhuman efforts. It cost her a lot. It cost her so much. Yet she wouldn't cry. Not in front of Jane. She had sworn to herself that it wouldn't happen because she was lucky in spite of all, because Jane going to Washington D.C. wasn't a tragedy. Maura would go there at the end of the week. They could easily go separate ways for five days.

Five days were nothing in a life.

Nothing at all.

Nothing.

"Nah... You're not going there to spend the weekend unpacking my stuff." Jane shook her head before grabbing Maura's hand. She pulled it to her lips and planted a kiss on Maura's fingers. A quick, invisible kiss. "That's not what I have in mind for the weekend."

"And what do you have in mind?"

Jane's dark eyes glimmered mischievously. They matched the smirk that curled up her lips and then she burst out laughing. Loudly. Happily.

...

 _She's gone._

Maura stared blankly at the glass of wine that she had set down on the kitchen counter. She hadn't touched it yet. As a matter of fact, she wasn't thirsty. She simply wanted to get drunk – or at least tipsy – and then forget everything.

Jane was gone.

They had walked together until the terminal – had kissed – and had gone different ways. Easily, atrociously easily. Yet Jane's mischievous dark eyes kept on haunting Maura's mind, just as her laugh as Maura had asked her about her plans for the upcoming weekend. It was the last memory they had built together in Boston. A beautiful one, full of life. Positive.

But now Jane's plane had taken off and Maura's life looked empty.

Unconvinced, Maura walked towards her desk. She sat down there and turned her laptop on. Work: she had to lose herself in medical files and revision in order to pretend that she didn't suffer any heartache. It was late anyway. The night had fallen over Boston and they announced some more snow for the night. The winter was ahead of schedule.

She could have watched television but she knew that she wouldn't have been able to focus on the images. Chances were that her concentration on autopsy reports would be close to an absolute zero too though but it was nonetheless the most appealing escape that she could choose right now.

A cat. She needed a cat. The presence of a cat would have been nice. She would have enjoyed the purring and the heat of the small fur ball on her lap. Yes. A cat was a good idea. She would go to a shelter the next morning.

She looked around her and sighed.

Her house was too big now. Such thought was ridiculous since she had always lived alone there but the feeling really stuck to her skin tonight. Perhaps she should move out. Perhaps she should buy an apartment instead. The silence of Beacon Hill was hard to handle, all of a sudden. Way too hard.

Anything that reminded her of the past seven years was pure torture.

Her vulnerability caused her to pick up her cell phone for the thousandth time. Jane's plane had landed but Maura hadn't got a text message yet. Of course, she hadn't sent Jane a text message herself for she didn't want to sound clingy. Jane had probably better things to do right now. And she wasn't alone. Someone from the FBI – a future colleague – was supposed to pick her up at the airport. She was now probably unpacking her things. Unless she had gne to the restaurant with her colleague.

Her silence made sense. Somehow.

Yet Maura went to check anew on the airline company website. Just in case. Just in case the plane that had been announced as one that had landed had changed of category. Of course, it hadn't. Not now. It was too late.

Jane's plane had landed. Safely. More than four hours earlier.

 _Stop this. You've wanted it – you've chosen it – so you're going to assume it and now. Right now. You can't live in a permanent sorrow because of the decisions you've taken, Maura. Be the adult you're supposed to be and measure your luck. A month ago Jane was your friend and the person you secretly loved. Now you're in a relationship with her. Embrace it. Embrace the goddamn happiness it's supposed to bring you. Your bitterness is exhausting._

 _It's terribly exhausting._

Maura pouted. She should have spent the evening with someone. Anyone. She should have gone out – or even just to the movies – in order to focus on something else. Staying home alone was the worst idea that she had had.

She closed her eyes and began to daydream about Paris anew.

She missed everything about their stay, from the innocence of their smiles in the morning to the safety feeling of being far from Boston and Quantico. Everything was gone now and reality was harsh. Too harsh.

 _Marry her. Why didn't you propose to her yet? What are you waiting for? Then if she's yours she won't go away anymore. It's logical. It's the solution._

 _The selfish solution._

Maura scoffed. A marriage proposal wasn't a solution. Married people lived and worked in different states every day. Just because she would marry Jane didn't mean that they wouldn't go separate ways again. It was a blatant lie, a ridiculous one. It wasn't how things worked. Not in that life, not in that world.

 _Why don't you pack and leave Boston? You could move to Washington and focus on your novel, on these desires to write. Your time is done, here. Boston gave you a lot but it's over and you know it. You can't work at the morgue for the rest of your life anyway. It's impossible. So why don't you do that? Why don't you just go there to be with her? She loves you. She said it. What else do you need to take action, exactly?_

Courage.

Maura needed courage. She didn't have any. She could quit her job and move to Washington D.C. in a heart beat but she wouldn't do it unless Jane asked her to. It all depended on Jane's wishes. Maura didn't want to impose herself. She couldn't allow herself to be so selfish.

A knock on the door put an end to her daydreams.

She opened her eyes anew and checked the time. It was late, too late for anyone to stop by her house right now. The morgue would have called if she had been needed. Her curiosity piqued, Maura stood up. She walked to the door and opened it.

She swallowed hard. It was snowing and the flakes were melting into Jane's dark hair. A black and white silent battle. Jane smiled. Timidly. She shrugged.

"I couldn't leave without you. I couldn't do this."


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

 **Epilogue**

"Jane!" Maura turned around and waited for Jane to walk down the stairs. "I think I've heard their cars. Would you mind welcoming them? I need to check the turkey. I can't go out now."

Jane nodded. She would never admit it – not even to Maura – but she felt quite anxious right now. She had looked at her reflection in the mirror of the master bedroom for long minutes as a powerful wave of uncertainty did its damaging work on her self-confidence. And then the conclusion: she didn't look as good as she wanted to. Of course they wouldn't say a word about it but she knew that she had reached this stage when - no matter what - she would look bad.

"Sure... But it smells good and you know my turkey theory, Maura: if it smells good then there's nothing to worry about."

Maura wrinkled her nose. She obviously and openly disagreed with her partner. She rolled her eyes then walked back to the kitchen area before mumbling a semblance of reply.

"Do I really have to remind you what happened last year?"

Touché.

Jane didn't insist. The truth was that Maura was right: Jane had decided to be in charge of their first Thanksgiving as a couple and she had let the turkey burn in the oven. It had caused a major drama and Maura's eternal distrust whenever Jane walked into a kitchen now.

Jane walked to the door. She couldn't see the street from the large French windows of the living-room as the house was on a hill. However, she could admire the bay of Portland, Maine. She admired it every day, every morning as she drank her coffee in one of the armchairs that they had settled next to the windows.

The view was breathtaking: she would never get tired of it.

She opened the door and walked out on the porch. Slowly. Too slowly to her own taste. She took the few steps down that led to the small path and grinned as soon as she saw her mother walk towards her.

As a matter of fact, everyone was here: Angela, Ron, Frankie, Nina, Korsak and Kiki.

"What's that?! A Bostonian invasion?! I hope you didn't come to mess with Portland!" Jane burst out laughing. She would have never been able to express her current feelings but her heart was burning of that heat that only love can bring. She had tears in her eyes. Tears of joy. "Hi, ma'..."

Angela hugged her daughter as tightly as she could.

"The turkey isn't ready..."

Jane turned around. She hadn't heard Maura walk outside of the house in order to welcome their guests. She rolled her eyes at Maura dramatically before giving a wink at Korsak.

"Maura's developing an obsession for turkey. Thank God it only happens on Thanksgiving."

Thanksgiving. The first one in Maine, in their new house. Jane passed a hand on her stomach: with their future child.

Everything had gone fast after she had showed up at Maura's on that snowy night of November. She had managed to get a new contract with the FBI – one that allowed her to give conferences during three days every two months – while Maura had quit the morgue. They had moved to Portland, Maine, where Maura dedicated herself to her writing. She also gave lectures at Boston medical school one day per week.

They both missed the adrenalin of crime scenes and investigations but the truth was that they had found an unexpected balance in their new life as well. Then almost immediately they had talked about having a family. Together. The first IVF time had been a charm for Jane: she was due in January.

Portland was only an hour and forty-five minutes away from Boston. A mere nothing. Thus they hadn't cut off with their previous life completely. They still had the same friends whom they met on a regular basis – either in Boston or in Portland – just as their relatives. They had also started making new connections in their new city.

Jane liked Portland. She liked the quietness of the city, and the quality of life. She had fallen in love with it as soon as Maura had taken her there for a weekend. They had found the house by accident – during a stroll – and had loved it as soon as they had landed eyes on it.

A very old house, from the 19th century. With fireplaces and hardwood floors that cracked.

Maine was perfect to raise a family. Jane could picture it all happening here, her new life. She was looking forward to being able to hold their baby in her arms in this house. In this city. With Maura.

"Have you put on weight?" Angela looked at her daughter a tad closer as everyone walked in the large and bright living-room. "You need to put on weight, you know. You're seven-month pregnant. Are you eating well?"

Jane had put on weight. It wasn't her fault if most of the weight had gone in her stomach. It was even misleading: everyone thought that she was expecting twins.

"Oh god... Yes. I am." Jane rolled her eyes. "Maura! Maura, tell ma' that I eat all the time."

Maura gave Angela a quiet nod. She was proud of Jane who was handling her pregnancy with a lot of seriousness. At first Maura had been afraid that Jane would refuse to slow down but her doubts had vanished as soon as they had got the pregnancy test back. Jane was being careful, and she was very dedicated to it too.

It was even surprising.

"She's doing really fine." Maura planted a feather kiss at the corner of Jane's lips before looking at their guests. "What would you like to drink?"

Of course she and Jane could have driven to Boston for Thanksgiving but the two of them had insisted to invite everyone instead. They really wanted to take advantage of the holidays to celebrate this new life. It meant a lot to them.

Sadly Maura's parents hadn't been able to come. Léopoldine would only be there for Christmas, she had too much work in Paris for the moment.

Everyone gave a choice of drink before Maura getting the attention of most of the audience as she showed them her last purchase at the antique market. Jane noticed Korsak. Her ex-colleague had remained outside of the group. He had walked to the large windows instead to admire the view. Jane joined him right away.

"Beautiful, hmm?"

Korsak nodded. His hands in his back, he gave Jane one of these smiles that called back a thousand memories of their time at the BPD.

"Who in their right mind would like to return to crime scenes when you can face that every day?" He laughed lightly. "How are you doing?"

"Fine..."

"Have you taken a decision regarding the FBI and the BPD?"

Jane shook her head. She had got an offer from the BPD, a consulting job of some sort. A contraction caused her to frown briefly.

"No. But I guess the rules of the game have changed." Her dark eyes glanced at Korsak. "I have other priorities now. I want to be here for this child. He... Or she... Is my priority now. I'm fine with it. That's what I want."

Just like Maura.

They wanted this family. They wanted this child more than anything. Of course a part of them would always miss the pace of investigations but times were different now. They wanted to give it a try to something new, to something more peaceful. They needed to celebrate life after wandering for so many years in the dark labyrinth of crimes.

And then, they would see. Time would tell.

"Follow your heart."

Jane barely had time to look at Korsak. Maura had just walked to them and she had slid an arm around her waist. She rubbed Jane's lower back sweetly. Lovingly.

"Is everything alright?"

Maura didn't sound concerned but curious. Korsak nodded immediately.

"I'm glad to see you're taking great care of my long-time work partner, Maura."

The remark was genuine. Pure. It carried the weight of sincerity and quietness. Maura blushed slightly but she remained as close to Jane as she could nonetheless. Today would be a glorious day: she felt it deep inside.

"It doesn't come from me, Vince. It's actually Jane who looks after my life."

 _Who looks after my smiles, after my dreams. She's the one who shows me the path to follow when I'm having doubts. She's my light. That's what she is: Jane is my light. I ower her my life._

The End

...

 **Author's Note: Thank you very much for all your reviews, all along this story. I'm glad to see that many of you enjoyed it. I will be back on Monday, 21st with the first chapter of the sequel to Nine Months. I need to re-read Nine Months and to make a few research. I hope you will like it as well. And I hope that this bloody doc manager thing will work better. I don't know for you but when I try to add a sentence in the document I have downloaded, it takes forever to appear on the screen. I'm not patient so it pisses me off. Anyway... See you soon!**


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